The best phrases that I know to say to calm down a person with Borderline Personality Disorder when they are enraged are:

• I love you.
• I am here for you.
• I will never leave you.
• No matter what it is, we can work it out.
• I am sorry.
• I love you more than you can imagine.

When people with Borderline issues are enraged, they may not act like they are hearing you—and sometimes they may be too emotional to actually take in what you are saying. So repeat the above as they calm down:

• I love you.
• I am here for you.
• I will never leave you.
• No matter what it is, we can work it out.
• I am sorry.
• I love you more than you can imagine.

Punchline: The above phrases can be adapted to fit different situations. The most important thing is to be consistently loving and reassuring. The essence of the Borderline Adaptation is the continual search for unconditional love and emotional nurturing. If this is truly how you feel about the Borderline person in your life, this is what you need to let them know. Then give them a big hug.

A2A

Elinor Greenberg, Phd, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

www.elinorgreenberg.com