Growing up, I had an overtly strict and controlling mother. My childhood experiences were downright traumatizing. Following is a brief synopsis of a few vague memories:

• In grade 7, my mom looked through my phone and caught me sending heart emojis to a guy friend. She grounded me for 2 months, called me names (e.g. slut, whore), and yelled at me everyday for nearly half a year. When I tried explaining to her that he was just a friend, she claimed that I was being a flirt by leading him on, and that he probably just wanted to use me for sex (I didn’t even hold hands with a guy until first year university). She threatened to kick me out of her house if I ever saw him again, and made me block his number.
• When I was 19, I worked as an intern at GE. It was the first time in my life I made my own money, so I treated myself to a $20 sushi dinner. My mom found out about it from browsing my bank statements, and got mad at me for wasting $20 on a luxury meal.
• She forced me to return 80% of the clothes I bought myself because they were either ‘too ugly’, or ‘too pricey’ (a winter jacket over $100 was considered too expensive).
• She was a devout Buddhist, so she coerced me to eat vegetarian meals (without any garlic and onions because the smells emanated from these vegetables would somehow ‘scare away the guardian angels’) at home, and visit the temple at least once a week. She also assigned me daily ‘mantra’ homework.
• When I was 22, I bought a $20 water kettle from Walmart. When I got home, my mom demanded me to show her what I bought. I locked my door and refused to show her because I got fed up with her over-controlling personality. She subsequently started banging hard on my door, and said I’m just like my dad - a heartless and selfish person (my parents divorced when I was 2), and that karma would ensure an unfilial daughter like me would die a painful death. Her reaction and words made no logical sense to me because there’s clearly no correlation between spending money on a $20 kettle and lack of filial piety.

Not surprisingly, I hid almost everything from her. I never told her anything about what was happening at school, the boys I dated, or anything else for that matter.

Unfortunately, she passed away last year. I feel bad for still holding grudges against her since she’s my mother, but people should still treat each one another with basic respect, regardless of whether they’re your children, parents, or spouse.