IKR? That is what “they” would like us to believe. “dysregulated” 😱😲😬

I have learnt to be careful in accepting mainstream victim blaming language because that has a negative effect on my emotional regulation 🤣

Jokes aside, I don’t ever consider myself to be dysregulated. But I will admit to being intense.

There are biological (genetic) and psychological (trauma) reasons why I am so intense. And this mean that for someone with my specific profile:

1. My emotions are perfectly regulated to respond to events IRL and
2. I have the emotional maturity to recognise my emotions and manage them appropriately. Also,
3. My emotions are adequately managed in response to what happens inside my head.

So, let’s change the language:

• Dysregulated <=> Intense
• To regulate <=> To manage our response

Because there is not a tap to “switch off” emotions. That is a societal control mechanism. If we don’t feel our sadness, we won’t stand up for ourselves. Society can be as abusive as individuals can be. Emotional regulation is equal to denying our soul its means of communication. Possibly, if I am lenient, it can be classified as some kind of toxic positivity.

However, it is important to learn to manage emotions, or rather our responses to emotions. Especially when our emotions can be so intense.

Let me give you the example of a couple of my littles. We have been establishing trust, both ways. I made some mistakes, and so did the previous 2 hosts. But overall we made great progress over the past couple of years. Finally, in the last few weeks these two littles chose names for themselves. That is, names that do not reflect their previous roles and trauma.

They have been truly happy. Sometimes they come up front and just say their names over and over. I can feel their pride, their developing sense of identity. They feel validated. However, as they do that, and within that joy and pride, they also become inconsolable. I can feel their pain, anguish, desolation. Their disbelief, incredulity mixed with relief that maybe it is really happening: they are loved. And there is a highly charged intensity that can only be described as the sun exploding inside our chest and melting our brain in the process. I have never been through trauma. But they have. And I guess this is the consequence of that.

So, when someone tells me to “regulate” I find it insulting. I will never invalidate my littles, or anyone else in the system.

in one of my answers I mentioned

[we] all feel a sense of duty, responsibility, and gratitude towards our other selves. We respect and honour them.

This is the true nature of resilience. It is about learning to live with the pain. It is about thriving, despite the pain.

We just need to learn how to manage the process. For example, we are developing a mechanism where everyone is allowed a space to deal with these emotions. Effectively, we are giving each of our selves the specific type of “therapy” that they need to overcome their trauma.

To conclude I hope I proved my point that there is nothing dysregulated about “my” emotions. They are intense. And there are reasons for that. And that is fine.

I manage my “intense” emotions by ensuring that I give space for those feeling to be acknowledged, felt, and validated.

By trying to “schedule” this activity I can minimise disruptions IRL. However, it must be recognised that sometimes there will be “disruptions”, and that is absolutely fine too.

I’ve been using this meme quite a bit lately 😁

I don’t know, I hope I’m not being controversial. I certainly don’t mean any disrespect, rather the contrary. This is just how we see it in our system 💜

Footnotes