There are a few, such as having perfectly clear, unmarked skin or having no visible cellulite… But I have to say, there's one I can never seem to get over.

“A flat belly”.

I'm aware that nowadays, people are increasingly accepting towards bodily flaws. However, I've already battled with the conditioned mindset of having a flat belly for too long. It began from childhood, in fact.

Somehow, I grew up thinking that a ‘Soft Belly’ = ‘I'm. So. Fat!’. A ‘Soft Belly' = ‘Ate Too Much' = ‘Not Healthy'. It didn't help when most girls around me who were considered pretty were the slim and small kind, with no curve in sight.

As a young girl, I never liked my own body. I used to be chubby. Compared to the others, my shoulders were too wide. My neck wasn't long and elegant. My legs were strong but stubby. I looked ungainly in photos. And of course, my belly was rounded. I hated the sight of myself, whether in the mirror or in pictures. I just felt so… “unbeautiful".

Eventually, I went on a successful weight loss journey when I was around 13, and became the sort of girl I used to look up to/ be envious of. It was as if the tables turned overnight. Suddenly, I had the attention of several popular boys in school. I was the talk of the hallways. I was no longer invisible (though I was still quite shy).

It was highly gratifying. In the beginning, at least. But slowly, other little insecurities started to form and grow.

‘What if I become fat again one day?’

‘I'm going to have to keep watching my diet.’

*Checks the flatness of my belly while showering*

‘Can I still see my feet when I look down?’

*Checks the flatness of my belly while looking sideways at the mirror*

‘Is it me or do I seem a little thicker today?’

‘Why is there a bulge over my jeans? So ugly.’

*Checks the scales*

‘My weight's gone up by one kilo…”

I wasn't happy when I had a chubby belly. And I still wasn't completely happy when I'd achieved a significantly flatter belly. It was never enough. I wanted it to be as flat and even as an airport runway.

You see, even at my slimmest and fittest and healthiest throughout the years, there was a stubborn little lower belly pooch which never went away despite the abs I'd gained, the workouts and the healthy eating. It would shrink significantly, but a bit of softness would always remain. And I didn't like it. It felt so unsatisfactory.

Now as an adult, I'm learning more each day about what it means to be truly beautiful (Spoiler alert: Having a flat belly isn't #1). But I have to admit, it's been tough. I'm still mostly just as affected by this strange ideal as I was back then.

I love food, but am also unreasonably afraid of growing a pudding belly. Oh, what a life.