Communication in my opinion, is especially ephemeral. It is one of its principal properties. Whether internally or externally.

Good communication is a fully reciprocal iterative process of expression and explanation. Where one first expresses their opinion then explains what they mean. Although this model does not prevent misunderstandings, when properly implemented it can resolve them.

“What do you mean?” And “What I mean is” are commonplace Q&As in appropriately inquisitive interactions.

For example, I’ve known of my little one for a couple of years. Communication has been consistent and emotionally intense. A few flashbacks have been shared. We got really close. I knew I was missing something, but just kept at it.

Sometimes communication was wonderful. Not verbal, but it was certainly about bonding, spending time together.

Other times it felt a lot like trauma dumping. Intensely disturbing feelings with situational information would just swirl in my mind and shake me to the core.

All intermixed with instances of childish joy and frequent prolonged absences.

How does one evaluate the effectiveness of such highs and lows and differences in outcomes?

Well, the answer is in Social Skills 101. They are people. They will often behave age-appropriately, even when they can process information above their age level. Sometimes they will need time to process the information. They regularly need to think things through, to research, to discuss, to formulate opinions … Sometimes they get distracted, or completely forget a topic or conversation …

And the same is true for whoever Is fronting, hosting, or whatnot. Are we even in the right place to understand someone else? I know my selves are often triggered by reading of the conflicts some people have with their inner families. I guess in our system I am lucky because no matter how much conflict there is, everyone is always trying to be focused on the common good. But it has not been easy getting to this level of cooperation.

It is tricky. For example, after two years of talking to my “inner child” I have only just found out there’s actually three children in the system plus a few “friendly demons” as they endearingly call them.

How would I assess those years of interactions? I’d say positively. We developed a bond through many misunderstandings and by sharing more and more with a commitment to understand each other. That enabled us to value one another more and more, and to discover many different aspects of our individualities.

So, in my experience, I’d say it’s about love, empathy, commitment, and time. Misunderstandings form the basis of understandings.

How are you managing it? 😁💜

View this answer on Auti-multiplicity - Quora - May 5, 2023: Communication with selves