My daughter and her boyfriend were shopping for wedding rings, and they invited her mother and me to tag along. We went to a jewelry store. The kids started looking at wedding sets and were approached by a salesman. My wife and I hung back a little and started looking in cases on the other side of the store.
In a short time we were approached by a different salesman who apparently didn’t notice that we were with the young couple on the other side of the store. Oh, I should mention here that my wife, who had always been extremely thin her entire life, had recently started to develop a little belly fat, and she was very self-conscious of it.
Anyway, the salesman came over and it was clear that he thought we were in the market for engagement and wedding rings ourselves. Why not? We were both in our forties, although my wife looked younger. We smiled and played along, and while the salesman was getting a set out of the case to show us, he continued his patter, talking about how he knew I wanted to take good care of her, “especially with the little one on the way.”
Time froze. I have never seen my wife so deeply offended by anything anyone has ever said. And the instant he saw her face, the salesman realized he had made a faux pas of monumental proportions. And I, looking at the two of them, was trying my hardest not to burst out laughing.
Without a word, my wife turned around and walked straight out the door. The salesman was so flustered he couldn’t even speak. I shouted over to the kids “Mom and I will be waiting out in the car.” They looked up from what they were doing, puzzled, but they could tell that SOMETHING major had just happened.
They joined us outside momentarily and we went someplace else. Here’s an inflexible rule that works at all times and in all circumstances: never mention that a woman is pregnant UNLESS SHE TELLS YOU. I don’t care if she’s nine months, bigger than a house, in labor and you can see the head of the baby crowning: unless you have a medical reason to do so, DON’T SAY A WORD. Just saying.