Personally I have had that type of conflict with an employee that other people have also had conflicts with. I was unaware of these conflicts until in a meeting he practically threw me under the bus and blamed me for for the reason why he was unable to complete his assigned objective. The lead had to literally talk him down from his rant.

There was another incident in which I was not present for, but the manager was. This manager realized that despite me being unaware initially of the incident, he knew I would find out eventually, and that the fact that it happened was a sign that the dynamic between this co-worker and I had some problems that needed to be addressed.

So what this manager did, was come to me with the complaints this co-worker had about me, and his sentiments towards me. The manager and I sat down and talked about problems with our dynamic, he acknowledged what I was doing well, what he could see I was working hard on, what I could work on more, and way to mitigate conflicts with this co-worker. And one important thing that he expressed to me was that I could talk to him about issues that arouse with this co-worker anytime I felt I needed to.

Also he offered if I felt that me talking to him would do more harm than good, he could volunteer to speak to him instead of me. But of course, not constantly, but when I felt I had some input I felt was going to be dismissed or ignored, but was a valid consideration that could help the overall project, and having my opinion coming from this manager might be received better, and induce more cooperation from this co-worker.

Another thing was my manager suggested other people I could ask for assistance from with smaller things, so not to interact with this co-worker as much.

Professionally, I have to say that this incident was one of the best things that has happened to me. After dealing with this co-worker, it was the first time I ever felt so much verbalized support, recognition and appreciation for my job on the team. For the first time I felt like I was really part of the team. Because of the first conflict, it was a stunning realization that this is my job. Dealing with this person is my job. That there were communication breakdowns between the rest of the team and him, and there needed to be someone to be the bridge. I am the bridge. And people wouldn't have put me in that position if they didn't think I couldn't handle it. Maybe they didn't expect so much conflict at first but they are thankful that I didn't bolt. "We want you to stay around," is what I kept hearing from people around me. Seriously, dealing with this person was apart of my work evaluation. Got "Exceeded Expectations" in that category.

I have grown professionally, in the fact that more times than not I decide to try to figure things out for myself, rather than rely on this more senior co-worker, so I don't need to go to them as often. If I do have to request information or ask questions from this person, I make sure I am succinct and ask for exactly what I need so there is no confusion. My communication skills have improved incredibly. I make sure I regularly communicate to the team my current task and progress. So that co-worker doesn't always have to come directly to me to ask me what I am doing. Also, so that people are aware of what is going on, so that if there is a flair up of a conflict, the facts aren't murky due to lack of regular communication.

I have made more connections to other co-workers, by feeling more comfortable asking them questions and learning from people that don't have conflicts with me, and empathize with me.

I have become a calmer more even headed person. I have had to learn to separate this co-worker's overreactions and complains from things that I can do and manage. I am constantly learning from my mistakes, and I take each butting of heads as a opportunity to sit back and figure out how I can make a similar future situation like that better. Realize what I can make better and what I can't. When to let criticism roll of my back, and when they say something valid. And when I do find myself getting frustrated tell someone who understands the situation and can give good advice.

Like I said before, this situation has made me feel more apart of the team.

So every time I have an issue with this co-worker, I think "This is my job, and the team is relying on me to manage this." And all of this couldn't have been possible if my manager didn't acknowledge my point of view, give me tools and strategies to manage the situation and give realistic expectations of the future of this working relationship.