It depends on the type of narcissist they are.

A closet (or covert) narcissist is the type who does not want to be seen to be openly chasing the limelight, so they tend to choose supply who makes them look good by association. They’ll usually go for successful people - those with high status who others admire. They can then bask in the reflected specialness of that person, which makes them feel good about themselves.

All types of narcissists go for someone who is vulnerable to their narcissism in some way. Victims may be:

• Rescuers - who want to save the narcissist, and so forgive them over and over again. These people need to rescue to feel good about themselves.
• People who believe that ‘love conquers all’ - again these people believe that if they can just love the narcissist more, things will be ok. A narcissist will keep them hooked by asking them to try harder to love them better.
• People who believe that all people are ‘basically good’. If they don’t believe in narcissism, this is great news for a narcissist.
• Codependents - these types put other people’s needs above their own, and so give and give to the narcissist, who just takes and takes. They need the narcissist to feel ok in order for feel ok themselves. Prime fodder for a narcissist. Be particularly careful if you’ve been in relationships with substance addicts, because you may be drawn to a narcissist next.
• People with poor boundaries. Narcissists have a sense of entitlement, and so they will exploit those with poor boundaries over and over again. If you are someone who says no, but then gives in anyway when pushed, you will be a magnet for a narcissist.
• People pleasers - with some overlap with the above categories, people pleasers want to give rather than receive. They focus on what people think about them rather than what they think about others, and so narcissists can easily slip under the radar with these types.
• Echoists. These people are on the opposite end of the spectrum to narcissists, and so are highly attracted/attractive to them. They have an aversion to feeling special, and, like codependents, try not to have any needs.
• Empaths. Empathic people just keep on forgiving, and their empathy for the narcissist lets them get away with appalling behaviours. They will make excuses for them, and justify, deny and minimize their abuse, and fall for their pity plays over and over again.
• Those who have been brought up in toxic, abusive or narcissistic households. To them, being treated badly feels normal, like ‘home’, and they are strongly attracted to the narcissist because subconsciously they are feeling the pull of the familiar.
• People who need ‘saving’ - the underdogs, those who have been hurt in the past, the victims of life’s cruel circumstances. Once saved by a narcissist, they will feel indebted to them, and find it too hard to leave.

I hope this helps.

Dr Supriya McKenna is the co-author of “Divorcing a Narcissist - the lure, the loss and the law” and “Narcissism and Family Law - a Practitioner’s Guide”. She is also co-host of the highly successful podcast “Narcissists in divorce - the lure, the loss and the law” with top UK lawyer Karin Walker.