My mum was born in 1930, to a typically middle-class British family, meaning that she was brought up to be a lady. Being "ladylike" meant NEVER lowering yourself: never arguing in public, "not noticing" the rudeness of others (who, by their actions, have proved themselves not worthy of notice), being graceful and courteous at all times.

All I can tell you is that, although being ladylike DOES have its advantages (Mum always seemed to have the upper-hand with strangers, for example, and many acquaintances mentioned to me how "lovely" my mum was), as someone who tried (and failed) to do "ladylike" when I was young, I can tell you that it's INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. Or, at least, it was for me.

Being ladylike is actually very like wearing a highly constricting corset. It's something from a bygone era that really doesn't suit the pattern of womanhood that prevails in the modern world. It's uncomfortable, makes you feel frustrated and hot and bothered: it's something that you only get used to if you wear it ALL the time. It's a restraint that, oftentimes, you just have the URGE to break free from. But, boy! Does it make you look good.

Such was her graceful deportment, it was rare indeed that I witnessed anyone even beginning to be rude to Mum, but I can remember one instance. We were at the cosmetics counter of a department store, and Mum was asking for her lipstick to be exchanged. She had bought it the week before, but when she had got home and taken it out of the box, it was clear that it had been damaged. You could see by looking at it what had happened to that lipstick: it clearly hadn't ever been used. Mum was asking for a new, undamaged replacement.

The (very) young lady on the department started to make all kinds of comments and insinuations to Mum that absolutely enraged me. I actually had to back away from the counter because I couldn't help myself but intervene. How could this young girl challenge Mum's honesty? How, indeed, could she lecture her on how to carry lipstick without damaging it (when Mum had been wearing lipstick at all times for at least 50 years by this point)? How dare she continually interrupt Mum, talk over her (with a loud, insultingly insincere "friendly" voice), patronisingly advising her about something that Mum knew, but the sales assistant clearly didn't (I.e. Mum's consumer rights)? As a retailer myself, I started to hyperventilate!

However, Mum simply looked at the young woman with an entirely glacial expression. And she waited. As the woman mentioned the dangers of dropping a lipstick, Mum was clearly in agreement. As she described how fragile cosmetics were in general, Mum nodded. As the woman told Mum that it wasn't acceptable for customers to bring back items that they had damaged, Mum didn't demur. Indeed, even as the woman made completely ridiculous statements (such as "you can't keep lipstick in a handbag: it's far too fragile"), Mum refrained from doing what I would have done: rammed the thing up that girl's left nostril, just to test how fragile it really was).

Mostly sage advice, as far as Mum was concerned. And anyway, the girl was clearly more than welcome to think anything that she liked, regardless how stupid, inaccurate and ridiculous it was: that was her affair. Mum was simply waiting, listening politely until she got her lipstick.

The girl started off so well: her loud, sing-song delivery echoed across the shop floor for all the world as if she was reciting something she had learned by rote. She made it clear she certainly didn't think she had to give an exchange to a quiet senior lady! This old gal was going to be a pushover! She went on and on, first gleefully, then, perhaps becoming more aware of Mum's glacial "look", with steadily diminishing confidence. After a while, her voice started to falter. It was like watching a clockwork toy winding down. Eventually, she was stunned into silence. She stood and blinked at Mum.

"I suppose you want a new one, then?" She said at last.

"Yes, please. That would be lovely.". Said Mum, brightly.

The woman handed it over.

"Thank you so much for all your help", Mum said, matter-of-factly snapping her handbag closed on the lipstick, and turning towards the door.

So what's the perfect thing to say to someone who is being rude to you? It turns out, nothing at all.