I could no longer stand by and watch them enable my brother.

My brother is abusive (emotionally and physically - he has sent my father to the hospital), mentally ill, and addicted to drugs. He is diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychosis and with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is unable to take responsibility for his own actions and frequently blames my parents for his numerous issues, despite living under their roof, and swings back and forth between worshipping them and accusing them of horrendous things.

The violence is the worst part. He’s almost 30 and my parents are in their 60s. For the past ten years, I’ve expected a knock on my door and the inevitable news that he’s killed them. I’ve cried and begged my parents to kick him out. Put an end to it. They have gotten a restraining order, but quickly had it retracted so he could move back in. The abuse continues. And so on. It’s been so stressful for me that I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago.

My father has repeatedly stated that he can’t throw him out.

I distanced myself after the breakdown. I had to. I felt as if I would lose my mind if I didn’t. Nothing changed.

My brother recently began directing his vitriol toward me. I knew this marked the beginning of the end. I knew my parents would allow this behavior to continue and expect me to “deal with it” just as they have. They both claimed to understand why I needed my distance, but my father would often make comments like, “I wish I could just run away” or “it’s hard for me, too.” This made me feel guilty that I was placing my needs first.

Once my brother set his sights on me, I knew I had to cut him out of my life. Because he is so deeply involved in the lives of my parents, this also included cutting them off. I also knew their silence and the lack of consequences would enable my brother’s poor treatment of me - and if there were any chance of healing our relationship, that would destroy it.

I specifically told them that if and when my brother was out of their house, we could contact each other again. Since then, I’ve heard nothing.

My mom did text my spouse. The text message read that she’d let us know “when [ my brother ] was out.” As much as I want to hope, I have no reason to believe that they will ever change. This is the choice they made. They choose to enable him. I have to accept that.

All of this happened one week ago.

I’m still struggling so much. I miss my mom. She’s my best friend. I cry almost every day. Even watching a scene between someone and their mom is enough to get me going. I want nothing more than to pick up and phone and text her, but I know I can’t. I’m so angry that their shared passivity has allowed this to happen and they don’t value me enough to make the necessary changes for the sake of our relationship. I feel robbed of what would have otherwise been a wonderful family.