Growing up I saw my father about every 2 weeks since my parents were divorced. After being abused by his drugie girlfriend who was literally half his age and the lack of child support he wasn’t paying I eventually had him phased out of my life by my mother. After she died in a car crash when I was 15 I had to move in with my father. A man I hadn’t seen in over 4 years. I spent the night after my mother died on the couch of a crack whore my father was sleeping with. I woke up at 3 a.m. to see my him being chased out of that apartment with a butcher knife.

You see my father is a very likable man. Intelligent, well spoken, easy going, handsome, good at his craft (concrete and masonry). You see all these things don’t make you a good father unfortunately. My father is a 65 year old bachelor, he has 3 children between 2 different women and has never been a father to any of us. He’s always been a gambling addict with poor money management and an even worse temperament at times. This man live’s his own life, always has and always will. In my 25 years of life I have received exactly zero birthday presents from this man, and never received a Christmas present. He has blown off my dinner invitations and request to meet more than I care to mention.

My father has never been abusive. He never sexually assaulted me. He never stole from me. I cannot even say I dislike my father as a man. He’s just never been a father. He has no emotional availability, he’s selfish, and as a son it’s hard to stay in contact with him. After not being there for me my entire life and the little to no shit he gives about me in adulthood I can say talking to him is more of a chore on my psyche than anything else. I have constantly thought about changing my number and just forgetting his. Now that my grandmother (his mother) has passed away and his grieving period is done this thought has just grown stronger, I owe him nothing and he does nothing but add stress and toxicity to my life at this point. I think the bigger question is why haven’t I disowned him at this point.