My father is an undiagnosed sufferer of borderline personality disorder and my mother is codependent. I have not spoken with them in nearly 20 years. I was so exhausted from the gaslighting, manipulation and toxic criticism. They are racist, judgmental and homophobic…and that doesn’t even mention the strange behaviors, the way my father’s moods can flip on a dime. I can’t recall a day growing up when my father didn’t take pokes at how fat, ugly and stupid I was. If I showed how much the comments hurt me, then I had no sense of humor. Most of the abuse from him was mental/emotional but there were a couple of occasions when it crossed over to physical. The final straw came well into adulthood when I introduced them to my then fiancé and they behaved as though he weren’t present in the room at all. I left deeply angry and resolved never to contact them again. There was no argument or discussion, I simply left their house and never went back. They have never attempted to reach out to me and eventually moved out of state. At the time of separation, people who knew us could not understand why I would turn my back on my father, who outwardly appears to be this great, jovial guy. He milked it for all it was worth and painted me as the ungrateful wayward daughter with my mother nodding her head and agreeing with every single thing he said. Therapy and the passage of time have helped me understand that a) they are both unwell, b) there’s nothing I can do to make that any better, c) the daily insults from dad were him lashing out at his own overweight mother, and d) I did the right thing to preserve my own sanity.