After about 14 years of emotional abuse I disowned my father

I was not that child who run out to welcome ‘'father’ home from work. In fact I stayed inside and my stomach would twist in knots so much I had to run to the toilet and have stomach cramps, especally when he was late home which meant certain trouble because he had been drinking and very short tempered.

My stomach knots where like Oh no whats going to happen?

Dinner is ruined, down it goes to the floor, another broken plate, Mother gets punched, another brused rib or two. I sit quietly crying wanting it to stop and this went on for years, The Police where called a few times by the neighbours, That horrid noise of crying and his yelling and hitting,

One day I seen the worst, I was inside looking out the window to the back yard with my mothers back towards me and him facing me. Some angry look on his face and some angry words said and then he punched her in the face and she goes down knocked out and he proceeded to kick her all over, I was shocked, stunned and horrifie.

Tears flowing down my face wanting this horror to stop. Who will stop it? I was 7 or so and then made a promise to never marry, And I never had,

After their devorce, he could not let go, he would find us and harras my mother to take him back and we had to move to get away from him until he finds us again and on it went, During this time I went to a few different schools and why bother making friends because we might have to move again and we did again and again. I had no social life outside of school and now still not devolped socially considering my age.

Never had a relationship, just 2 brief flings. Tryed to kill myself 3 times. Drink and drugs from late teens to about early 30s. Almost died from a dirty needle.

Never seen or talked to my father for 30 odd years till my mother heard on the grape vine he might of died,

Find out she tells me and if it's true I can lay my ghosts to rest, I find out and it's true, some ghosts are gone but some won't go very easy, I have lots of stuff bottled up inside, Anger and unused Love, horrid lonelines to name a few

Also found out he was married 8 times, I am from the 1st and I knew about the 2nd which ended like the 1st,

How many other lifes are ruined?

Sad.