I’m a 27 year old Male and I have no logical reason, and still dont know, why I disowned my family. I’m just starting to make slow progress with reconnecting with only close family.

I left my parents and younger brother when I was 19 and didnt talk to them or any family member for six nearly seven years. To this day I still have trouble explaining to myself why I never wanted to see them again. I don’t even remember how old I was (maybe 13) when I decided I was gonna move out and never talk to any of them again. I know I just wanted to be independent but there was also an unexplainable hatred towards them for no reason. They weren’t the perfect parents but they never treated me wrong and raised me well. I just think our communication was poor. To this day I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m spiteful and hate small talk with strangers and my parents and family all started to feel like strangers who didn’t know me. But I felt like I could predict their every action and their loving words felt faked even though they were genuine. They repulsed me and annoyed me for no explainable reason. Even when they were just being charismatic good people asking how my day was or telling me they loved me. It annoyed me to no end and I just convinced myself they were incompetent idoits and focused on every little mistake they made. I thought about how I would raise a child completely differently with tough love and harsh rationality.

I was 100% committed to keeping the promise to myself that I would leave every family member and never need to talk to them again.

Years down the line I thought I could forget them but that is impossible. You can never truly forget the ones that raised you. My guilt persuaded me to call them almost 7 years later and I will say my communication with them is still not the best. It’s very hard to talk with them for too long but I feel better about myself for trying more and more. I still have trouble picking up the phone when they call. I wish someone could explain it to me because I sound crazy and cant explain it to myself. I still dont feel like I will ever love them as people but I know I felt bad for them and feel better for my own conscious that I’m making a small effort.

I saw a psychiatrist when I was 17 and they said I had ADD, mild depression, and some short term memory problems. Not too out of the ordinary.