I certainly agree with the other answer. I will not repeat the same advice because it is sound and repetition is boring!
Instead I’d like to add some points to ponder, I hope it is ok.
I just cry and despair in total solitude until one day I am just sick and tired of feeling like that.
That seems to flick a switch in my brain where I can start the recovery process.
ADHD affects us in so many diverse and incomparable ways, but there are two key features that can be used to our advantage:
- Boredom
- Dissociation
From personal experience, ADHDers are very resourceful. Helplessness is certainly a learnt trait and quite often the origin of RSD, OCD, maladaptive daydreaming and other unhelpful behaviours we take on as children to cope with masking.
Generally, our skills and abilities are judged according to how adept we are at masking. So, someone who is authentic will generally tend to see themselves more as a failure, exacerbating the maladaptive use of our very evolutionary traits. It is a type of neurodivergent self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I get a leg amputated, I would not expect to learn how to cope from a full-bodied person. Otherwise I will internalise the prejudices and misunderstandings of those who cannot relate to the experience.
As someone who is extremely clumsy, I would prefer a coach at the gym who is dyspraxic or has similar difficulties to mine. After using gyms for more than 20 years, it was a real challenge to learn that form is different for someone who has a different body “layout”, so to speak.
So, we need to stop taking on what people tells us is acceptable behaviour.
My recommendation is always: Do You!
Trust yourself, your genes, your brain, your abilities, accept your weirdness and your weaknesses, your gut feelings …
Unfortunately unlearning and cutting out the prejudice and ableism that we have been given is difficult, especially when you are going through emotional turmoil as you are now. But it’s also the best time.
ADHD really gets the best out of us when everything is falling apart … Our strength comes from within!
I wish you all the best in this difficult time, feel free to reach out if you need to. Solitude can be comfortable when we are comfortable with ourselves 🩵
