How do I not settle for less in a relationship? Because I’ve seen both sides; I know what happens when you settle. My maternal grandma did and both her marriages were miserable, full of fighting, verbal abuse, drug abuse and violence. Not settling though? That means you know you deserve to be with someone who treats you with love, respect, patience, empathy, honesty and communicates with you and you aren’t willing to accept being denied that. Know what happens when you wait for that?

• My Grandma said she never had as much fun with other people as she did with Grandpa before they married and hadn’t had as much fun with anyone since his death.
• Even after 40 years of marriage, Grandpa still wrote Grandma letters and poems.
• Because even when he was dying, Grandpa still tried to make Grandma laugh. They’d have been married for over fifty years now if he was still here.
• My mom loves to wear shirts that smell like my father and they’ve been married for 29 years.
• Mom claims she could find my father in a room blindfolded just by how he smells.
• Because my mother has gone to every home wrestling match my dad has coached for over twenty years and she’s the loudest in the stands as she supports him and his team
• Every match, Dad texts Mom and tells her she looks pretty.
• Whenever they go to a wedding and hear “Fishing in the Dark” Dad find Mom to dance with her because “it’s our song”.
• Every year on my mom’s birthday, my dad calls her and has his class sing ‘Happy Birthday’.
• My family is a stereotypical loud, Irish-Catholic family. My aunt’s husband has social anxiety and he still comes with her to every family event.
• Mom says that my father makes her feel safe; he says Mom makes him feel needed.
• My best friend and his soon-to-be-wife love books. He proposed to her by hiding notes in their favorite books, telling her all the things he loved about her.
• My honorary mom has a sign taped to her pantry of the things in her life she is thankful for. Her husband’s name is the largest and written in bold marker.
• My honorary dad gets up and makes his wife coffee even though she has to leave for work an hour before he does.
• Because my cousin wrote two sentences to describe himself in a professional Facebook profile. One was about being a business owner and the other was about being Rachel’s husband.

Seeing both sides, I know what I want for myself and my future. When I think about settling, I remind myself of what I’ll miss out on if I do.