A few years ago, my husband and I attempted to get a late lunch at a local restaurant. It was approximately 3:40 when we arrived (we had just checked our clocks because we attempted to go to another restaurant first but they had just closed.)

There was one waitress and only four of the tables in the restaurant were filled (there were only parties of 1 to 3 people, no large parties). It was a little slow getting menus and our drink orders in, but not terrible. I’d say it was about 10 minutes before we had our water and Coke. At this time, she took our orders. We hadn’t eaten yet that day, so we got both appetizers and mains.

The mix was really off on the Coke and apparently, it tasted terrible, so my husband drank very little of it, just a few sips. We wanted to ask for water instead, but over the course of the next 45 minutes, the waitress never once came back to our table to check on us. And in that time, another table ordered, got their meal, ate their meal, and got their checks – and we still didn’t have our appetizers. For most of this time, the waitress was just sitting at the register/bar and, as far as we can tell, not doing much except checking her phone and staring off into space.

After a full hour had passed since we arrived, we decided to leave. We went up to the counter to pay for the coke (which had barely been touched). I went up with a smile and planning to be apologetic that we had to go, because even though I was annoyed she didn’t check on us more, I figured it wasn’t the waitress’s fault that the kitchen was slow, nor was it her fault we were so hungry when we arrived.

But when she saw us coming up with our coats and things, her comment was, “What ARE you DOING?” with so much attitude I was taken aback. So then, I let her know that the situation was unacceptable and why, she retorted that it wasn’t a fast food restaurant (again, everything she was saying to us was in a really confrontational tone), I said yes, I knew it wasn’t fast food, but over an hour and we didn’t even have our appetizers wasn’t acceptable, so we just wanted to pay for the coke and go. We went back and forth for a bit (neither of us yelling, but both of us had angry tones), then she flounced into the kitchen and proceeded to bitch to the chef about me, which we and the entire restaurant could hear clearly because the kitchen had no door, so then at that point, I walked out. I had fully intended to pay for the coke, even though he had less than a fifth of it, but her behavior was so rude I was done. My husband was a little behind me and I guess the chef walked out to talk to me but I was already at the door. My husband just said, “Too late” and followed me out. We have never gone back there again and I warn others away.

Another time we went to a restaurant and the waitress never even took our order – even though there were less than 5 tables full in a room with over 20 tables and we were there for two hours because we were watching a live bellydance show. She gave us our waters and the menus, I commented that I was super hungry and then she proceeded to never return, even though she was literally 10 feet away from us, at the bar, with a direct line of sight to our table, no one else between us and her. During this two hour period, she checked on and delivered food to the booth adjacent to ours and also checked on other tables. The view to our booth was in no way obstructed (they were short booths, not privacy ones), and we were very obviously sitting there with our menus (closed so that she didn’t think we were still looking through them).

When we talked to the manager, the waitress claimed she forgot about us. I have literally no idea how that is plausible.

So we didn’t pay, but to be fair, we literally had nothing to pay for, we just had water.

—-Clarification added to original post —–

I seem to be getting a lot of the same comments and questions, so I’m adding clarification to the original post. :)

1. In general, I tip waitstaff 20% or more even if service was poor because I figure either it was circumstances out of their control or they were just having a bad day. I try not to be too demanding because I know they are normally very busy. Any requests I do make I am always sure to use my pleases, thank yous, and other polite language. I also tend to preface requests with comments like, “When you have a moment,” or “It’s not an immediate need, but when you have a chance, could we get…” etc. Though I have never been a waitress personally, my sister was for many years at late night restaurants in a college town, and I have heard so many stories about what waitstaff deal with, so I give them a lot of leeway. That’s part of the reason we waited so long at the first restaurant -- I try to be very accommodating.

2. Yes, of course we tried, in both cases, to get the waitresses’ attention. It didn’t work and we eventually gave up.

3. In both cases, each waitress was the only waitress in the whole room, so neither was a case of the waitress not realizing we were in her section. There was only one section to wait on.

4. In the first restaurant, I think the manager was the chef, based on the fact that who she went to talk to after we told her we wanted to pay for the coke and leave. (I actually tried to pay for the coke, but she wouldn’t ring me up, and instead started getting mad at me for wanting to leave, argued with me about it, then walked in the back to talk to the chef/manager).

5. In the second restaurant, again, she was the only waitress in the whole room. We did not see another worker until we left (I didn’t even realize there was a manager on duty until we saw her on our way out, or I would have said something sooner).

6. In both cases, my only apparent option to talk to another staff member would have been to walk into the kitchen and, maybe it’s just me, but I feel like that’s something you just don’t do, as a patron at a restaurant.

7. In the second case, the reason we waited over 2 hours was because the main reason we were there was to see my friends’ bellydance performances. We had arrived early to make sure we would get a good seat (not knowing that barely anyone would show up). Then the performance didn’t start on time and there were multiple dancers, with costume changes, sound issues, etc., so things stretched out longer than expected. And since there were so few people in the restaurant, if we had left, that would have been 20% of the audience gone. It’s really hard to perform to an empty room and I wanted my friends to have a good experience when they performed and smiling audience members go a long way towards that. So we stuck it out until the performances were over, then went and got food somewhere else.

Thanks for all your comments. I hope you have a great day!