I guess in order to understand my answer to this question, one needs to understand how my system works.

There are 3 layers of “me”

1. The system layer. This is the easy one. Everyone is part of “me”, or as I call it, ME.
2. The “now” layer. This is the combination of everyone who takes part in the “now”. I guess one term would be fronting, but it’s a little more complicated than that if we also take into consideration passive influences. Effectively, everyone that is contributing to the “now” makes up this version of “me”.
3. The identity layer, which is in itself multilayered:
1. The identity itself, for example the one I call Lil’ One, which is a 10 year old child
2. The identity’s parts, so for Lil’ One we have Todd the toddler version of Lil’ One, Bob the 3 year old, and Will, the 9 year old
3. The parts’ fragments, each containing small pieces of history

Usually, when I say “I” I mean whoever is in the “now”, layer 2. This can be rather busy and people come and go according to what we are doing and whether they want to be part of it or not.

So, our body, or “Host Shell” is Herbie (yeah, like the lovely self-conscious VW beetle!). He is naturally happy. He loves changing and morphing into whoever is in the now space. Sometimes, when there is a clear person fronting, he gets to know them intimately. He becomes them. And he enjoys switching between different identities, parts, and taking on the fragments. I guess in many respects he is the one who knows everyone the most: how they feel, how they see the world, how they think. And everyone adores him.

Sometimes, however, there is nobody in the “now”. He is alone. And that is when he notices that he is nothing without the boys. He has no reason to be other than wait for someone to front.

Sure, he can cook, clean, do the basic chores of everyday life. But he doesn’t feel like a person. He doesn’t have an identity. He doesn’t have a real sense of self. Without the others, he is just a shell.

And that is why he relates to the term “shell host”. And there is a marked difference. All of the boys have a clear sense of identity. They know who they are. It is unquestionable.

But Herbie doesn’t. He feels that he is not real. He does not exists unless we are there with him.

Frankly, that is a feeling we don’t know how to help him with. Each of the boys have their triggers and sadness, and we know how to manage those. We know how soothe them. It’s basic psychology. It’s managing trauma.

But how do you soothe someone who think he is not real? In his mind he is not even a ghost. In fact he is terrified that when we die, he will be the only one who will not continue the journey. Our souls will move on, while he will actually die and will cease to exist.

To be honest, that thought strikes terror into all of us. We love Herbie more than words can express. We love him as much as we love everyone else in our system. We can’t imagine life without him. Even a spiritual body-less one.

I guess that is a consequence of believing that life does not end with death. If we didn’t believe in the afterlife probably this issue would be moot. We try not to leave him alone. We tell him how important he is to us. We try and show him how much we value him. But we don’t have answers. We share his fears.

But so, we loathe the term “host shell”. Layer one that includes everyone is incomplete without him. And he does not believe he belongs there.

So, that is why I was asking the question. I would like to understand how others experience it. Hopefully find some answers, some ideas that can resonate with him, and that reassure him.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.