Your phone rings, the FaceTime caller ID shows that it is one of your classmates.

You are beside yourself. Barely anyone calls you in the evenings to talk. Living as a single child, your only entertainment was either YouTube or Quora, and the occasional email from your teacher to remind you of an upcoming test.

You slide your finger across the screen to answer.

“Hello!”

“Hey,” your friend says. You could see her sitting at her desk, pencil in hand. “Do you have time? Are you busy?”

“No, not at all!” you all but shriek. She's actually calling you to talk? “What’s up?”

“Yeah, um, so,” she mumbled, not even looking up from whatever she was writing.

“Could you help me with my math homework? Number 5, please.”

Your hopes are dashed to pieces. You muster a weak smile and fidget a little before she finally looks up, expecting an answer. You stammer a “yeah, sure” and unzip your backpack, which was leaning on the wall next to you.

You help her with the questions, and even tell her the answer after she's not able to figure it out herself. She finishes her work and flashes a grin at you with a quick “Okay, thanks.”

Then hangs up.

Being a straight-A student means you are just that—a straight-A student.

You soon come to realize that “the smart kid” is what you will forever be known as. Most don’t even care what you are as a human being. They only know that you are the #1 person to go to in case they weren’t listening to the teacher that day and needed the notes. You feel a satisfaction at first from the fact that you are “helping.” Serving.

Until you stop trying to meet their expectations and try to live your own life.

Then one day you get handed back a B on your paper. The same friend looks over your shoulder.

“What did you get on your paper?”

You turn over the essay to show the glaring 82.5 in red ink.

“Oh,” she sniffs.

“But I thought you were the smart kid?”

EDIT : I’ve been receiving comments saying that some kids genuinely need extra help. As I said, I have no problem reteaching them what we learned in class. It would be my pleasure to do so.

However, there is a distinctive line between the slow thinker and the lazy person. I don’t appreciate people coming to me over and over just because they know I would have the answers.

To all you fellow nerds out there: you rock.

It kinda blows honestly.

Sure, achieving near perfect marks is nice, you not only look good to universities, but you also look intelligent to your peers.

But there’s a few reasons it’s not all too great.

Your classmates envy you when you score high on tests

My biology teacher was handing back tests the day after we took them, and I had scored particularly high on this one.

107 to be exact. He offered extra credit questions and I got every one of the questions correct except one.

Unfortunately, my classmates didn’t fare as well, since the average score seemed to be around 80 or so.

‘Man, I can’t believe I scored a 69 on this test!’ one of my friends said.

‘Yeah,’ another classmate chimed in.

‘I scored a 74. This test was difficult for sure. What’d you get, Anthony?’

‘Um… a 105?’ I nervously replied.

At that point, most of the class stared at me in shock and envy after I showed them my test.

‘How did you study? What are your secrets?’ my peers would sometimes ask.

It doesn’t really help when I tell them I don’t study much, especially when some of my classmates put in significantly more effort yet yield lower grades.

That just makes the situation awkward at best for everyone, and it makes me feel bad.

Everyone asks you for homework help

In my Algebra 2 and Pre-Calc classes, the teacher would give us the last half of class to work on homework, and if we needed assistance, we could either ask the teacher or our peers.

‘Yo Anthony, how do you do #8?’ a classmate asked me.

‘Sorry, but I can’t really explain it all too well. Would you be able to ask someone else? They could probably help you better.’

And I wasn’t saying that to be a jerk or anything. I genuinely suck at explaining things.

‘So, uh, you take this number, and then you uh, do that to that and then you erm…get that, so… um… yeah,’ I tried explaining to a peer.

‘Huh?’ they asked.

Exactly, I couldn’t tell ya either, and that’s why I avoid tutoring.

No room for improvement

An A in school is the highest grade you can achieve, so it’s not like you can really improve.

So after a while, perfection becomes the standard for not only your parents, but also yourself.

I remember the first time I ‘earned’ a C in AP U.S. History, and boy was my mom mad.

‘What the hell, Anthony! You normally get straight-As, so how come you’re doing so poorly?!’ my mom scolded.

‘Mom, listen, it’s a tough class, I’m actually trying and I just can’t remember everything for the tests, and writing history essays aren’t exactly my cup of tea.’

And then my mom goes on about how I’m lazy and unmotivated. It’s amazing, really.

It’s also funny when people use me as the benchmark for a class.

‘Yo dude, even Anthony got a C in APUSH, so that’s how you know it’s hard man,’ I once overheard from some kid a grade below me.

People will try and cheat off of you

I was taking a Biology test once, and the kid who sat next to me in class wasn’t exactly the most intelligent guy.

He was scoring in the 60s and 70s range typically.

On this test however, he scored 91 when I scored a 95.

Mind you, this was also right after new seating arrangements were made, so the teacher quickly figured out why this particular test was so off trend.

Surprise, the kid cheated. So he got a zero, and I was told to be more observant.

I tend to not pay attention to the people around me for fear I’ll get accused for cheating.

People will attempt to make friends with you only for personal gain

‘Hey Anthony, would you like to study together sometime?’ a guy on my soccer team asked me.

‘Uh, I don’t really need to study, but would you like to play soccer at the indoor field this weekend?’ I replied.

‘Nah man, I gotta study hard for an upcoming test, ya know?’ he said.

Turns out I ran into him at the indoor field anyway and he didn’t text me about it. What a coincidence.

Being a straight A student definitely has its upsides, such as being known as the ‘smart’ kid and making your parents proud, but it has many, many downsides as well.

It can be really irritating.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m grateful for my grades and I always have been happy that I can achieve them, but sometimes, I just really want to be less of an overachiever.

• During an exam:

Friend: Psssttttt, Mais!!! *taps annoyingly on table*

Me: What the fuck do you want?! Be quiet!

Friend: Number two please, last one.

Me: *shakes my head* I really don’t know, I completely guessed it.

Friend: Well, let me see anyway!

Me: You’re better off with your own answer.

Friend: As if!! I’m sure you’ll get it right. Now, show me.

Me: *guiltily tilts paper*

Friend: Life saver. Thanks, I owe you one.

I’m not always right.

• The day the homework is due:

Friend: Hey Mais, what did you get for question sixteen on the maths homework?

Me: Oh, I got -4.

Friend: What?! Ugh, how could I get that wrong too? I got 6.

Me: But you could be right. I kinda rushed it.

Friend: Nah, you’re really smart. I’m sure mine is wrong.

I may be really smart, if that’s what you want to call it, but I’m not the mark scheme. I make mistakes.

• After an exam:

Friend: Yo Mais, what did you get?

Me: Oh, 94%.

Friend: WHAT?!!! OMGMGMGMGMGMMGMGMG *has panic attack* I GOT A 96%!!! I DID BETTER THAN YOU OMGMGMGMGMGMMG HOW?!!!!

Me: Good job? :)

Why? It’s not like scoring higher than me equates to winning an Oscar. It's not deep.

• Also after an exam:

Friend: Mais, how did you do?

Me: I got a 98%. You?

Friend: 98%?! Surely, you must be GOD!!!!!

Just, stop. I probs got lucky again. Breathe.

• Before an exam:

Friend: Mais, did you study??

Me: Not really. Kinda just read through the notes.

Friend: PFTTTTTT *hurls spit shower at me* I BET YOU HIT THE BOOKS SO HARD THEY ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL AND THEN DIED.

Why are you asking me, if you don’t want to believe what I’m gonna tell you?

• Before a final:

Me: Ugh, I’m so nervous you guys. I didn’t revise very well at all.

Friend: Yeah yeah; stop complaining. If you’re complaining, what do we do? Die?!

Me: But I-

Friend: No, stop. You’re like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO smart. You’ll be fine, shut up.

Me: Oooookay.

I’m not Einstein. I just work hard. If I don’t study, I won’t do as well. I’m not really cleverer than anyone else. I’m allowed to have feelings. I’m allowed to feel nervous.

• Morning before the bell rings:

Friend: Mais!! Quick, I need your biology homework. I didn’t do any of it!!

Me: *extremely hesitant* I didn’t do it.

Friend: Yeah, funny, hahahahaha. Now, give it to me. Fasterrrr!

Me: Fine, *shakes my head*

I want to help you, but you can’t rely on me for all your work. It makes me feel used and defeats the whole purpose of you having work.

• After sitting an exam:

Friend: Hey Mais, how do you think that chemistry exam was?

Me: It was quite hard. I struggled with a few questions here and there. Not sure if I did too well.

Friend: OH SHUT UP YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT AND THEN GET 500% WHATEVER I DON’T KNOW WHY I ASKED YOU BYE.

Me: …………

So, judging by your logic, I’m not allowed to find anything on this planet difficult?

• During lunchtime:

Me: Okay you guys so basically last night I saw this amazing show on Netfli-

Friend: Netflix? What? You mean you weren’t up all night studying for the physics exam in nine years time like nerds usually do?

Me: But I, erm, yeah. Sure I was..?

I have a life. I swear, I have a fucking life.

That’s just 10% of the struggle. It gets annoying when it’s repetitive. Don’t even get me started on expectations. Or how a B is the end of the world.

It’s hard to maintain a high level of work and grades, and you’re constantly worried one slip-up, one mistake, will put you down in everyone else’s eyes. With expectations hung above your head, it’s so, so hard to deal with everything.

You eventually feel like a used robot. And then once they can’t benefit from you anymore, you’re all alone.

Grades don’t make you smart, or stupid.

Everyone has a life.

People have feelings.

People have flaws, and always make mistakes, just like you.

You can be a straight A student too. If you set your mind to it, there’s nothing stopping you.

I’m grateful, but there’s ups and downs to everything. I felt the need to mention some of the downs because the ups are known by everyone. Whether or not you’re a straight A student, I think you know the perks of that.

But yeah. That’s that.

Exhibit A: Studying

Straight-A student: *studies in the library everyday.*

Student, internally: “Ugh, such a nerd. There are things other than grades, you know?”

or…

Straight-A student: *is never seen studying.*

Student, internally: “Ugh, he/she’s just born smart. He/she’s just lucky. He/she never even studies.”

Exhibit B: Revision

Student: “Have you studied for the exam yet?”

Straight-A student: “Yeah, I’ve been revising for an entire month already.”

Student, internally: “What a nerd. Get a life.”

or…

Student: “Have you studied for the exam yet?”

Straight-A student: “No, I haven’t done anything for it yet.”

Student, internally: “He/she’s lying, he/she must’ve revised for an entire month already.”

Exhibit C: After the exam

Student: “What did you think of the exam?”

Straight-A student: “I think it wasn’t so bad.”

Student, internally: “Yup. He/she probably got everything right.”

or…

Student: “What did you think of the exam?”

Straight-A student: “It was quite tough, a few questions were really hard.”

Student, internally: “Yup. He/she still probably got everything right.”

Exhibit D: Getting the grades

Straight-A student, happily: “I got a 98%!”

Student, internally: “What a show-off. Nobody asked.”

or…

Student: “What did you get?”

Straight-A student: *doesn’t want to share his/her grade.*

Student, internally: “What’s the big deal it’s just a grade. Just tell me.”

or..

Student, asks: “What did you get?”

Straight-A student, happily: “98%.”

Student, internally, still: “What a show-off. Nobody actually cares.”

You. Never. Win.

My report card came yesterday. My results were as follows:

• 97%- Canadian History
• 96%- Chemistry
• 91%- Physics
• 86%- PreCal

(I’m taking Grade 11 courses as a grade 10 student)

After opening it up and reading the comments, I stared at the grades for a while. I suddenly became aware that I wasn’t happy.

Since seeing my grades, a feeling built in my chest. Pride. Maybe it was knowing that I was in the top 10% for physics, or that I had the highest mark for my class in both Chemistry and History. Regardless of the cause, this sensation welted in my chest, lumped and made me feel all tingly.

But I wasn’t happy.

I had sacrificed a social life, my sleep and my passions for four numbers on a white sheet of paper tucked in a slim, brown envelope.

When I got home, I opened it and stared at it some more. All it gave me was that cold, lumpy sensation in my chest.

It would never give me the thrill of my fingers flying across a piano during a high-intensity competition.

It would never give me the sound of pounding Japanese drums with all my taiko friends in a cramped, smelly daycare in the basement of a church.

It would never give me the thin, flowy silence that sweeps you up as you read quality literature.

It would never give me the warmth of my family as we watch a Netflix movie curled up on our 10-year old futon, fully accommodated with salty and buttery cream-white popcorn.

Those numbers would never give me satisfaction in myself, because I had sacrificed myself to get them in the first place.

Edit: Thank you for reading. All the numbers associated with this answer are overwhelming.

Imagine this.

You’re walking through the corridors at school, trying to remember what class you have next, when someone says your name.

You look up to see Rachel from calculus class waving and smiling at you. “Heyyyyy, how are you finding the trig internal?” she says, falling into step beside you.

“I’m actually finding it really difficult,” you say. “I don’t really understand the part where—”

“Oh, please.” She cuts you off in the middle of your sentence. “You’re like, the smartest person in the class.”

“But—” you begin to protest, but she doesn’t pay attention.

“I bet you’re completely prepared for our exam already. Anyway, I’ve got to dash. See ya.” She walks off to her class, leaving you staring after her.

Any difficulty you have is invalidated.

In geography class, the teacher’s handing out the marked essays from last week. This particular essay was one you weren’t too happy about, other things had got in the way and you’d ended up finishing it at 3am the night before it was due.

You have your fingers crossed that your grade is at least decent, but you’re nervous as you wait for the teacher to give you your paper back.

When he finally does, it’s with a stern look and a reprimand. “I expected better from you. This is far less than what you’re capable of,” he says in a low voice, flapping your paper onto the desk in front of you.

Toby wants to know what you got on your paper. “Come on,” he says, “please show me? What did you get on it? Who am I kidding, you probably got full marks on it. Why won’t you tell me?”

So you show him the paper just to shut him up. His teasing expression turns to one of shock as he sees that you’ve scored lower than him.

You grimace as you imagine how much worse your parents’ reaction will be when you get home, and all the extra work you’ll have to put in just so this doesn’t affect your final grade.

Everyone expects you to be perfect, every single time.

You’re in class playing Kahoot.

You’re in first place, but then you mess up on an easy question and click the wrong option.

Your screen turns red and the class laughs as you slip five places down the leaderboard. “I can’t believe you didn’t know that!” a girl yells from behind you.

You try not to let it get to you, but you can’t ignore the smug smile of the guy who’s now in first place.

People love to see you fail.

You’re at home after a long day at school.

A notification pops up on your phone. It’s a message from one of your classmates, Lana.

“Hey, what’s up?” the message reads.

“Just studying, you?” you reply.

You stare at the ellipsis while she types out a response. It’s rare that your classmates ever want to talk to you, just for a chat.

But then the response pops up. “Yeah, about that, did you do question three of the chemistry homework yet? Because the teacher said you got it correct but I can’t figure out how to do it.”

Well, of course she wants homework answers. Why else would she be talking to you?

“I think there’s some information on page 93 of the textbook that relates to the question,” you reply. She can do her own work.

“Could you just send me a picture of your answer?”

You sigh and give in, sending her pictures of all three pages of your working out. “Sweet, thanks.” she says. That’s the last you hear of her. Until the next time the teacher sets homework.

To some people, you will never be anything more than an answer-providing robot.

So what’s it really like to be a straight-A student?

Straight As don’t mean you’re automatically smart or anything. Whatever grades you get are the grades you work for. It’s not that you have a magical smart gene that makes you breeze through exams with no effort.

The way you’re treated by peers, teachers and parents can be incredibly frustrating. There’s the burden of everyone’s expectations. The constant worry that you might slip up.

It can be really stressful.

Few people seem to understand that.

Imagine you are a straight-B student. You struggle to get anything higher than a 90, and because of that, you study.

One day, your test gets handed back. You expect a B, as usual, but you are greeted with a surprise. An A.

You’re extremely happy and proud of your grade. You spent hours studying for this test, and they have paid off. You have an A.

Now imagine you are a straight-A student. Afraid of bad grades, you study.

When your test gets handed back, you are afraid to look at your score. After gathering up the courage, you take a peek.

An A.

Relief floods into you. Your grade will still be an A, you’re safe.

There’s a difference in those feelings. When you are a straight-A student, you don’t get joy from good grades, only relief.

Would you rather be successful, or happy?

I’m a straight A student, with the occasional 89 I suppose. Here’s a scenario:

Me: Dad, I got a 100!

Dad: Good, good.

Ok, here’s another:

Me: Dad, I got a 91%

Dad: Too close to a B! Study more!

Yeah, I’m an Asian. So basically ‘A’ means average and ‘B’ means below average. It sucks. I study way more than what an average kid in my grade studies (its supposed to be an hour, I do 3–4 hours). I study a lot and sometimes can be stressful, gotta admit. I usually miss High Honors by a point or 2, but I suppose you can still count me as a straight A.

Edit: I would rather be an B student, but my parents would kill me if I got below an A. They also attempt to guilt-trip me occasionally (my older cousins have it harder), about coming to America, working, and all that stuff and it works (sometimes). In the Summer, I still do work. Of course, I do the school summer work, but I also must do this other extra school and workbooks. It’s terrible, but I’m kinda used to it.

Difficult. But also very… strange.

“Hey mommy,” I dashed into the kitchen, saddened look on my face, “I got an 89 on my Geometry test.”

She stares at me.

Raises her finger.

And after a paragraph of silent ellipsis, she says,

“Okay. You’ll do better next time.”

That’s right.

My mother - and my father, for that matter, doesn’t care about my grades.

“Daddy,” I walk by the living room couch, “I have to retake that Spanish test - I got a 78.”

“Stop complaining about your grades,” he always replies. “You should’ve seen my grades in high school.”

“What was your grade-”

“Nunya business.”

A friend and I talk outside of the geometry classroom.

“You got a 92 on the geometry CBA (CBA’s are district tests in my area)!?”

“Yeah, I know,” I sigh. “It’s gonna lower my average.”

Humble-brag alert.

Matthias laughs, “You say that as though that’s a bad grade! Literally everybody in the class got 80s on that CBA.”

“Yeah, but still-”

“I myself got an 84! That’s not a low grade.” Matthias crosses his arms.

“But I am a 99 in that class, and I already calculated it to make my average-”

“Hey, Neha!” Matthias raises his hand. “Come here!”

Another friend of mine walks towards the classroom. “Matthias, this better not be one of your stupid pranks again.”

“No, no, you see, Sheldon over here is complaining about getting a 92 on the CBA.”

Neha chuckles, “Seriously? Sheldon, what was your grade?”

“…” I remain silent.

“Sheldon, seriously,” she rolls her eyes, “I bet your grade was just, like, a 93 or a 94.”

I mumble to myself.

“What?” She says.

“I got a 92,” I repeat, loud and clear.

Neha laughs out loud with Matthias. “You got a 92?” She looks down towards me.

I turn my head away. “Yep.”

“That’s literally an A, what more do you want?” Matthias puts his hands on his hips.”

“That A is an A-, and a 92 equates to a 3.7 GPA.”

“Like you won’t make that up with another test,” Matthias and Neha say in unison.

“But still-”

“But no.”

“So, what college are you planning to go to?” My father says to my mother, who is next to him.

We’re in the kitchen, eating dinner.

“MIT.” I say without hesitation.

“Too much,” My mother says. “Way too high up there. Why don’t you settle for something simple?”

“Like what, Mommy?” I question.

“The community college down the street.”

Ain’t no way in the infinity of all multiverses am I goin’ there.

“But Mommy,” I groan, “that college is the bottom of the barrel compared to where I need to go. It’s like the last resort of the boondocks.”

“You’ve never even been there,” my father says, “and yet you think you know something.”

“Your father and I both went to community college, and we were perfectly fine,” my mother crosses her arms.

I thought you guys said you hated your jobs and wish you got a better degree at a better college… I thought to myself.

“Well, yeah, but-”

“No buts,” my mother wags her finger. Then she places her hand on me, saying, “high school is a time to make friends, have parties, and do all sorts of hang-outs. You should be focused more on that than colleges and grades.”

To this day, I have yet to follow that rule of hers.

As you can see, my grades are of little concern to my friends and to my parents.

Really, they all tell me to stop worrying about my grades.

I have very strange experiences compared to almost every other straight-A student I've met.

The PG-13 answer? Ass.

My real answer? RAW ASS… If you aren’t yet used to being a straight-A student.

Myths

• Study Time: THIS. Do we work our asses off? Yes? Do we discard our social lives to do it? Fuck no. We procrastinate, we forget and all the other good stuff. Your straight-A student is almost always a student with slightly more talent than their peers. They just work on using that talent as best they can.
• Stress: Sure, I don’t really ever worry about getting a 50% on a test. But I have my own stressers, too. Even an 80% isn’t necessarily going to get me access to Harvard or Yale. Just because I don’t share your worries doesn’t mean that I’m never stressed.

Pros

• Teachers tend to be more lenient with you
• If you’ve reached a strong level of self-confidence, people tend to respect you and your opinions a lot more
• If you’re the “naturally gifted” type, then you’ll have time to focus on other things that interest you e.g. photography
• Conversely, unless your parents are the helicopter type, home life is generally easier

Cons

• It is very easy to get bored or disillusioned, especially if (at the risk of sounding arrogant) there is nobody else on your level. A lack of stimulus is a killer for anyone, even a straight-A student. Additionally, the lack of people who can relate often leads to self-loathing; you have issues, but you feel like crap for complaining when you have it all “figured out”
• Your anxiety levels are often pretty high. Everyone’s putting pressure on you to be the best, even if unintentionally
• There are a lot of people who will only call or contact you if they need something like test answers. This can be really disheartening, especially if you’re a “study-type”; you don’t really get much social interaction outside of school. Extra heartbreaking if you thought that person was a friend
• Especially in highschool, plenty of people will use you as an emotional punching bag. A lot of the time (from what people have told me), it’s usually because they do genuinely feel like crap when they see you ace tests left, right and center while they’re barely staying afloat. In particular, some might rub even the smallest victory they have over you in your face. Why? Because that’s (in their eyes) the only time they can ever feel anything but utterly incompetent next to you

Okay, that was a lot. At any rate, it isn’t all bad. Just know that being a straight-A student isn’t all high scores and trophies :).

It is miserable.

I have a ~97.89 Cumulative GPA right now, and my goal is to raise this to a perfect 98.0 by the time I graduate high school this May. That means that I have to maintain roughly a 98.857 this semester, and as of right now, I am right on that number. I don’t think I will be able to raise my grades anymore, so I am constantly stressing out about my work.

Naturally I am already a perfectionist, but this brings out the destructive side of it. I spend hours and hours doing my work to make sure that I can get a 100 to keep my grades, and I am worn out and exhausted. I never feel the joy of receiving a good grade anymore because I expect myself to do that well. On the flip side, I am completely devastated every time I make anything less than a 95. I am constantly comparing myself to my best friend (she is also my academic competitor). I find myself hating others when they score higher than me and smiling when they do not do as well as me. This is completely awful of me, and I am trying to slowly change, but my academic pressures prevent me from going back to my old, relaxed self.

Don’t get me wrong, being a straight-A student has its advantages. I did not have to worry as much about getting into my desired colleges, and I have stronger relationships with my teachers. If I do manage to slip up somewhere, I am able to cover it up quickly.

But some days, I wish I were just an “average” student. That way, I will be able to enjoy high school by joining sports teams or extracurricular clubs. I’ll be able to watch Netflix and hang out with friends. I will be able to sleep earlier and be healthier, both mentally and physically. If I get a good grade, I will be happy, and if I get a bad grade, I will only be slightly upset.

It’s funny how when I say that I failed an assignment, my friends have to ask me “American fail” or “Asian fail”. We are not trying to be racist or support stereotypes in any way, but I always joke that A’s are “average” for Asians and B’s are “below average” because of our culture’s stress on education and career-success.

I don’t think things will get better for me in college.

Edit: Thank you for everyone’s overwhelming and unexpected support! I did not think that anyone would bothering reading this answer, and it means more to me than you know :) I am typically too self conscious to answer any questions, but I think I will definitely try to answer more from now on. Thank you for inspiring me.

UPDATE: I’ll be starting dental school in Summer 2020—I cannnot believe it’s been so long since I’ve answered this question. I cannot tell if things got better or worse in college, but on most days (most, not definitely not all), I am in a better mental state now.

Double standards have never been truer.

Case Study

Jenny: Have you studied for the test?

Me: Erm yeah.

Jenny: You'll get 100% obviously, what a nerd.

OR

Jenny: Have you studied for the test?

Me: Um no.

Jenny: You'll get 100% obviously, what a nerd.

What do you want me to say then, Jenny?

Or there's the big question…

Mr Fitz: Well done to Loni, 100%! Great work!

Jimmy: What a nerd.

Thomas: Mhm.

Mr Fitz: So Loni, how do you do it? I'm sure the class would love to know.

Class: [Glares at me. I can feel the daggers lodging themselves in my back.]

Mr Fitz : Loni?

Me: [Whispers] Um I don't know.

Mr Fitz: Sorry?

Me: [Ends up shouting] I DON'T KNOW! YOU'RE THE FLIPPING TEACHER WHY DON'T YOU TEACH EVERYONE HOW TO LEARN AND BE A GOOD STUDENT!

Class: [Whispers] There goes her consequence-free record. Her mum will probably kill her.

I wish teachers wouldn't put students in such awkward, difficult positions because it's hard enough being a student otherwise and dealing with peer pressure without your teacher entering too.

•Thanks•

•Loni Arrow•

Sometimes I wish I wasn't one.

Scenario 1: (Let's say I'm helping someone with something.)

• Me: [explains how to get to the answer in detail and talks through the methods]
• Them: Just tell me the answer!
• Me, internally: No, I can't. Because if I did that, then when it comes to an exam where I won't be there giving you the answers, you won't know the methods and you won't be able to get the answers right.
• Me, externally: Uhh, let me just explain it again.

I hate being treated like a robot, being expected by my peers to do what they want me to or being treated like some gushing fountain of knowledge anyone can tap into as they please.

Scenario 2: (I get a test back; I missed a few more marks than usual.)

• Person: What did you get?
• Me: Oh, 92.
• Person: Oh my god, are you serious?? I can't believe I got 95; I got higher than Millie!! Everyone, I got higher than Millie!!

I hate being treated like some kind of unbeatable goal. It's not that I don't want to be a source of motivation for people, but it's when people take advantage of me and use me as a comparison for themselves that I feel crushed by the pressure to be on top.

Scenario 3:

• Them: Did you revise?
• Me: Oh no, not really, I just read over my notes.
• Them: Well, you're going to get a stupidly high score anyway. Not everyone has it as easy as you.

or alternatively…

• Them: Did you revise?
• Me: Yeah, I spent all weekend making flashcards and notes.
• Them: Nerd.

I hate having no in between. I either have to be the easy-going, laid-back natural genius who everyone hates because I didn't have to work to get to where I am, or the nerd who's seen as anti-social and boring because they work too hard.

Scenario 4:

• Them: How are you so smart?
• Me, internally: Because I work my hardest all the time and value my education freely combined with a little bit of natural talent which I am very fortunate to have been blessed with?
• Me, externally: *awkward laugh* Oh, I don't know.

I hate having to be questioned for my intelligence, like there must be some secret to me. I'm not suggesting that people who struggle to get high grades are not hard workers, but in my experience those who most often ask me this question are those who find school a joke and take nothing seriously, who are frequently late for lessons and do not complete homework. These kinds of people make me upset that they are the ones getting free education while millions of poorer people across the earth do not have that privilege.

Scenario 5:

• Them: What answer did you get?
• Me: I solved x to be 3.5.
• Them: Oh, well it must be right.

I hate it when people presume that I am definitely, undoubtedly always right. I do not want to be at fault if they copy my answer and I'm wrong in the end. I'm human. I make mistakes.

Scenario 6: (Going into an exam.)

• Me: Oh god, I'm so nervous.
• Them: You're nervous? How do you think I feel? You have no right to be nervous.

I hate being treated like some all-knowing, inhuman, examination-thrashing machine who apparently has no reason to be a little nervous about something that could impact the rest of my life. We all have bad days. Maybe today could be mine.

There's one final point I want to make, and it concerns contentment.

Imagine you're on a steady B for a while. You're happy with it- it's not the best, but it's okay. And at least you have something to strive to. That A will always be there for the taking, and when you finally snatch it it makes you undeniably, totally thrilled.

And then you get another.

Go you! Congrats.

And then another.

Wow, guess you're really smart after all.

And another.

No surprise.

And another.

We get it, you're smart. No need to show off.

But where do you go now? You're at the top. The only way you can go is down, and that doesn't seem too appealing.

The top starts to get boring.

Don't be mistaken, you're grateful. But you have nowhere to go. Your grade may well go up, but you're still at the top. It's as if you were on the top of a mountain, and the mountain was growing. You're getting higher, but you never leave the top.

Sometimes you want to climb down a bit, chat with some friends and help them up. But you don't remember what it's like to be on the steep slopes, gasping for breath and longing to look down from above. And it scares you. Plus, people are still watching you on the top of the mountain, and if you climbed down, you'd let them down. So you sit. Stay. You're not happy, as such; you'd like some change. But the only option you have is negative. So you don't do anything. Just sit, and sweat under the sun you once basked in.

It's not all people make it out to be.

Edit [26/9/18]:

I'm climbing new mountains.

Music and songwriting has become a large part of my life (I still get the comments of oh my god why are you so good at everything you do whenever I show my friends my work, but I accept them as compliments now, despite their wrongness). I love to embrace my more artistic sides, and push myself to create despite my inexperience in the field.

I'm taking the time now to work on myself as a person, and I'm climbing the mountain of self-acceptance and self-love. And let me tell you, it's a steep, treacherous journey, the hardest I've ever embarked on, and I know I'm not reaching that peak anytime soon, but baby steps. It's a daily effort, and I'm working on it.

Rather than focusing on the 6 out of 42 I got wrong (taken from a geography exam I did the other day), I like to focus on the 88%, the grade 8 (equivalent to an old A*). And so what if people pass around my test, eager to figure out the secrets to my success? They won't, because there aren't any, but let them try. I don't like to dwell on it anymore (apart from the fact that my English teacher informed me that she would resign if I didn't get two grade 9's (an old A**) in my English exams- no pressure!).

Yes, my intelligence is a part of me, and for those who don't know me personally, it tends to stand out, my reputation preceding me. However, it's not the part of me that matters. What matters is (call me vain) my loyalty to my friends, my courage, my sense of justice or my kindness. Some might even say I veer on funny. I pity those who only know me because of my A's, because quite frankly they're missing out on the better parts of me (can you tell I've reached the first peak of Mt. Self-Love?).

Getting sunburnt on the peak of what I thought was my only mountain was incredibly boring and discouraging, so I left a little part of me there, maybe a note to say “hold my place!”, and went globetrotting. Exploring new mountains is very humbling, and one of the most important things I've learned is that I don't have to reach the peak of every mountain I visit. Sometimes it's nice to just see the sights, learn a thing or two and take a few pictures to remember it.

I hope my readers, who've supported me and this answer through the year, can have a little holiday in the mountains too. Trust me, there's no rush, and you don't have to be the first to the top. Discover new things along the way.

Thank you for reading.

I am sitting in the library, engrossed in books, when a whiff of perfume engulfs me as the prettiest girl in the class walks towards me.

“Hey Rohan, I have been looking all over for you,” she says.

“Huh, really?” I ask, surprised.

“Yes, I was wondering if you could help me out with this math problem? I am so not prepared for the exam tomorrow,” she says, blinking her eyes cutely.

“Of course, I’ll help,” I say smiling, and help her out with the problem.

“Thanks so much, Rohan,” she says with her cute smile, and I get a whiff of the perfume again as she leaves.

I am on cloud nine the entire day. I spot her again a couple of days later, but she completely ignores me this time.

A month passes by, and there is another exam around the corner.

“Hey Rohan, I have been looking all over for you,” comes the sugary sweet voice with the familiar whiff of perfume again.

I sigh, but help her out with her queries once again anyway.

The sad truth about straight-A students is that everyone, literally everyone, only notices and remembers them during exams.

It was the examination weeks. Everyone was hurry in that nice morning to get “the best seat”. The exam started at 8 am, they came at 7 am. What a rare phenomenon in daily lecture.

They got their seats and waited for the exam time.

Still 30 minutes before the exam. Some students came, they were shocked by the fact that there was no best seat left for them. With their depressed face those students got the front row.

5 minutes before the exam time. Someone was entering the classroom. As she stepped in, everyone started shouting to her, “have this seat”, “please sit next to me”, “I got the seat for you”, “here your seat”. Everyone wanted to sit close to her.

Yes, she is straight-A student. She is the center of the answers. Holy straight-A student.

P.S. : she is not me. Haha.

It is one of the worst things on this goodness-forsaken planet.

Last year, I graduated as the valedictorian of my high school. On my final transcript, there wasn’t anything lower than an A from kindergarten through my senior year. Everyone knew me as the smart kid, and if there was ever a problem that couldn’t be solved, people would immediately say, “Ask Jesse.”

Honestly, it’s great to feel smart and be recognized for it (not to say that you have to have all A’s to be smart or vice versa), but it’s also nervewracking to have to hold up to that expectation. I’m a human being, and I’m not perfect. The expectation for me to be perfect is ridiculous, and it didn’t help that the person who held that expectation highest was myself.

During my first semester in college, I took a variety of different courses, one of which was General Chemistry I. Considering the fact that I had been doing Chemistry for the past three years (and was a teachers’ aide during my senior year and largely did lab work), one would expect me to easily get an A, right?

I could have, but I didn’t. Rather, I stopped caring about the class halfway through the semester and stopped paying any attention whatsoever. It was stressful, and I was sick of it. I knew most of the content; I just didn’t want to bother. So, I winged every test and hoped for the best. I ended up getting an A in the lab and a C+ in the class.

That C+ was one of the greatest reliefs of my life. I could have easily aced that class, but doing so would have done nothing but kept the chains of anxiety and high expectations latched to me. I was finally free. I finally didn’t have to be the smartest person in the room or in the school. Whether or not I wanted to be, I didn’t have to be perfect.

If you’re a student or a parent with a student, please don’t pressure yourself or your child to have all A’s. The recognition is nice and the scholarships are incredible, but it’s absolutely hellish. Do your best and don’t let anyone stop you, but don’t kill yourself to get there.

It’s boring.

You start feeling like Lisa Simpson. Lack of challenge starts to settle and some teachers will become indulgent with you, giving you free passes. I felt like I could almost play videogames during class.

Once, I missed an exam and my chemistry teacher still gave me a perfect score.

—My dear, I already know you know this stuff. Don’t worry.

SPOILER: I missed the exam…because I didn't know.

In my PhD program, if you get less than an A- in a class, it doesn't count towards your course requirements. So being a straight A student is pretty critical, because otherwise you have to take extra classes, which is a pain in the butt. However, the expectation is that getting an A should be trivial for a good PhD student, and you should put very little effort into your classes so you can focus all your attention on research.

I’ve always gotten As in my classes (at least at Stanford), but several of my classes were serious time commitments. So what does it feel like? It feels like being a normal PhD student, but one who spends way too much time on coursework.

“What score did you get?”

My friend, Bob, holds his test paper with a huge smile in his face, as he tries to get a glimpse on mine.

“I bet it’s 90, isn’t it? Or 100 - it’s 100, obviously! I got a 90, but of course yours would be higher! Can I see your score?”

I glanced at my paper, showing the marks that I got for this particular test. 82. Oof. “It’s… it’s a secret, man,” I said, folding the paper.

“Bet it’s a 100, anyway. Oh, can I see the answer to Question 3 on your Humanities assignment?”

Well, I technically wouldn’t be a straight-A student if I sometimes think “fuck it” and do bad on a test. But occasionally I would get perfect grades and academic achievement awards that most of my peers think I’m some sort of freak who studies until 3AM. (When in reality, the most I study is 30 minutes a day. You see, I suffer from this fatal disease known as chronic procrastination.)

But the worst thing about being a “straight-A student” is the expectations. Once you get a 100, people keep expecting you to get 100s. If you get anything remotely below that, they’ll frown for a second, then grin - “hey, I got a higher score than you! EVERYONE, I GOT A HIGHER SCORE THAN -”

Another thing is the pride. Getting the usual good grades boosts my ego - getting low grades explodes it to a million pieces. I don’t know if it’s just me, but losing the annual academic achievement award to someone who I know is academically superior to me hurts my pride.

And last but DEFINITELY not least!

Anxiety.

“Oh gosh I bet I failed that test!” and “I haven’t studied enough for this subject - what if the teacher calls my name and expects me to know the answer!?”

Nuff said.

I had a 4.0 GPA in high school and in both my BSE and MS in mechanical engineering degrees.

Short answer:

Empowering, stressful, and rewarding.

Long answer:

Good:

My favorite part is being well-respected by my peers and more doors opening up for awesome opportunities (internships, scholarships, school applications, etc.)

Once you become a straight-A student, it is much easier to remain one for two reasons:

1. You will most likely have a better understanding of the material than your peers so it is easier to pick up a subject and become more advanced.
2. Your cycle of learning, retaining, and applying information is at a higher rate.

I found myself working less than my classmates but performing much better on problem sets, projects, and exams.

I believe most people can become a straight-A student over time if they put in the time and focus. You will improve your rate of learning, retaining, and applying information.

When you receive your grades at the end of the quarter, it makes you feel good and confident about yourself.

Bad:

• You put a lot of pressure on yourself. Getting below the average on an exam is the worse feeling in the world. This is, of course, irrational but you set a high bar for yourself that can often be unreasonable. This happened to me twice during my undergraduate school. I was really down on myself for a few days and let it affect me too much.
• You have to be cognizant that some of the things that you say will come off as boastful — such as talking about how easy a test was, scholarships received, awards, school acceptance letters, job offers, exam scores, etc. Many people bring these things up, but if you do, it can easily be seen as bragging. I learned to only bring these things up if people ask — unless it is close friends.
• Living up to expectations. Employers, project groups, family, etc. know you have great grades so they expect you to excel in everything. You don’t get a perfect score or make a mistake, “I thought you were super smart, man?”
• “You got accepted to X company?! Tell me the secrets and how to write a really good resume” People magically assume that you know some kind of secret trick that no one else knows, so you often get asked to help with resumes, applications, and such.

When I was in grade school, my mother would go talk to my teachers and tell them not to give me A’s. She was afraid I would not learn to be persistent in my learning. She knew I was already a bossy little kid, and didn’t want me to be a braggart. She finally fessed up to this in my senior year of high school, and I really resented her for this. My junior high teachers told her they would not play that game, and starting in 8th grade I was making straight A’s.

I always asked a lot of questions. I was truly curious about the world. I was kept humble by the fact that I never could quite memorize my basic arithmetic facts, but my teachers quickly saw I could do “Math” even with a calculation deficit. In those days before calculators, I learned in 9th grade to estimate with logarithms and get answers that were pretty close.

I asked my mom if I could go to band camp for three summers in a row, and she told me I wasn’t good enough to go. I asked to go to an AT&T sponsored summer scholar’s camp, and she told me I would not have a good time, “because you are too competitive, and you would be there with all of those kids who are really smart, and you would not have a good time.”

When I brought home my report cards in high school, she asked me if I couldn’t please get a B once in a while so my report card would be interesting to look at. I never really understood what that was about.

With all of this mixed message from home, I became basically a 93–94% “A” person, but that was enough to be the valedictorian in a large high school with a 4.0 GPA. I had the grades, but not the high anxiety described by others, because my motivation for grades came from within myself.

In undergraduate college I earned a 3.75 GPA, and I did not curl up and die like I thought I might. Post graduation classes I stayed with my 3.75% - sometimes due to illness, sometimes due to subject matter.

When I finally got to Vanderbilt University to do post-masters level work, then the FUN part of school started. There were so many folks who were truly brilliant there, and I got to hang out with them! All of my professors were well-published people, who did not look down their noses at me. I was very ill during my first semester there, so I earned my only 89% “B” in one class, and that freed me from the straight-A curse, and I simply enjoyed being pushed by my peers to be my best. Lunches out with peers, and late night study sessions were really the bomb!

I found out that it is much better to have someone to look up to, but who treats you with respect than to worry about who’s on top. I found myself without needing to finish my PhD, because after having one administrative job, I am happier as a teacher than a school administrator anyhow (my doctorate program was in school leadership). I am very happy teaching high school math (letting my calculation-deficit kids use a calculator any time they want to).

Straight A’s are great as long as they lead to happiness, but not otherwise.

Roll number 22. Akshaya Baskar, Rank 1 (oh sometimes Rank 2) That sucks.

Preparation scenario:

I take a random page and stare at it before exams. From my childhood I had an habit not to revise 1 hour before exams. But as because teacher would scold me if I speak, I keep a random page opened before exams.

Some random girl in my class (with who I hadn’t even said Hi) comes near and says “Hey akshaya show me which question you read, If you are reading then definitely that would come, oh this question uh thank god I read it” and runs. And astonishingly that question comes in exam.

Exam scenario:

Classmates don’t search their seating arrangement first, they search mine and then connect it to their place.

They calculate how long would it take for the answer to pass various persons in between and reach them from my bench.

If I say I don’t know answer for a particular question,that’s it world war begins. Everybody starts scolding me that am showing off by not disclosing answers.

Correction scenario:

Teacher searches roll 22 (my paper first). She checks 2 pages, after which she closes her eyes and awards mark for the rest of the pages. Result 95+/100 .

Before I could react, friends come near my bench, gets answer paper from me, goes to their bench, forms a gang, compares it with their answers, goes to teacher and reduces 3–5 marks in my paper.

Home Scenario:

Brother: Don’t you have common sense at all see how have you mugged up and got full marks. Learn to be average but intelligent student like me.

Mother: 98? just 98? only 98? who got first mark? why did the other person get 1 mark excess of you? 2 mark is also important right. For our caste we don’t get seats in college even when we take full marks. Learn well from next time.

Father: 98 uh? Ma I had got only in single digits in my school. This is so good. Where you need sign? Fine, if it is difficult for you to get from me every time, you put my sign from next exams on wards by your own.

PS: Even though teacher herself awards 95+ marks, she makes me stand for 1 hour and lectures how to score cent percent. Not everyone could be satisfied. Something above is required every time.

I honestly hate it.

1. People say my parents bribed the school to give me all A’s

My parents work for big tech firms and people say that my parents bribed the school which isn’t fair at all. I work as hard as everyone else and it's my fault.

One kid goes “I bet you got the extra 10 credits because your parents bribed the teacher.” NO, it’s because I did the bonus question and got it right.

2. People try to copy the homework THAT I DID BY MYSELF

Why should I let you copy me if you were too lazy to do it?

3. People think I’m a genius and always make fun of me and call me a nerd.

I honestly don’t study super hard but I do have a tutor for all my subjects just for extra help. I’m trying to get a scholarship even though my parents will cover all my costs I want something to prove that I worked hard. One of my teachers does this SUPER EMBARRASSING things where she goes 3 claps for whoever got a hundred.

So one day she goes “3 claps for May.”

Everyone claps and then the kid at the back who literally hates my guts goes “Of course she got a 100 she is the biggest nerd.”

Like it’s all funny the first time but he says it every time. No one thinks its funny anymore so stop.

Anyways that was my rant.

All my love,

-May 💕

If you want a completely honest answer, it's bittersweet to me. This semester I got a 4.7 weighted GPA, or 4.0 unweighted GPA.

This semester I put in an incredible amount of my time and effort to get these grades. I can tell you it really wasn't worth it. Yes, it's nice to have straights A’s, but all my so-called friends just use me now and have been for four years. They know I do well on tests so they only come to me to pry out answers. I have never had a genuine conversation with a friend anymore; all they want is something from me. It's kind of degrading.

• It gives me the sense that my achievements serve no merit. Aside from the social degradation, I feel as though I am ‘only’ getting A’s. I feel like I am only doing the bare minimum. I should be doing more somehow but I physically cannot. I do have some sense of achievement at the end of the semester but not a lot anymore.

I sound so negative. Sorry. I like seeing that I have gotten straight A’s but sometimes the aftermath isn't as rewarding.