My ex-father-in-law told me I was breastfeeding my baby “wrong” and mansplained to me how to do it the “right way.”

My ex-father-in-law was the most arrogant know-it-all I have ever met. There was never any subject you could discuss within earshot of him where he wouldn’t interrupt the conversation to tell you how he wrote the book on that topic. Of course, 99% of the time he was talking out of his ass. It drove me crazy.

Anyway, when my daughter was about six months old we were at my in-laws’ house. After we had finished eating dinner, my daughter became hungry and I excused myself to go nurse her.

Everyone was sitting at the dinner table and I took my daughter to a corner of the living room and began feeding her.

After a few minutes, my ex-father-in-law walked into the living room and sat down at his computer. I was a little uncomfortable, but whatever. I covered myself a little better with my daughter’s baby blanket.

Then my ex-father-in-law said, “You do know you’re doing that wrong, don’t you?”

I was confused. “Doing what wrong?”

“Breastfeeding,” he said.

I had no idea what the hell to say to that. I have been told many times that my face gives away everything I’m thinking, so I’m pretty sure he was getting a disgusted “you’ve got to be f’in kidding me” look.

He took that as a cue to mansplain to me how to breastfeed my infant daughter. You know, because he had breastfed so many babies! He picked up a pillow off the couch for demonstration purposes and said, “See, you’re holding her like this, but she should be like this, with her head this way! That’s how she can get more milk.”

I was just stunned.

“Thanks, Bob, but we’re doing just fine the way we are.”

I stood up and carried my daughter into another room to finish feeding her meal in peace.

I have had a lot of instances of mansplaining professionally, but somehow, none of them can top an ignorant old man whose children weren’t even breastfed telling me I didn’t know how to nurse my baby.