I almost died to pee.

I was a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne Division.

So when you suit up for a jump, you put on all your equipment, including a parachute harness, and you sit there for hours and hours, waiting to board the plane. If you take off your equipment, you have to put it all back on, and then have a Jumpmaster inspect you. Not easily done.

This is what one looks like with all their equipment:

This is all of us sitting and waiting:

So after drinking canteen after canteen of water, because it was hot, and we were sitting in the hot sun with 150lbs of equipment on us, I start to really have to go. But then we are called to board the aircraft. I waddle out to the aircraft with the rest of the guys and we board the plane.

Sitting there while the airplane drones on, it starts to become very painful, and burn. I fear I must have injured something.

Finally, we stand up and hook up and the doors open. YES! Relief is just minutes away. The red light stays on, and the plane speeds up. SHIT! The winds at ground level are too high. We come back around the drop zone.

I'm so excited, "I get to pee!" The Jumpmaster tells the number one jumper to stand in the door. Its going to happen! The Jumpmaster yells, "GO!" and the paratroopers start to exit the plane. They're going a little too slow. If we don't all get out before the end of the drop zone the red light will come on, and we'll be stuck in the plane as it goes around.

The pain in my bladder is excruciating. I follow the stick of paratroopers as we get closer and closer to the door. All of a sudden the red light comes on. We are near the end of the drop zone, or a plane, helicopter or building is under us, the guy in front of me is already to close to the door to stop. All I can think is "Get out. Get out." The Jumpmaster stands in my way with his hands up, Red light! Red light!. In a quick millisecond, I decide I'm going. It's dark, he won't be able to tell who I am, and I can just say my momentum carried me out. So I flung my static line at the Jumpmaster, and I stepped out the door.

Instead of counting, "One thousand, two thousand," I'm saying, "Get to the ground, get to the ground." The parachute opens. There are two leg straps around my groin. The opening shock tightens these straps, and my bladder erupts like a geyser all over my legs, my equipment, and there's nothing I can do but swing in the breeze.

Luckily, we were just approaching the edge of the drop zone, and I landed just inside the far edge of the drop zone.

Thankfully urine was mostly water and didn't smell too bad, but I could have peed my pants far earlier and suffered less, as well as not almost kill myself to take a leak. I still remember the pain and anxiety to this day.