There are many, and it's hard to really list them because it is extremely difficult to predict or understand how a person with a severe disorder is going to perceive things, but here are a few:

• Intimacy
• Abandonment
• Rejection
• Getting too close
• Pulling away
• Questioning them
• Not questioning them
• Showing concern
• Not showing concern
• Controlling them
• Not controlling them
• Not being supportive enough
• Being too supportive
• Needing them
• Not needing them
• Patronizing them
• Manipulating them
• Lying to them
• Hating them

These are just a few and it's important to remember that it's the disordered person's perception that dictates these things, not reality. In other words, these things don't have to actually be happening in order for a disordered person to believe they are happening. Their perception is very skewed and it is extremely common for them to believe they are being mistreated and abused when they are not.

Being mistreated is a preoccupation (some say obsession) for people with BPD and other cluster b personality disorders; they tend to project it on to the people around them, claiming (and believing) that others are horribly abusing them even when this is provably false. This seems to happen not just because there is a tremendous need to see/identify oneself as a victim, but because a lack of empathy + other deficits cause them to misidentify normal things as harmful.

People with BPD and other cluster b personality disorders tend to believe they are very good at reading others and seeing their secret emotions and secret motivations. The reality is, this is just a projection of their own fear; many of them don't seem to be able to read people at all. This does not dissuade them from believing that they can, though, and it causes massive difficulties in their relationships because they are constantly reading things into (and projecting things onto) situations and relationships and people that are not really there.

There is no way to prove to them that this is not true and no way to stop the punishments they inflict on people they believe have betrayed and harmed them. When people protest that it's not true, they are called liars. When they try to demonstrate that it's not true, they are accused of manipulation. There is no way out of this.

You may in fact have seen people suffering from cluster B personality disorders like BPD freely admit this. Many have no problem at all admitting actions they have taken against people they believe have wronged them. There never seems to be any question for them at all whether this is justified, regardless of the fact that they are aware they have a serious mental health problem that affects their perception and judgment enormously.

Eventually, people get tired of trying to prove their love to someone who will never believe it. They get tired of being constantly accused of being abusive + uncaring when they've done everything possible. Most of all, they get tired of being ruthlessly, relentlessly punished for things they didn't do, things they didn't say, thoughts they don't have, feelings they don't feel, and motives that aren't real.

They exit the relationship, and the person with BPD or other cluster b personality disorder eventually comes to believe that they have been validated, that this proves they were right about the person all along. Then they move on to another relationship or situation where they do the same all over again. It's a very sad thing.

**It's important to note that “relationship” here can mean anything, from family to friendships to spouses to people who are just acquaintances.

👉 For more, visit The Little Shaman on YouTube The Little Shaman: On Narcissists or wherever you fins your favorite podcasts and The Little Shaman Narcissistic Abuse Recovery for free tools or to book a consultation.