I can tell you what my ex wife said. We reconciled briefly 11 years after getting divorced. Here's what she said.

“If I had known how much things changed out there with age. How thin the playing field is. I would've stuck it out with you. I was under the delusion that it was going to be the same as before I met you at 23 years old. All that was out there at 30 was other divorced people. Child custody and people have big problems with their exes. We had our problems. That's for sure. If I had known I would've stuck it out “

My experience was about the same. I never liked dating younger people.

We ran into each other at a summer pool party after 11 years. I had run into her numerous times before. At weddings, funerals, social events. Every one of those times one or both of us were with other people. So We left it alone.

This time both of us weren't dating anyone or healing up from a break up.

We were swimming together and having fun. I had known for awhile that I still loved her as deeply as the day I married her. I was ok with not being with her. All the hurt and anger of the past was gone. Only the love remained.

I had no idea it was the same for her.

We ate together at the barbeque. Had more fun. So I asked her out. A date! Wow was I nervous.

We were together for four months. We had some really long talks. Good talks. No anger or tension or jealousy. Lots of laughter actually. Some of it was about the disastrous relationships we had gotten into during those 11 years apart. Some good stuff.

What broke us up again was our goals had changed drastically. I still wanted kids. She definitely didn't

We didn't get married again. The second time we ended us was better. No long dragged out bitter acrimonious divorce. Accusations resentment, rage, blaming.

She was crying. I reminded her, “ You know I love you. I'll always love you. Don't you see what's happening here? We're doing what's best for each other. It's hurting me too. I had higher hopes. I won't be too far away. If you need anything I'll be nearby. “

So regret? Yeah. Lots of regret. We were both immature hotheads with the wrong idea 11′years earlier. We mishandled it like crazy. Regret at wasted time. Regret at hurting our families. Both of us.

I'm glad I had that time with her. I was always glad to run into her. Everybody could tell we loved each other. They couldn't understand why we just didn't stay together. We knew why and were good with it.

It's been a long time. She passed away last year.

Sometimes when I'm driving around or doing something by myself? The thought pops into my mind of what a strange feeling it is to be on the Earth without her here.

I've loved other people. Had good relationships. Never loved anyone as totally as I loved her. Maybe things will be better on the other side.