I am an only child. I passionately didn’t want a sibling. I was fully aware at a very young age, what a supreme position I held as the one and only spoiled ‘Princess’ as I was called. Life was never lonely, if I was ever alone I cherished my space and loved my bedroom, a well decorated room full of lovely things and top quality clothes. Also, from a very young age, I was fully aware that I was privileged in every respect. We had the biggest garden in the neighbourhood with an open door policy. All the local children played in my garden. I had lots of cousins and my parents liked entertaining, I attended lots of varied active and music clubs. On Sundays my Dad took all the neighbourhood children to the park, with my Westhighland terrier dog, where we played ball games, at night my Dad played games like badminton with me in the garden - he was my Best Friend. I have life long friends, aswell as networks of friends and connections from over a lifetime. I wanted myself to have an only child of my own although I have two children.

Overall, being an only child was hugely advantageous to me the way I saw it. However, to give a balanced view I will reflect with a wider viewpoint:

1. Only children can be over sensitive to criticism and I was no exception to this. Confrontation didn’t happen at home so I thought confrontation meant people didn’t like me.
2. People can have a tendency to give a sweeping statement that ‘only children are spoit’. I was spoiled on Birthdays and Christmas but in between I was very rarely spoiled with money. I wouldn’t have dreamed of demanding what I wanted. I was spoiled with opportunities via clubs but further than that being a ‘spoilt only child’ was far from reality. I didn’t step out of line and I was very thoughtful towards other people.
3. Only children are successful survivors because they only have themselves to look out for them.
4. I had surrogate siblings in a few close friends and 2 cousins - which are my life long friends and I’m close to their children. My eldest cousin joined the navy and I focused on her movements, career progression and loved her visits and navy songs. One of my friends was 3 years younger, she copied me with Everything, had all my hand me downs, and still values my opinion - she has become my closest friend.
5. I was impatient because there was no pecking order.
6. I valued everything I had. Everything materialistic was like a jewel which had it’s own special place in my room (so when other children didn’t respect my things I ensured they were not invited round again)! I never shared clothes with anyone. I felt like I lived in wonderland and I was very happy. I knew I was lucky - when I delivered Christmas presents to young children whose parents were in prison I was very shocked and upset that some children came to the front door, in the freezing cold, in their underwear. I remember saying to my mum ‘Why do they let their children come to the door without a dressing gown on?’ My mother replied ‘Perhaps they don’t have one’. It stuck in my mind and I thought that if ever I was rich I would buy every child a dressing gown for the winter.
7. I’m seen as strong and my friends turn to me when their life turns upside down. Decision makers listen to me.
8. My mother had 5 babies but apart from me they all died at 8 months pregnant. Consequently my mother was ridiculously over protective of me. This obsession turned into rigid control so I have never felt close to her, our relationship has always been strained and distant. I look after her out of duty as I’m the only one but it has always been a very difficult connection especially as she is Bipolar. If I had a sibling, who I was close to in adulthood it would have taken off me a massive amount of pressure emotionally in dealing with my mother. I have found though that however many siblings there is always only one main one to take on the caring duties of a parent.
9. The loss of my Dad 5 years ago has left me feeling lonely for the first time in my life. Also life surviving my mother without my Dad has been totally the nightmare I expected it to be - often overwhelming.
10. When my Dad died the paperwork procedure was straight forward as their was no sibling rivalry of how the process should be managed.
11. Most people I know don’t appear to be close to their sibling. The ones that are close seem to be very close emotionally.
12. I chose to have a second child just to give my ultra spoilt daughter everything. Also in hope that they would be an emotional support to each other if I ever ended up as challenging as my own mother.
13. I never put pressure on my children to love each other. I always said ‘You don’t have to love each other but don’t hate each other otherwise there was no point in me having another child’. There is a 3 year gap, there was hardly any rivalry, and they are inseparable heading into adulthood. I can’t imagine loving a sibling like they love each other.
14. I have a solid expansive support network if I need help or emotional support.
15. If I’m having a bad time I tend to hide rather than poor out my woes.
16. When I had my one only child I decided I had everything until I visited a friend’s house, they had an only daughter. On the wall there was a massive frame Full of photos of their daughter. I didn’t like this at all, it felt insuler, limited and too focused on her alone. It would have felt better to me if she was holding a pet or was photographed with other people. This display strangely hit me and really made me think and that display of photos of that only child influenced me to have a second child. I saw it as pressure on the child for everything to come from that one child.
17. I know a lot of people from all walks of life and there are definitely pros and cons of being an only child or a child with a sibling.
18. Both my parents desperately wanted 4 children and I felt all my life that I wasn’t enough, especially as my mother used to say ‘If only one of them had lived’.
19. When we moved out of the area, when I was aged 12, and my parents marriage started to break down, I was scared and felt alone in my bedroom listening to the rows.
20. Jealousy of others being seen as the privileged only child, while trying to decifer my parents divorce, was difficult for me to accept.
21. People who come from a family with a number of siblings can often struggle with loneliness more than an only child - who enjoys their own space.
22. I had a friend, who had a brother. She was a totally spoiled brat and her behaviour was arrogant, selfish and dislikeable (much like only children are often portrayed).
23. In adulthood there is definitely often a lot of pressure on an only child relative to caring for parents. I was Carer to my Dad, who lived with dementia for three years, aswell as working and being a parent myself.
24. Parents of only children feel that the child should attend lots of clubs to compensate for the lack of siblings - this is a big mistake. It makes for a constantly fast pace of life which is very unhealthy. There is no time to reflect, get bored, be creative, appreciate people. I was aged 35 before I struggled to teach myself how to be calm, quiet and relax. I ensured my own children didn’t have this extreme pace childhood. A child invited home for tea is far more valuable than attending endless clubs. Friend home for tea is fun, exciting, educational, creative, there’s forward planning and above all bonding. I attended 5 different clubs, I can’t renember a single child from any of the clubs, I don’t remember hardly anything about the time I spent at the clubs - it was just a mass fill up of valuable time. Clubs are great for learning networking skills, competitiveness and social skills to a certain extent but more than two clubs is an overkill and very little advantage to the child apart from giving them exhaustion and less energy and interest in school. Less is MORE with number of clubs for children. When a child says ‘Everyone is doing this’ that is just a habit/control/persuasive tactic and Rarely actually true!