We recently celebrated our 30th anniversary. Here’s what works for us:

1. Do nice things for each other - something little every day.
2. Notice when your partner does something nice for you. Thank them. Especially if it's a chore he did without being asked.
3. Accept them the way they are today. No improvements, no makeovers, no suggestions.
4. Keep sex fun. This is hard when you have young kids, but at least keep a lifeline going knowing that you will recapture the fun in a few years. Once sex stops, it's very hard to restart it.
5. Shower together. It adds intimacy and gives you alone time to talk. We are primates and grooming satisfies something primal.
6. Don't fight. Hateful angry words leave scars, and make it easier to be hurtful the next time you disagree. We often disagree, but have a pact never to fight. If the disagreement gets emotional, we go to different rooms until we cool off and can compromise.
7. Encourage your partner to have other friends and go out with his friends. I can't meet every need, nor do I want to.
8. Don't quit.

We still have a lot of fun, and we are best friends. Soul mates are made, not found. Hard times weathered, arguments resolved, and finding playfulness together over time makes a true soul mate.