I’m going to give you an honest answer from the reality of your side. I would strongly advice against trying to reestablish anything with a therapist that has terminated you due to transference or countertransference and here is why:

1. Far more clients who are terminated have more and/or more sincere unconditional positive regard for there therapists than there therapists’ have for them. This is not because you don’t deserve it, rather it is because very few people are actually capable of the unconditional love therapists are trained to help you feel. If you have any Christian roots you can see how some therapists may be practicing a form of blasphemy. I’ll not go into too much detail on that here, feel free to reach out to me if you want me to explain that.

2. That relationship is artificial to the therapist and they are expected to keep it that way, while somehow maintaining a facade of unconditional positive regard. It is important to know this and understand this. Often the positive you feel from them is actually aspects of you they are reflecting back. Thus, what you think you like about them is not them at all, rather it is a reflection of you coming from a person who has been trained to be a human mirror.

3. The idea that we can work all things out through open honest communication is something that many therapists are really not that good at. The are much better at being reflective listeners, mirrors, and and even guidance counselors, but when they come into the equation they suddenly don’t know how to talk/”work through it” anymore.

4. Somehow the common perception among them, and too many others -including law enforcement- is that therapists somehow own the rights to the term ethical. And truthfully and sadly they can and many will use it unethically against you. In other words, if you try to reestablish or seek some sort of resolution with your ex-therapist and they don’t want that, they can, will, and often do, handle it in ways that are can hurt you a lot, can be very harmful to you, and are often far from anything that is honest or ethical. For example many naive, vulnerable and trusting clients with no ill intent have been threatened with legal/criminal action for simply trying to talk to there previous therapist. It’s a sad harsh reality that can crush tender, vulnerable hearts and you don’t need that. Nobody does.

Sadly, it’s better to move on if you can. Trust that it’s not you. A therapist that has kept you for nine years and then ends by terminating instead of phasing you out, might not be such a great therapist. Or they may be facing some difficult life challenges that are overwhelming them and it would be good to be sensitive to that by giving them the space they need. Or they may just be a jerk, which you really don’t need in your life anyway.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Therapists often don’t understand the power, influence, or significance they are to their clients. For you it is a loss and it can be a very difficult loss. You will have to go through a grieving process that few understand. But you are not alone. And in fact, you are in good company. My suggestion is to find a new therapist but this time go into that relationship with a better understanding of the realities and limitations of the therapeutic alliance and what that working relationship really is. Know your reasons for going and your goals and be sure to utilize your therapist as the tool they are.

Good luck and God bless.