It was 1986, I worked at a full service station (we pumped your gas) around the corner from my house. And, while one would think that gas stations are ho-hum boring, let me tell you - they are not.

You get every nut in the neighborhood. And, some from out of town.

They all think that you either own the place - or don’t care if they steal. They think that you’re their friend, and will stand there for hours just to bullshit and pass time. They think . . . hell, I don’t know what they think.

But . . . more to the point - we had a customer who came in about once a week to fill up her 1974(?) Mercury Comet, and buy a pack of cigarettes - which was all we sold - gas and smokes. (OK - we sold oil too)

Anyway . . . she pulls up and gets out of her car, smiles and says, “Fill ’er up.” And, I complied. And, if you know the Mercury Comet, you know - the gas fill tube is in the middle of the rear panel, just above the bumper. And, the gas cap is a large circular ornamental type deal.

I know the car, you have to hold the pump handle or it falls out.

The woman says, “I’ll need my cigarettes too.” while I’m inserting the nozzle. So I tell her hang on let me get them, and set the handle on the hook - and she says, “You can start pumping, can’t you?” as I was walking into the station, and I said, “No, it will fall out.” - where she replied, “C’mon, I’m in a hurry - let me have it, I’ll hold it.”, and I said “go ahead.” - as we had no rule about customers pumping their own gas.

As I walked back to her with her cigarettes she let the handle go with the pump going - she engaged the “auto lock”. And, I dove for it . . . too late . . .

If you have never seen a gas station pump pump into the open air - let me describe it for you: it is like a fountain - it is like a garden hose without a spray end attached - it pumps an amazing amount of gas in a very short time.

The handle fell out and soaked me from head to toe - literally.

I shut it off, and hung it up - AND!!!! - when I looked back at the woman, she was opening her pack of cigarettes she picked up off the ground and had a lighter in her hand!!!

I started yelling, “Get away from me with that!” - and she started tapping a cigarette out!

Another customer saw the whole thing and jumped out of his car and pushed her away. The whole lot was drenched.

She had no clue. She was yelling at the guy who took her out of harms way - and I ran into the station and shut down the pumps and took the hose from the slop sink in the back room and drenched myself with water - then called the manager to tell him what happened and that I was going to have to go home and shower and change. He said “Lock it up and go.”

So, I spread a bag of kitty litter on the spill. The other customer and I pushed her car out of it, because we were afraid to have her start it in the middle of a fuming gas spill. She paid me, and drove off.

I went home and showered. And, when I came back, the guy was still there! He was guarding the lot so no one started it on fire. He helped me sweep up the kitty litter and shovel it into the containment barrel! What a guy.

I will never forget how cold the fuel was.

Be careful.

I quit after only a month - or got fired - depends who you ask. I said, “I quit.” - and, he said, “You’re fired.”

I didn’t really need that job, I just took it for extra money and it was only about two hundred yards from my front door. It was the only minimum wage job I ever had, and the only one I was ever “fired” from.

But, man - while I was there - there were fights in the lot, accidents at the pumps, nudie girls, and all manner of lunacy, it was crazy. And, right after I left, a guy from the neighborhood robbed the place THREE TIMES IN ONE DAY! AND! I casually knew the guy - he had a job, didn’t use dope, and didn’t drink - he wanted to buy a new car!

After the second time, one of the cops got smart and parked across the street, and got him.