1. Snorrrrring! After a rosy ‘and they lived happily ever after’ it was our first night together. Roses bloomed and faded into the dark dreamy night after which the ZzzzzNoRrrring began. It began as a slow rrrumble that coiled around the room growing by leaps and bounds into a growling snore. Sigh! My challenge: waking up to a grumpy husband who was too sweet to complain that I had been snoring all night.
2. Cooking - I actually know how to burn the water and make leathery over cooked omelets. I discovered this skill on our first breakfast 😋 together. Did he complain? Not a bit. My challenge: I stayed hungry since I threw mine into the bin. I was hopeful though because he was going to make lunch.
3. Setting up house - Well I was going to be busy as I buzzed around opening up the packaging and carefully laying out all the crockery, the curtains , etc. Ah! My books would look great on the heavy wooden shelf he had set up. In fact while I was arranging the flowers and the mats, he was putting up the folding beds with nuts and screws. Sigh! My challenge: He had the easy jobs so poor l'il me waited patiently for him to perk me up with some coffee!
4. Going to Work - After a couple of late mornings and evil stares from my boss, I decided to rig the alarm clock. “Baby!” I nudged, “Honey” I poked, the alarm just went off. Shhh! Technically, it was 7 AM, but the clock showed 7:30. So he went rushing into the kitchen while I stole another 15 mins in bed. He knew I was a slow poke at fixing breakfast but was a maniac of a driver. My challenge: Braving the traffic to drop him first and then get to work myself.

Well! These are some of the challenges as a newly wed wife. No one is perfect but we both still try to keep each other purr…fectly happy without scratching each other;s eyes out. Meow!

My definition of Utopia for newly weds would be along these lines without the interference of relatives and parents on either side. Newly married couples should be left alone to be able to learn about each other’s needs. This works best when both are financially independent.

Oh my god! There are many challenges faced by women after marriage.

Challenges starts from day 1. Before marriage my life is jolly jolly. I am my parents fav kid they pampers me with lots of love.

Imagine bringing a boy and paying him dowry and arranging every thing for marriage and giving their daughter to him. After all this, they will face lots of humilation like this money is less, they don't know this tradition etc. This is biggest challenge for a married women. She can't talk against them neither she can't support her parents.

2nd challenge comes with their family. The gal who never spoke with stangers now has to talk with everyone in the family including their grand grand father if he alive😂

Challenge 3, she is the gal who used to go many outings with friends now for a small outing she has to give lot of explanation ( outing is not with someone but only with their own son)

Challenge 4 in kitchen this comes the worst thing ever, gal with 24 years and so expected to cook everything like a award winning chef. Expected to clean the house like a maid who works in 10 houses. Speed and prefect.

Their family born from God and goddess directly our family born in hell.

Challenge 5 this is most important they wanted their son to get marry and happy but their daughter in law should not be happy, appreciated, and always and always stick to home expect when she goes to office.

And yeah.. If they have a daughter, she is beautiful like miss world, does everything with so much perfection. But their daughter in law (naahh I can't say)

And challenges goes no… everyday is a challenge what time you woke you, what things you do, how you behave, your mood everything should be like perfect means perfect

Here comes their son, who talks sweet but also wanted everything to be done as written in their house Constitution.

Thank you for reading❤

During our courtship 36 years ago, I, of course, ate many meals at my girlfriend’s home where she still lived with her parents. They were always tasty if a little well-done. After the wedding, we moved into a little rented house where I learned the previous meals she cooked had been well coached by her mother. Wife could barely boil water on her own. On the other hand, I had been trained by a professional chef during my high school years as part of a part time job at his restaurant. To this day I do the cooking when we are having guests but she has become competent making daily meals.

Which brings up another amusing story. About a dozen years ago I was working on a project where we had brought several colleagues over from India to help with some technology tasks. Their English was excellent but knowledge of American culture was, well, lets’s call it on-the-job-training. In late November, I let everyone know I was taking an extra day off to get prepared for Thanksgiving. The guys had heard of this but they were full of questions about the details. One asked why I needed to take an extra day since it sounded like the day revolved around food. I told him for whole family was coming to my house so I needed to get the turkey ready and prepare some of the side dishes etc. This was followed by several seconds of silence. “What is your wife doing?” one asked.

“I hope she stays out of my way. She’s a terrible cook.” I answered. Another minute of silence.

Another guy asked, “Why would your mother pick such a woman for you?”

“My mother didn’t pick, I picked her myself.” I thought this was amusing.

They discussed it among themselves for a few minutes in Hindi. Then the first one announced, “We think you should have let your mother pick.”

Edit: I seem to have ignited a discussion about gender roles India. I think we are all improved by the comparison cultures. For myself, I also learned how the difficulty of getting a divorce in India requires married people to resolve conflicts instead of simply quitting. The sharing has been valuable.

This question can have several answers from different types of people. My life as a married women is amazing. I married my husband at 18, and I am still young but there isn’t a day that goes by that makes me regret my decision. My husband purchased our first home at 19, and we skipped a huge part of life I feel. We didn’t live in apartments with roommates or anything like that. We were high school sweethearts. I met him when we I just turned 15. When we got married we did it anonymously and when we told his parents they were extremely happy for us. When I told my father he was happy for me too. I think what I love the most about marriage is how both of our families come together whenever we do something. I’m a stay at home wife while my husband works, it gets lonely sometimes but our 3 dogs keep me company. We make each other extremely happy. One thing I think is important for a marriage to work is to keep each other laughing. Don’t let little things become big problems.

When my wife and I dated we hated the hours we were apart.

Oh, and couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we were together.

But then, that’s another story.

I’d drop her off at her parent’s house. Walk her to the door. Kiss her goodnight on the porch. Not go in because her dad still wasn’t exactly thrilled I was stealing his 20 year old daughter.

And ache until I’d see her again the next evening after school and work.

Then we married. And I didn’t need to drop her off and leave.

We were together for dinner. After dinner. When we went to sleep. When we woke up. All day, every day on the weekends and holidays.

When we were sick. When we wanted to play. When one of us wanted to do something we enjoyed that the other thought, “Yeah, not so much.”

It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other just as much.

It was more like deciding to eat ice cream, for every meal, every day, forever. It’s really fun, for a while.

So my wife and I learned a lesson that’s helped us keep looking forward to our times together.

We let sunshine into our marriage.

Both of us need time in the sun to grow. Our relationship needs basking in sunshine to be healthy.

We give each other time alone to pursue life and interests we individually have but don’t necessarily share.

We both work. She from our home. And I have an office.

On the weekends, she loves gardening. I find gardening a bit excruciating. My hyperactive mind never turns off and races overtime while gardening driving her and me crazy.

Ok, well it’s a short trip for me.

I enjoy restoring and driving classic sports cars. I have a set of coveralls in her size. I don’t remember her ever wearing them.

She says to her friends, “I never have to wonder where he is on the weekend. He’s always in the back garage. I can hear him.”

And occasionally that’s swearing. See, you have to yell at old British sports cars to get them to run sometimes.

She belongs to a women’s guild that supports our local children’s hospital.

I belong to Rotary and served as president.

We enjoy sailing, skiing and traveling together.

So most days we’re apart during the day. Doing our own thing. Growing in the sun.

When we meet up in the evening we both are looking forward to our evening walk where we catch up on the day. Enjoy hearing of each other’s adventures.

And treasure our evening and night together until the next morning when we each walk into the sunshine again.

So on the weekend I can find her puttering in the garden. And she can hear me working on and sometimes swearing at one of the sports cars.

Oh, and both of us, feeling gratitude for another day together.

Closeness in a marriage isn’t built by always being together but giving time to be apart.

Women are basically infatuated about marriage. When they fall inlove all they can think of is getting married, being with their husband, having romantic times together, starting a family, cooking for their husband's, having late night candle light dinners, walking around naked in the house or even in lingerie, spending time with each other without anybody else being able to stop them. Oh well the list goes on.

Point of this matter is that its all a damn dream. You are either marriage material or you are not and by this I mean that your whole mind body and soul need to know what you are brining yourself into when you consider marriage. You have to understand that marriage is forever not to divorce later when u start to get bored. You have to be prepared to be able to suffer with your husband even if that means that both of you or even one of you gets bored of the marriage. When tough times comes romantic nights are limited and don't forget no more tight romantic cuddling ( I lay behind your back and mmmm are your horny baby). Yep the honeymoon phase can be over in a jiffy.

To my point now. The fact that why do life for women become difficult after marriage?, Is because not lots of women understand marriage when they decide on taking the big step. The main reason is that your once romantic husband has become someone you have to start living with forever and that becomes boring…. Your relationship has gone from BEING INLOVE which means all the fairytale sparks and romance to LOVING your husband with no more fairytale sparks and romance. This does not mean thats its bad. Dont get me wrong. Its simply just means that loving somone is way different than being inlove. Loving someone means a bond you share where your husband becomes your friend and you no him inside and out. It also means that when you guys are apart you will miss each other terribly and you cannot seem to see him get hurt or you cannot see him go places without you.

Sometimes when your marriages arw struck with financial issues or even when you start with babies your marriage becomes very difficult too because now you dealing with lots of responsibilities and less time for each other too which is another opsticle

Marriage shouldn't be described as difficult. Its because people generally turn it into difficult. It is very important to know from the start that the honeymoon phase does not last forever and that tough times will come.

We need to love our partner through thick and thin…. Through happy and sad times through boring and not so boring times. Make your marriage work. Its what you wanted before you got married. Just because things change does not mean that the person you fell inlove with died inside…. Nope the fire is and desire is still there just move on and search for it. Just because you have children does not mean you cannot be romantic together if you love each other then make it work! Stop trying to think about how life would be if u didn't get married because boy I know that's what you thinking. Stop that and think about what you can do to bring out that person inside that you fell inlove with -bring them out! And fight for it make it work forget about the negativity of the marriage embrace the happy times. Im sure there are happy times. If there is not then we all no that the marriage is not working.

Dont be a product of that cause know what you want before you go for it and then make it work!

OMG, this one is hilarious.

Both my husband and I hated to do dishes, although we are basically neatish people. And when we were first married, we were both in school.

Anyway, my class had a seminar at the university near where we lived. My classmates all knew my husband from parties, and they wanted to see where we lived. I invited them over for a small get together. I knew our tiny apt was in good shape, but the sink was crammed with dishes that we planned to do on the weekend (I believe this was a Thursday). I called the Mister and asked him to clean up the dishes as the girls were coming over.

We get to the apt about 20 minutes later. As soon as I walk in, I can see everything is ship-shape, and the bits of clutter have been put away. I gave the Mister an extra big hug and a kiss, and thanked him for making the place look so nice.

It took about 42 seconds to show off the 65 m2. We had a few pieces of nice-ish furniture I had from when I first moved away from home and had a decent job. Most of the rest was decorated in the “Early Canadian Poverty” style - stuff you’ve begged from your parent’s basement, and sourced from garbage skiffs. We got rave reviews - because my friends were nice people.

We are all chatting away, and I tell everyone I’ll put on coffee and a snack. My MIL was famous in her small town area as a great cook and wonderful baker. She had sent us home with a frozen Saskatoon pie, because she knew it was one I really liked. Saskatoons are a sweet tree fruit, which I particularly love.

Saskatoon berries

I pulled the pie out of the freezer, and put the oven on to pre-heat. I went back into the living room to rejoin the conversation for 10 minutes, while the oven warmed up. We were all chatting away, while the flat filled first with the smell of fresh coffee brewing, and then something not so pleasant. I looked over to see acrid smoke seeping out of the oven!

I let loose a little scream, the Mister looked to try to figure out what was going on. He started to laugh.

He hadn’t washed the dishes, he had hidden them in the oven for a quick clean up! The pre-heating was working on some of the greasy Tupperware!

I was dumbfounded. He was resourceful. My friends were killing themselves laughing. Then I started to laugh too.

This is how he and his buddies normally cleaned up for company, in his single life.

EDIT: Today, I brought up this question with the Mister. (June 15, 2016). As soon as I read the question to him, he said, ‘It was dishes.’ :p

I think too many women fixate on the wedding, not the marriage. They've been taught (by popular culture) since early childhood that getting married is the ultimate goal, but relatively little thought is put into being married.

As a result, many women have been planning their weddings far longer than they've known their fiances - as if the man they're marrying is just another accessory, like the dress or the hairstyle or the flowers. Well, he'll still be there long after the hair has come down, the flowers have died, and the dress no longer fits. By then it's become obvious that they married the wrong person, but it's a difficult mistake to undo.

From my experience I am saying that your whole marriage depends on your partner's family. My husband's family - including my husband ruined my life. Even if at the time of marriage the family doesn't say anything, after marriage they will slowly and steadily poison your partners mind. So be very careful about the family you are getting into. Unless your partner is mature enough stay away from toxic partners and their families

For people who are finding a way to save your marriage, you can check this link. It has helped over 6000 couples disarm and stop divorces from happening to them,It can help you save your marriage even if you are the only one that wants to save it! I've got good results with it. I've been married to my wife for 15 years now and I was at a total loss as to what was going wrong with our marriage. She just seemed to stop loving me. Thanks to that guide, I've totally changed the way I approach the situation, it was not easy, but during the last three months, the turn around in our relationship has been simply amazing.

Not for me, i have no tolerance for cheating, my ex wife cheated on me, i left her and filed for divorce, she called me crying that she wanted to get back together, i told her to fuck off! You had another dick in you, you’ll never get mine AGAIN! I was taught to never EVER disrespect a female, never disrespect a lady, but my ex was no lady, she was and is a pig! She begged me and cried her eyes out, pleading with me! I told her, and believe me, i would never say this to ANY FEMALE, NEVER! I told her i wouldnt jerk off in a glass and throw it at her! Thats how much she disgusts me! Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!

1. No-one thanks you, everyone points out your errors.
2. You work from morning 6 to 12 at night, still people think that you are enjoying your day sitting on the couch watching television.
3. Your education, skills, talent go waste, you feel caged, bounded and stuck in life, and the frustation increases because you deserve much more.
4. Your husband can refuse your expenses, this may damage your ego and self-esteem but you don't have an option.
5. Some husbands show as if they are your guardian, they are raising you, you are a liability, and anything they do for you is favour.
6. Your financial life, your needs depend on your husband's career.
7. Initially some woman think, they would be saved from work being a housewife, but soon their dreams break and they realise managing house is much tough, boring, and tedious, plus you don't get monetary returns.
8. Your retirement is not secured, you don't get any corpus or anything, in fact you can't retire, you have to continue with responsibilities if your husband can't manage a maid.
9. You will waste your life, destroy your dreams, spend years for others and in the end when you die, people will say, 'what a selfless woman?' and eat the delicious meal at your chautha and leave.

I can write a book about this topic and mention certain worst things like husband cheating because you are dependent, but I will stop here for now.

I am from India and we got married in the month of May, the season of mangoes (which I totally hate BTW)

So in India we have a tradition that after marriage, the relatives invite the newly married couple for dinner/lunch. We were invited to my husband's uncle's place for dinner. The menu was puri, vegetables and mango pulp. My husband knew that I hate mangoes. Still just for fun, he told his relatives that I love mangoes. So like most Indian families they kept filing my bowl with the mango pulp. I kept refusing but they simply thought I was a shy bride n kept on serving. I reached the point where I was about to puke in their house. Somehow one of his cousins noticed that I was on the verge of tears and made everyone stop. On reaching home I puked everything out. And then we had our first major fight. After that day my husband has really made sure that no one forces me to eat whenever we are invited to anyone's place.

Edit: thx everyone for the lovely comments and the upvotes. It was and still is a memorable incident, surely one that helps make memories.

As a kid growing up, my parents were always around. And they are still married today, 58 years later. They still flirt and kiss.

I’ve been married and divorced twice. And that’s not even considered abnormal anymore. I know people on their third or fourth marriage. Why?

Someone once told me that people go into marriage like a tick on a hound, only to realize there are two ticks, and no dog.

Marriage seem to have stages: ideal, deal, ordeal, raw deal, and new deal.

Ideal is that stage where it’s all butterflies in the stomach, “we'll be together forever”, sex at the drop of the hat kind of love. And that’s great.

But eventually, real life sets in. Mortgages, bills to pay, kids to raise. Many people were happy with the white picket fence and a modest home, a fridge full of food, and the bills paid. But something has changed. Our world is smaller now thanks to the internet and faster modes of travel. We text instead of talk. We’ve become disconnected from our neighbors. And that is starting to affect our relationships IN the home. This constant push for instant gratification excludes our partners. We are no longer a team, we become roommates with benefits who sort of have the same end goals. We become comfortable, so we deal with what life hands us.

Then we reach that fork in the road. The butterflies are gone and we ask ourselves “is this all there is?” and “is this good enough?” And with today’s standard of instant gratification, unfortunately we realize the answer could be “no” if we decided to push it. Marriage is now an ordeal to be endured. So we test it to see if it will hold. We gain weight and exercise less. We assert our own independence and no longer think of the SO. “They know me, and they’ll understand.” We take less pride in our appearance. We don’t make time for each other, until the day it becomes too much for one.

One will have an affair. They preface it with “the other person doesn’t understand me and my needs”. It’s like “I have roast beef every day. I want a hamburger.” Then instant gratification kicks in with a healthy dose of selfishness, and someone gets a raw deal.

Then divorce happens, and it’s on to the new deal.

So how to combat this?

When people get married, saying “I do” is the easy part. It’s the living together afterward that’s hard.

And why is it hard? Because marriage requires submission to each other. In other words, we have to give up control of ourselves to the other person. You put the needs of the other above your own…ALWAYS. And both have to do it.

Guys, that face you shave? It ain’t yours anymore. It now belongs to your wife.

Ladies, those lips you put lipstick on? They aren’t yours anymore. They belong to hubby.

In both cases, the entire body belongs to the spouse. Not to the world at large, and not to yourself, but to them.

Marriage is the requirement that you put the needs of the other above your own.

Sex is not about YOUR pleasure, it’s about theirs.

It’s about the overwhelming desire to make sure THEIR needs are met above your own.

If even one person fails in this, the marriage is doomed.

That’s not to say that sometimes you can’t be selfish, or need a little more maintenance than the other one. But if you demand it all the time and give none back, there are going to be issues.

Mom and Dad endured because they were of a generation that you didn’t throw something away because it wasn’t working right…you fixed it. Together.

In today’s world of instant gratification, divorces are becoming a little too easy to get. And when you are selfish, a marriage is doomed. The best you can do is NOT BE selfish, and hope your spouse is of the same mind.

It takes two to tango, and each most do their part in the dance. And if you do it right, you respond with the moves the other person has and needs.

Besides, submission can be very sexy.

Yes I am.

Married for 2 years and I still wonder if my husband really loves me or not, whether he really needs me in his life or not. The reason for such thoughts is his past. He had many girlfriends before our marriage, of which I believe, one relationship was serious. He wanted to marry her. I came to know about her the day I accidentally found some emails written by him to her. I also came to know that he used to keep checking her social media profile almost everyday! Thinking of your ex inspite of being married and having your wife with you! This is something beyond my understanding. I confronted him. He said he came to know that she got married and so he used to check her profile. Seriously! Why should that even matter to him now? He too is married. Shouldn't I be his only concern? That was the day I lost all the trust in him. And I can't trust him even to this day.

I felt betrayed and this left me restless. I dug further by viewing her profile, which is public, and to my surprise, found that they had travelled countries together, had so many pictures together, stayed together and also had many mutual friends. All this with her and with me? Well, we rarely go out. He has not shared a single picture of us on his social networks (not that I like such display). He hardly clicks pictures with me. It's only when I insist. We never had romantic conversations wherein a couple confesses their love for each other. I have always expressed my love for him but he has always lacked the interest to respond. But his messages to her reveal a different story. They show what a “madly-in-love” kinda person he was! He seems to be so happy then. He has referred to her as his better half, the romantic dates they had and the love they made! He has criticised me many times for not performing certain positions properly in bed. Well, this hurt on a different level. So does he think of her when we are intimate? Does he imagine her in place of me? This and so many other questions and thoughts flood my mind everytime we have some arguments.

I had initially fought with him over this. If he couldn't forget her, he had no right to spoil my life. He assured me that he does not think of her anymore but I can't get this out of my mind. He always got emotional when I brought this topic up. Doesn't that mean he still had feelings for her? Wasn't she still on his mind? Why would he get emotional if he didn't still think of her? I find it very difficult to trust him again. He's an absolutely caring person. He does take care of me and my needs. But I somehow feel like I'm not the kind of person that he was looking for as a partner. I always feel like he had a better life with her. Rather he makes me feel so.

I wanted a break from all these thoughts so I have come to my parents’ for few days. And surprisingly he has not talked to me since the day I left. I tried to talk but it hasn't helped. Looks like my absence doesn't matter either.

It may be all in my head. I may be overthinking. I don't know. But some efforts from him would be appreciated so much. I don't want to leave him for I really love him. But I also can't live with these thoughts. It is difficult to survive a marriage unless you feel loved and respected.

Couple of days ago, I read an answer on Quora regarding life after marriage.

She was anonymous, and had shared how her life changed after marriage. It was touching.

The story was more or less similar to the phases of a person’s life. (Here I am talking about phase of life, your experience with marriage could be different.)

You get married at the proper age. ( Remember, this is the age decided by the society, and your parents.)

Initial years, there is so much love, so much romance, so much sex. You love everything about your partner.

With time, the romance starts to fade away. You don’t find anything exciting in the relationship.

This happens to everyone. This is just a phase.

You ignore your thoughts, and move ahead with life.

Couple of years later, you become a parent.

Okay! Now, you have something to talk. Something new came up.

But, then you realize that there is nothing new except the conversation you have about your child.

You fight with each other, there is no love but you are together just for the sake of your child.

You miss your identity, you crave for someone who gives your more, more than the physical pleasure.

You start searching for people who look like you from the inside.

May be you find him, may be you don’t.

May be you stick to your loveless relationship, may be you don’t.

Whatever happens, you realize your mistake.

You realize that as soon as you removed sex from the relationship, there is nothing the relationship has to offer!

I guess, this is the most difficult thing after marriage.

Just getting into a relationship because everyone is doing so, or because you are at your proper age, is wrong.

Most of us fail to understand that marriage is not a necessity.

It’s okay if you remain alone, and just enjoy life than to live a loveless life.

There is more to marriage than just good looks, and physical pleasure.

Look for someone whose thoughts are attractive, with whom you can untie the convoluted puzzles of life.

Look for real love, the raw version.

The deeper, the sweeter.

Edit: For all those who are taking it personal, it’s good that your relationship is good, that’s your experience. That doesn’t mean that everyone’s relationship is perfect. This answer is inspired by the ‘Anonymous’ answer to such question where the writer wasn’t happy in her marriage.

P.S: Here is something I learned today, ‘Convoluted’ which means ‘Complex’ or ‘Difficult’.

These are my suggestions to the women after they get married.

1: Don’t share your previous love life

Never tell your husband about your affairs before marriage, however hard your husband coaxes you. Even if he tells his own secrets, keep your secrets a secrets. If you reveal them to your husband, his love would not be same again.

2: Don’t ask husband’s secrets

It is quite possible that your husband had some affairs before the marriage. It is better to forget about the love affairs happened before marriage and start your love life with a clean slate. If you come to know his secrets, you can’t love him as much even with your best effort. Sometime, ignorance is a bliss.

3: Don’t try to possess your husband

Your husband was a son of his parents and brother of his siblings before marriage. These relationships are decades old. You are the newest one. Don’t try to possess your husband and expect him to give all the attention to you.

4: Don’t Neglect your husband after you have children

Many women start neglecting their husbands once they have kids. They are actually not neglecting deliberately, but they get so much absorbed with their children that their husband feels neglected. You must balance the two and keep paying attention to your husband.

5: Don’t leave your job

When a woman has kids, she feels compelled to devote more time to her children. In such a situation, she has to take that time from her jobs. Some women leave their jobs since they can’t balance the two. It would be better if you don’t leave the job and manage your kids with the help of your parents and in laws or with a baby-sitter. You can also explore work-at-home types of jobs for some period. After a few years, the kids won’t need that much time and you can be back on your job.

6: Never compromise with your self-respect

Marriage is another name of compromise. No two people are ever same in this world. Hence, you have to make adjustments with your husband’s and his family. In your attempt to improve relationships, never sacrifice self-respect. You must always live with honour. If you lose your honour, it may be difficult to get it back.

7: Never lose yourself

There is something in us which is original, divine and pure. We change with time, but this core of ours never change. It’s nature which makes us introvert or extrovert, loud or silent, emotional or rational. That is your identity and true self. Never try to become like someone else to please anyone. Let people accept you as you are. When you lose yourself, you lose your soul and then you can never be happy again.

Right now I'm feeling lonely & emotional.

In the first meet, I did not talk to girl.( Now my wife)

I got married around 6 months back which was an arranged marriage.

Right after our engagement, I was very happy & showed unconditional love to my better half.

The marriage went on smoothly.

The problem started right on the day of our first night.

We had an argument as she was reluctant to first night rituals. I felt bad & slept that day.

Again after 2 days, we had similar kind of fight.

After speaking to her, she said let's not try now for sometime & give her some time untill she gets a job. I said ok & was sleeping in a separate room.

But there were somedays we slept together & had some good time. But nothing was moving as others thought.

I brought up this matter to my parents & her parents like what was going on between us two.

My parents felt very bad & there parents as well, and they gave us some advice & left us.

After few days I came to know that she didn't like me, she obeyed her parents & married me, her concern was, I was not good looking at the age of 30 and I was not earning as per expectations which was like 1L/month whereas I was making only 35k/month.

My wife even attempted suicide once by saying I was forcing her to get intimate. Her father & brother came & took her to her native for few days & she came back.

But I was very kind to her parents & was calling them every alternate day, her father even supported me during her hospitalisation (suicide attempt) and then came her brother.

My in laws took full advantage of my innocence & had plans of studying my wife's brother in our house itself where the college was nearby, Till the time, her parents were there is no fault of you, it is all our daughter's only, but the plan didn't workout & he got settled in hostel, the misunderstanding started between me & her father.

After her brother was in hostel, her father had stopped calling me, before which he used to call me frequently.

Her father even started saying you have given torture to my daughter that's why she had attempted suicide once.

But things went on.

Later my wife & me had some good time.

Moving forward my wife got conceived & she used a home test kit & confirmed it without knowing me.

Later I asked her about it & then she said to visit a doctor. While going to the doctor I asked her what was the result.

She smiled & said positive.

I was happy on one side & sad the other because she did the test without my knowledge.

Now she is in her 3rd month, her parents never call me.

I spoke to her mother 1 or 2 times after my wife's pregnancy.

My wife hardly speaks to me. I always keep a follow up on her health, I regularly ask her to take tablets, I always bring her what she likes to eat but she is not happy but acts like being so.

Now I'm worried about our baby's growth.

Literally I'm feeling lonely & bad being in this situation.

Need your kind suggestions.

Sorry for long answer.

I am currently going through this right now. Its the worst traumatic experience of my life. So raw and upsetting. I found out about the affair as evidence was found and I queried it. I was lied to immediately. Until he decided to tell me the truth. I didn’t want my marriage to end, I tried fighting for us. But he continued to lie and meet with AP. We tried couples counselling but looking back wouldn’t have worked because he wasn’t over AP. He didn’t give me a chance, didn’t put me first, didn’t attempt to make amends. When we talked about us, the conversation would become heated and we’d go backwards and retreat. Communication from him was non-existent, I was stone walled. And it all came to an end when I discovered more lies, secret meet ups, deceit. As much as I don’t want my marriage to end it has to for the sake of my happiness. I have to remind myself that his actions are not acceptable and he is incapable of change that our relationship would never recover. I’d never be able to trust him, I can’t live a life of trying to track and find evidence. What hurts the most is I didn’t choose to become a part time parent. Affairs destroy everything, friends, family, children and those who live around you. It consumes your life whilst juggling the excessive emotions. And if you want to make it work after an affair then you both need to communicate, both honour each other feelings, put the person who was betrayed upon first and do everything you can to make them number one, give up on passions/social life to commit to each other until you have go through the worst. Personal therapy to openly speak about feelings. When you say it’s hard, it is extremely hard to recover.

The problem with marriage is that many men get complacent and stop doing the things that attracted their partner in the first place. When I got married it was understood that I would be making most of the money, taking care of all the financial stuff, as well as most of the cleaning while he did the cooking and worked part time. He was a very attractive man and I felt like the luckiest woman in the world.

The sex stopped soon after the honeymoon. You see, he liked chubby girls and at 120 pounds I literally wasn’t enough for him. For every woman who enters a marriage hoping to change her man there is a man hoping to change his wife into something she’s not. I could not discuss this with my female friends. There are simply no words in our society to discuss women trapped in a sexless marriage because it is overwhelmingly a man’s problem. I was probably the only late 20-something woman in my entire state who had to beg her husband for sex. So from the beginning my marriage was plagued with a problem that had no name. I had always thought, perhaps naively, that marriage was supposed to solve sexual frustration, not create it. I did not get married to never have sex again.

The homemade dinners gradually dropped from every workday to once a week over the course of our marriage because he was “depressed”. He also stopped accompanying me to family and social events. Again, I did not get married to show up alone to events. But I was patient. I convinced myself that the mental illness was the problem, not our marriage. I listened to him tell me about how depressed he felt. I hid any pills that might be dangerous because he talked about suicide. When he said he was going to walk out our front door and not stop until he died I blocked the door with my body and called 911. I ended up canceling the 911 call because I managed to get him to calm down and promise not to hurt himself while I was at work. When anyone asks me why I don’t want kids I tell them I was effectively the parent of a grown man at the ripe old age of 28. Finally I persuaded him to get professional help. The suicide talk stopped but he still didn’t do much except play video games. Except when his bros wanted to hang out. Then he spent as much time getting ready as he did when we were dating. By this point he was spending more time with his guy friends than he was with me. Why didn’t I speak up at that point? Because it all happened so gradually, like the proverbial frog in the pot, that it had become my new normal. He started spending the night at his friends’ places. I knew something was up but couldn’t pinpoint where exactly I should have put my foot down.

Then I went through his phone and discovered the sexually explicit texts to one of his community college students. I confronted him. He begged me not to leave him. Then a few months later he announced that he was leaving me for yet another woman. The community college student, you see, had just been a fling but he was serious about this other woman. Ironically she turned him down. Perhaps she saw his picture under “hot mess” in the dictionary.

So there it is. I supported this man financially and emotionally for years, only to have him turn on me once he thought the grass was greener on the other side. He even had the chutzpah to suggest that I buy him a flat screen TV as a parting gift so that he could have a better gaming experience once I moved out. I told him my parting gift to him was not pulling a Lorena Bobbitt after I found out about the cheating. I am not a violent woman, I would never have done it, but I was beyond pissed. I surprised even myself with that outburst. I thought I had left self-respect behind so long ago it was no longer visible in the rear view mirror.

Owing to unusual legal circumstances my husband got our home and with it the income from renting out the spare bedroom. That combined with his income should be enough to pay for the necessities but he won’t have the same standard of living as when he was married to me, although neither of us pays alimony. I love men but I put a lot of effort into making my house a home. I do not want my housing situation ever to be dependent on the whims of a male again. That is why I do not intend to remarry. No man is ever going to take my home away from me again.

What is the difference between a husband and a male escort? The male escort is honest about the fact that he sees other women and does not expect you to wait on him hand and foot after a full day’s work. I don’t know where this idea that women want to trap men into marriage so they can profit from “divorce-raping” them came from but whoever came up with it should probably contact the makers of the “Twilight Zone” and ask them how to escape from a time warp. Women have been making our own money for decades now. Marriage is still a good idea if you want to have kids since parenting really is a two-person job. Yet Millennial women are much less likely than previous generations of women to be mothers so that doesn’t apply to most of them. Oddly enough more divorced men than divorced women say they want to remarry*. For an institution that supposedly oppresses men to benefit women men sure seem eager to rush into their chains.

Modern man has made himself unmarriageable. I keep hearing from men how it is feminist oppression to demand equality in voting yet still expect a man to support us. It is now politically incorrect to expect a man to have a job or bring any money to the table. You get called “gold-digger” “hypergamous” and all other manner of names if you do. You get called a “nagging femi-Nazi” if you ask a man to wash a dish or clean up after himself. Sex is the only thing we’re really allowed to ask a man for. Even there preferring a fit well-groomed well-dressed man over a slovenly overweight one will get you accused of “objectifying men”. I’m all for evening out the differences in outcomes men face in family courts but the men’s rights movement has gone too far in shaming women for daring to have standards. Male empowerment has become male entitlement. If all men are bringing to the table is sex it better be pretty damn good sex from a man who actually makes a minimal effort to keep up his appearance. Ask yourself if women at any point in history have ever needed the institution of marriage to obtain sex from men. Marriage is just a carrot men dangle in front of us to keep us on our best behavior, having used slut-shaming to punish women who see through their ruse. Once married the threat of divorce and “you’ll never find another man with the baggage of being a divorced woman” is used to keep the free maid service, the sympathetic ear for all his woes, the extra income, and all the other non-sexual benefits coming. Marriage as we know it was created by men to satisfy male needs for sex, control, and a comfortable home base at a time when women were legally considered property. Although it has evolved considerably since then old attitudes die hard. What does a woman have to lose by marrying? Freedom, self-respect, money, pretty much everything worth having.

I feel a surge of quiet hope when I see my fellow Millennial women actually enjoying themselves. They were not indoctrinated into believing marriage was a positive good for women as I was. They get all the sex that I was denied first by swallowing the lie that premarital sex made one a bad woman and then by my chubby-chasing husband. I bent over backwards to accommodate the demands of both traditional sexual morality and the modern liberated man and reaped nothing but dust and ashes for it. Now I intend to start living my life for myself, not other people, as they have been doing all along. Together we can end this farce of modern marriage, where men reap the benefits of the traditional breadwinner without actually doing any kind of breadwinning.

*The Demographics of Remarriage

3 major red flags show an imminent breakdown in the marriage.

1. Inability to communicate on an emotional level. I was in a marriage where we would sit at opposite ends of the couch and not say anything to each other all evening.
2. Not sleeping together. This can be not sleeping in the same bed routinely, not holding or laying up against each other and/or not having sex. The touching is what makes my wife feel love for me. The physical act of sex is how I feel love from her. Often our best communication is after we have finished and are laying in bed holding each other. Even if we don't say a word to each other we still communicate through touch (like holding hands etc.)
3. One partner having an emotional or physical affair. Something is missing when comfort and communication are with other than your spouse. This step is a logical progression of issues with the other 2.

1. Most Indian women want to live a happy peaceful life with her husband after marriage.
2. But taking care of the whole family like in-laws is considered as burden by many women.
3. I have personally seen that women these days not even want to take care of a small family which includes husband, father in law and mother in law.
4. Expectations are very high and reality is different.
5. Facing real life issues is not an easy nut to crack.
6. Nobody wants to get out of her comfort zone.
7. Everybody wants to take care of her oneself first.
8. There is nothing wrong in it. But one should understand that family also plays a very significant role in making one happy.
9. Upgrade your maturity, tolerance power and learn to handle critical situations.
10. Managing a small family is not that difficult, you just need to be understanding and caring.

Yes. I got married to a well settled guy 5 months back. It was an arranged marriage. After 6 months of courtship period, we got married. During those 6 months, we fell in love with each other. We used to talk everyday from morning till night. He shared everything with me. But I hid many things from him which were related to my past. Even after marriage everything was just perfect. But 1 day he got to know about my past relationships (physical). It broke him completely. He felt like being cheated on.

It’s been more than 3 months since he found the truth. Since he is very mature, he understands that whatever happened was in the past and cannot be changed. But it is becoming very difficult for him to accept everything. He is trying to forget everything but whenever he sees happy couples, he gets disheartened. He kept himself pure because he believed that there would be only woman in his life with whom he will share his mind, heart, body and soul. But my past relationships broke him. Sometimes he feels like every moment that I had spent with him or every effort I made for him during our courtship period were fake and were just to cover up my mistakes. Since we was well settled, he has always wanted a wife who is also settled in her carrier but I was not that much settled. He compromised his wish just because he thought I was good at character. But now he is left with nothing. He has not disclosed anything to his parents (my in-laws) because he knows it will break them also as they love me like their own daughter. It has started to affect his physical as well as his mental health. We have been talking to many unknown people to get some advice for what should be done because this thing always mattered to him a lot. We both want to continue with each other but sometimes it seems so difficult to forget everything. Sometimes we think to plan a baby that can work as a bridge between us. But then we feel what if even after 2 or 3 years we find it difficult to accept everything?

I have no idea what I should do.

I was scrolling through my Instagram and came across this picture.

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Like seriously?

I hate it when I see posts like this. People always post such stuff on social sites and think that they are cool. But no it's not cool at all. We don't want to know what you are doing with your spouse.

Please stop posting this kind of things on Facebook or on any other social websites.

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There is one 2-minute scene in the Malayalam Classic, Kumblangi Nights.

Two women, wife and her sister, would be cooking pooris while one woman, mother-in-law, would be serving the man in the house.

The man enjoys the puffy hot pooris.

The two women finish cooking and later join the dinner. The camera zooms back slowly and there is a chilling dramatic music, showing this

The three women would be having the lukewarm, deflated pooris from the hotbox.

Housewives make the hot and yummy food for the people in the house, but they would be the last ones to eat it. And they rarely have the opportunity to feel how it tastes when served hot.

It is like this family event night where the girl who applies mehendi paste to all other girls cannot have the beautiful pattern on both her palms as one palm would have already been red from applying to others.

"Awww my jaanuuu shonaaa looking so hawwttttt...(lots of kiss emoticon)." These type of comments on her husband's picture on social sites, is something that is really bothersome.
Some girls upload lots of pictures of them with their husbands and add descriptions like "Beautiful smile of jaanu", "Baby is in black", awww my angry hubby". *_*
Why do you want to show your husband's or boyfriend's different colours to all your fb friends ? Why would you want to describe your fights and love on fb ?
It's irritating.

Also, stop wishing your husband on his birthday and Anniversary on social media. The poor chap is right next you on the bed. Tell him in person and don't embarrass him on the web.

Edit- Thanks a lot for promoting my answer :) :)

One half of the couple trying to start a conversation while the other half of the couple is doing something that requires their undivided attention, like watching television.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that it’s the husband who is just sitting there, minding his own business and watching TV. Then, let’s assume this is a straight, middle-aged couple living in Chicago, and the guy’s wife comes into the room, sits down like she’s going to watch the show too, but then begins talking.

So the guy pauses his show, so he can focus on what his wife his saying. She finished what she’s saying, and he responds, and then unpauses his show to begin watching it again.

But then his wife starts talking again, so he has to pause his show again. She finishes what she’s saying, the guy responds, and then unpauses his show to begin watching it again.

Then she starts talking again.

This happens a few more times before the guy finally stops the show completely and says, “Are we chatting now? Or are we watching a show now? Pick one.”

This, for some reason, upsets the woman. The guy didn’t mean to upset her… he just wanted clarification, so he could focus on a single task. He’s not a big fan of switch-tasking between two things.

This is a common problem with couples. So I’ve been told.

I believe the biggest problem in today's marriage is the typical to millenials mindset of “I have a million options to choose from, I will choose what satisfies me fastest and the world owes me that satisfaction".

Imagine a kid who has hundreds of toys in front of him and he wants this one, and that one and another one, because they all seem to be new, pretty and shiny and he tries to grab one but in a second he wants another one too and then he tries to grab more of them but he cannot hold all of them at once so some fall off his hands and he's left with one, but he still keeps looking at other ones, because the one in his hands is not his favourite one and the favourites change every 3 seconds or so. Every toy becomes boring in a few moments because there are yet so many he hasn't played with and even if there are no toys left, he's still not satisfied because “if there were this many, there has to be more somewhere" and so on and so on.

People often don't consider their choices carefully before they commit anymore. Because there's at least 10 alternatives waiting right around the corner in case this one doesn't suit his needs. Consumer mindset in everything —”if I don't like this, I can easy get a different one", “if this breaks, I'll just buy a new one", “if this doesn't make me happy anymore, I'll find what makes me happy again"

Too many adults nowadays have an attention span of a 3-year old. Constant distractions from the information overload that technology brings doesn't really help to focus on the most important things for a long period of time. And the same information overload from every direction leads to comparing yourself and everything you have to others and what they have due to the access of a global information network (internet). And the worst part is — most of the time internet offers us glorified and idealized stories of other's lives that don't exist but they look too good to not be chased after. And who starts chasing that dream of a perfect life they see on Instagram, Youtube and everywhere else — will never be satisfied with the partner they have, the job, the house, the car, the dog they have, because it's doesn't look in real life like it does on social media.

And last but not least —the good ol' “it doesn't matter what I have, it matters what others see that I have" .

Life has become so fast that we need everything fast and we expect everything fast and if there are things you can get fast, why invest something in the long term?

Marriages nowadays lack investment —al kinds of investment —time, patience, attention, focus, emotion, support… Which is almost always the fundamental thing that keeps it healthy and successful. But — “there's no time because life is fast. There's no patience because something else could satisfy me faster. There's no attention and focus because there are a million of distractions. And there is no support, because “the world owes ME, I don't owe anyone, ANYTHING".

Like Each and every thing has its own Pro's and cons.. The same way the marriage also has its own..One has to sacrifice his individuality completely if he/she is more of a narcissist.. You have to give up on your personal space..

1. If u are a busy person with an hectic schedule ur spouse will get upset because of this..
2. The second thing is getting along with in laws is the biggest peet peeve ever..
3. If you are more like an introvert then you would just like to avoid people and get irritated by all the in laws and their special treatment
4. What ever you do you must inform and take an advice from your spouse.
5. You just can't go anywhere wherever you want without informing your spouse.
6. You can't leave your spouse alone.. As they become a responsibility for you
7. What ever you do.. You must keep your spouse in consideration
8. You must always take care of them..
9. You should inculcate a habit of waiting.. Because when they have some work you have to drop them and pick them up.. Such like this there are so many problems of being married..

Life is full of dreams and desires.

Marriage is a kind of life turning point for most of the people. For some it tends to take a positive turn, but for some it turns into a negative side.

I wish to answer this from my views.

I feel the basic “ Tag line” of marriage is love. No matter whether it's a love marriage or arranged marriage or even love cum arranged marriage. If you have some love and care for your other half then the hurdles seems to be reduced.

Now coming to the question, people choose arranged marriage over love, may be this is not a new concept, it's like most of the people have a past love, crush or whatever it is. Even today if we ask our parents whether they had any love story before marriage they try to avoid answering it. Very few open up about their past.

Giving up on love happens for many reasons. Each and everyone have a different set of problems. Some have caste or religion issues. Some have financial status difference. There are a lot more to point out.

When you are exhausted in fighting against your problems the only option left is arranged marriage. As the society forces you to have a marriage at the right age. No matter whether you are prepared for it or not. To face the questions raised by the so called neighbours, relatives or acquaintances we need to get into a relationship.

So, I feel no one here has a life which they dreamt of living. Most of the time they are forced into certain situations and guided to accept what they get.

“ If you don't fight for what you want, then don't cry for what you lose”.

So it's like accept what you get whether success in love or failure, you need to keep moving to live your life.

It's A2A. Thanks for reading!

The big difference to the centuries before: Women had little or no rights. They were condemned to remain with their husbands. However they were treated or how their husband was. If they ran away, they were doomed. The family refused to take them back. They were on their own, easy prey for anybody to be used, abused.

Today. Women are free, in many aspects have more rights and privleges than men in many countries.

Many women, after a few years, realize: THAT was not the perfect match. I can do better. And OFF they go. Over 80 percent of relationships and also marriages are now terminated by the women.

It does not work out well in many cases. The result is: More and more lonely abandoned people, men and women.