The Music Wars of 2003. Fun times.

My then-roommate and I lived in a ground-floor apartment in a complex we were both familiar with. We drove past it numerous times, having lived in the city it was located in since we were both kids. In fact, we were friends since 4th or 5th Grade.

During the two years we lived in the apartment, we had three different upstairs neighbors.

The first neighbor was a single guy, probably in his 30s (we were both in our early 20s). The only time he caused us any problems was we heard some loud banging coming from the kitchen. I used the broom handle to thump on the ceiling, and he came downstairs to ask what our problem was. I explained about the banging coming from his apartment, and his girlfriend was tenderizing some steaks. I apologized and we went about our own business. He would move out a few months later, complaining that they (the complex management) was hiking his rent. We went to them and they said they wouldn’t hike ours; he was on a 6-month lease, whereas we were on a 1-year lease.

The second neighbor was a piece of work. She was a single woman, probably mid to late 40s, with a teenage son. Son was very promiscuous and was a wannabe gangsta. They had a rabbit they kept out on the balcony, and some of its droppings would fall between the cracks onto our patio.

That’s not the worst of it.

Mom and Son both liked to listen to their music rather loudly. Mom listened to Country. Son liked Rap. I don’t know if they both cranked up a local radio station, or if they put on a CD, but regardless, they played their music loud.

We would use a counter assault.

If Son happened to be playing his music, we would play Country or Rock. My roommate had a decent collection of Country CDs, I mostly Classic Rock. So Snoop Dogg or 50 Cent would be dueling with Shania Twain or Pink Floyd. If Mom decided to play her Country music, Deana Carter (Strawberry Wine seemed to be playing a lot whenever Mom was home) would have to compete against The Eagles or Eminem (she had a couple of Eminem CDs and some other Rap CDs). If my roommate’s then-boyfriend happened to be over (every other weekend), he would grab one of his CDs from his truck, which happened to be the same type of music we both liked (a little bit of everything) or would tune the radio on my stereo (in the living room) to a local Alternative station (99X).

I told my roommate if we had to, we could fight dirty. I had a few Classical CDs. Nothing by a particular artist; they were all compilations/collections, with random pieces by different composers. I believe I also had at the time a copy of the Dr. Demento 20th Anniversary CD, which featured a decent collection of novelty music recordings, with selections by Alan Sherman, Tom Lehrer, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Spike Jones, and a few others. I think I also had a couple of “Weird Al” CDs I could pull out.

They were very sloppy neighbors, too. I would often find an occasional kitchen utensil tossed over the railing into the bushes outside of our patio. I said the son was promiscuous because I’d often find a discarded condom. Unless Mom saw some action. Someone also did drugs, more than likely crack cocaine or heroin. We’d find discarded dime bags in the bushes. Luckily no needles.

While Mom and Son were living there, we’d have this “gang” show up at our building. They’d blast their music at 2 in the morning, and someone’s headlights would be shining right into my window. I had to tack up a blanket over the window to block them out. They’d all gather in the breezeway, talking up a storm, saying, “Yo, N-Word” this and “What up, my N-Word” that. My roommate discovered the best way to get them to disperse was to open up our door and sit in the dining room. She might read a book or just sit there. I had two cats, so she’d make sure they were shut up in my room. If her boyfriend (now husband) happened to be visiting, they’d sit up and play a board game or a card game. If I happened to be sitting up, either with both of them or just her and I, then we’d play a card game or sit there and listen to the conversation. Within 20 to 30 minutes they’d all leave and then we’d close the door and go back to bed.

I believe Mom and Son were evicted, probably from too many complaints from us (we’d complained to the management a time or two) and other tenants as well as nonpayment of rent. A single woman moved in with a daughter who was maybe 3 or 4 years old. She had just divorced her abusive husband, and told us to be on the lookout for his vehicle. Never saw it. Only problems we had with her was her daughter running around upstairs or jumping on her bed, but it was only early in the evening; she was well asleep by 9 or 10 PM, when we went to bed. She said the apartment was such a disaster when she moved in; they never went in to clean it. She said she found all sorts of drug paraphernalia, which explained a few things.