First, why I did it. I worked with a very serious uptight guy who was also a profound fuck-up. We were visiting an important client in Los Angeles to demonstrate our company's software.

Winston was an engineer whose job was to show the client our software on an expensive UNIX laptop. The day before the sales call I checked in with Winston to make sure he had everything ready for the next day. He assured me he did.

So we’re meeting with the client and Winston can't get the goddam laptop to boot. The battery is dead and the AC adapter isn't working. Winston gives up and starts showing the customer screen shots in a printed user manual. For a $500,000 opportunity!

I make a few jokes to ease the tension. Then I ask the client, “I'm sorry. Do you have a knife? I want to try something.” I had noticed the AC adapter wasn't plugging into the laptop properly, so I used the knife to trim back the plastic on it. The adapter seated properly and a few moments later the laptop booted.

“Just call me MacGyver,” I said.

Apparently Winston was pretty embarrassed that his engineering degree and fancy title at the company weren't enough to enable him to start a $6000 laptop, but I could do it with a Swiss army knife.

The next day, a Friday, I got a call to come into the office early. I was summoned into the director’s office and informed that Winston had sent a company-wide email complaining about my “unprofessional conduct” with the client. (Apparently it's unprofessional to rescue a half million dollar account.) As a result, I got fired. So did my boss. Winston was a total dick!

The next day, Saturday morning, I went back to the office with my son and my girlfriend, and as luck would have it, my keys and security code still worked. Winston’s coffee cup was in its usual place on his desk, about 1/3 full. I unzipped and pissed in it until it was about 3/4 full. (I knew he sometimes reheated old coffee in his mug, and I hoped and prayed he would do so Monday morning.) I also peed on his keyboard for good measure.

While I did that, my son and girlfriend rearranged the Christmas display in the lobby so the life-sized reindeer were in compromising sexual positions.

Oh, and I also sued the company for wrongful discharge and won.