A couple years ago I had this neighbor who basically had the perfect yard and landscaping. No weeds, flowers looked like magazine photos, and the grass was somehow always the perfect length.

He gave unsolicited advice about my yard all the time. He played it as “being friendly” but the condescension was obvious.

Well it just so happens that one summer, he took his family on a three week vacation. He’d arranged for someone to take care of his perfect yard while he was away.

After a few days, I noticed there was a thistle growing between a bush and his house. The person taking care of his property clearly wasn’t as much of a perfectionist and must not have seen it. This was my chance!

Every morning when I went out to water my flowers, I would make sure that thistle got a nice healthy drink as well. By the end of the second week, the top of the thistle was now the same height as the bush!

About halfway through the 3rd week when I was out watering this now marvelous thistle, I heard a vehicle pull up in his driveway.

Before I could turn around I heard my neighbor’s familiar voice, “Keith what the hell are you doing?!” I froze. He was back early!

I panicked and thought fast. “You uh, see that crazy weed? … I’m trying to drown it for you!”

Fortunately and unfortunately he actually thought I was that stupid because of the poor state of my lawn. He then proceeded to explain to me for the next 30 mins that you can’t drown a weed.

I will say though, I went to bed with a smile on my face that night!