Nerd gets revenge on football hero…..
Keep in mind this was 1985. Photoshop existed in a crude form but NOBODY knew about it and it was not in mainstream usage!
I was somewhat of a nerd in college. I was an early computer geek who started a small company in my dorm room during the mid to late 70s. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were unknown names at the time. Skip forward 10 years….
I’m the owner of a multimillion dollar graphics-related company and I’ve easily made my first million dollars. My classmates from high school decide to hold a 10 year reunion. I graduated from a school that only had about 200 graduating seniors.
As we walk into the initial gathering, the old high school football Captain is greeting everyone at the door. Now….keep in mind this is a guy I NEVER liked! He was good looking, vain, considered himself to be God’s gift to women and he was the guy that every cute girl wanted to date! As we walk through the doorway, Captain Bozo (my name, not his of course) is insulting everyone….well the men, anyway! To me he says, “Hey there…you’ve put on about 20 pounds (true) and that hair is getting kind of gray (also true).”
To the guy behind me it is, “Dude. At least his hair is only turning gray! You’ve lost almost ALL of your hair!”
Captain Bozo married an incredible attractive Mrs. Bozo. She stood by his side and squeezed his arm in cheerful glee as he held court for all those who entered.
As for the revenge portion of this story…
My business was loosely connected to the computer graphics field. At the time we were spending millions of dollars in print advertising in the various computer industry trade journals. As a result, we had our own in-house ad agency. We had an entire room full of high resolution digital flatbed scanners, high-end color laser printers for comping work, etc. For 1985 it was state-of-the-art. We had the ability to produce small-run, limited quantity publications. For this reason, prior to the reunion I had volunteered to put together a class reunion booklet that would be distributed after the reunion to all members. I agreed to also pay for all shipping, handling, and production costs. I did so, because I was the only person in the room who could; A. Do so and B. Afford the cost!
At the time myself and my staff were pioneering the use of digital photo manipulation using Photoshop. It was brand new to the world and we were one of the few organization that knew how to use the product.
One of the classmates was a professional photographer. He took very nice photos of the reunion and turned them over to me for scanning and duplication into a booklet format. As I was scanning the photos I came upon a closeup of Captain Bozo. It was only then that I realized HIS hairline was receding. Not bad…but definitely on the way to full male pattern baldness.
So….I scanned his photo, blew it up a bit, and Photoshopped about one inch of hair off his hairline. It was JUST enough to be noticeable to him (and probably everyone) but not enough to allow anyone to know what happened. Keep in mind! Airbrushing things in and out of photos was NOT a concept that really existed in 1985. The ordinary public did NOT know this was possible!
And to top things off….
One of the high school cheerleaders was a real bitch in high school. She was too good for everyone. She would not give me, or most of the “normal” guys, the time of day. She ended up marrying a Captain Bozo from our school who was several years older than us. By the reunion in 1985 she had gained about 15–20 pounds and her stunning good looks were well on their way to becoming matronly plump!
So…Mrs. Bitchy Cheerleader gets a couple of extra chins ala Photoshop and yours truly! And what about Yours Truly’s photos? Thanks to Photoshop he looked great; no gray hair, no double chin, he lost about 10 digital pounds, etc. LOL
Approximately 200 photo booklets were printed and distributed to class members. At least two of those members were not happy with their photos thanks to Photoshop.
So…where are they now?
Captain Bozo rose to the rank of General Sales Manager at a small car dealership. Today he has NO hair and he weighs about 300 pounds. That is a bit heavy for someone only about 5’11” tall! LOL. His wife is a rather big, matronly woman. It seems General Sales Manager’s at small car dealerships don’t make enough money to buy their wife Botox, filler, and facelifts.
As for Mrs. Bitchy Cheerleader she has not aged well. Those 15–20 pounds she gained in the 80s are now 100+ pounds. Her multiple chins nearly reach to her saggy boobs.
And me you ask? I went on to become a very successful businessman. I’ve lived a charmed life. Because of my success (and a little surgery) I am able to date anyone I like. My girlfriend is a former model who is also down-to-earth, kind, and smart.
The lesson here? ALWAYS treat others the way you would want to be treated! You never know when some little geek might make your life a little more difficult!