I am not a vengeful person but there was an incident many years ago when I moved into a new area. I was enjoying a drink in my new local when a young man approached me and asked me “Are you the dick that's just moved into the flat?” I confirmed that I had moved into the seafront flat a few days previously. He told me to go to the car park so he can “see what I'm made of" I declined his offer stating that I know what I'm made of and have nothing to prove. He prodded me in the chest saying that I was scared of getting my arse kicked. I said that it was quite probable that he could fight better than me but the point is I'm a sneaky b. So what's going to happen is he would hit me, I'd go down on my arse then he should always keep a watch over his shoulder because one day I'll be behind him with a big stick. He walked away and I thought that was the end of it. Unfortunately he was not one to heed a warning and as I left later that evening he was in the car park with a few of his friends. He walked up to me and punched me in the face. It was quite a reasonable punch but as I'm not a good fighter I rode the punch and went down to the ground, he stood over me shouting for me to stand up and fight him. I refused and remained sitting on the ground. He pushed me over and called me names before walking away laughing with his friends. About 3 weeks later I had just walked my girlfriend home and was walking back home when I saw him exit a gate a little way ahead of me and was walking in front of me, I passed a house that had a “for sale” sign on a 2in x 2in post. I pulled the post from the ground and snapped off the sign, running as quietly as possible I closed the distance between us. As I reached him I called his name, he turned to see who had called and I brought the post down on his collar bone. With the look of horror and surprise on his face I said “I told you if you hit me you should always keep looking over your shoulder, you weren't watching were you?” he went to raise his fist but the pain was restricting his arm movement. I walked away and even though he saw me in the pub numerous time he never bothered me. That isn't the end of the story. A few months after the incident I was riding my motorbike home from work and I could see a car ahead pulled to the side of the road with the bonnet raised, I recognised the young man as the person I had the altercation with. I pulled in just in front of his car and asked if he needed a hand. He was a bit shocked to see it was me when id taken my helmet off. After calling me a few unprintable names he asked what it had to do with me. I said what had happened is behind us, having said I would deal out retribution at my convenience I had to carry it through or I'd end up being a punch bag for anyone wanting an easy fight. Time to move on. It was not a good area to leave a car unattended for anything over about 3 minutes in that stretch of road, seriously the people around there should work for F1 pit crew, except they dont put fresh wheels on after taking the existing ones off. I told him that my dad had been a sergeant in the Royal Corps of Transport and I'd been helping him service and repair cars (dad's wages paid the bills the car money paid for our summer holidays) since I was big enough to see over the slam panel when I stood on a milk crate. 5 minutes later his car was running and I was returning to my bike, he shouted to pop into the pub that night and he'd buy me a couple of drinks. The puzzled and shocked looks were absolutely priceless when I walked into the bar and he called me over, put his arm around my shoulder and asked what I was drinking.

Most of the time I can avoid physical confrontation. Where I grew up there were a lot of people that thought themselves tough. I was never coordinated enough to be a good fighter. My brother tried in vain to teach me how to defend myself. I had 3 chances, one was to run, which I was pretty good at, I represented the county for sea cadets at the national cross-country championships. Another option was to get in close and get them to the ground, my brother likened fighting me to wrestling with a spindly spider. Even being over 3 years older than me because I was so wiry and supple he found it a real challenge to get me into a secure hold and with the strength I had in my legs if I managed to get a leg lock on him I could get him into a submission. My final option which got me through most of my school years was to get a reputation as a person to leave alone or grow eyes in the back of your head.