I’m going anonymous on this because its a moment i’m not proud of, but it solved a bullying problem i’d struggled with for years.

I grew up with a really mean, dominating extended family. My aunts and uncles and cousins from my dads side of the family were all incredibly lofty and thought themselves very wonderful. My dad was the black sheep of the family who chose not to participate in most of those family vacations and get togethers. My parents did their best to shield us from that negative atmosphere (without causing any tension or animosity) and taught us to treat everyone with decency and respect. Unfortunately, as I entered my teens, there was one female cousin who was incredibly competitive and would get increasingly rude and mean to me as the years went on. Her parents were split up due to infidelity on her dads part, she’d had a rough time with it to begin with, but my sympathy soon disappeared as I saw how she would manipulate both parents to get exactly what she wanted.

As we both approached our twenties, I struggled with her on a weekly basis. She would make snide remarks about my younger siblings, remark on my thighs and calves as i wasn’t a double 0 like she was, make fun of my parents and belittle any form of success I had. Anything I had, she had to have too. Whether it was a new pair of shoes or a job offer or a new friend. While I talked about her to my parents and tried to understand her negative feelings toward me, I never said a bad word about her to anyone else and always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. It was exhausting and depressing. It felt like I could never be happy or have any decent friends without her ruining it.

When I was 19 I got my first serious boyfriend. Once we split up she beelined for him. Since the relationship was over, I didn’t allow it to bother me too much, but it seemed like a jerky move for her to make. She strung him along for a year before breaking his heart. Two years later I met a guy who i thought was the love of my life. I dated him for year before his behaviour started to get weird and distant. I soon found out that he was cheating on me with her and that she had approached him 6 months into our relationship and told him I had an STD. They were talking and meeting up in secret for months and I had no clue.

I split up with him, and was heartbroken. I attempted to confront her about it. Most people feel shame when confronted with things like this, but not her. She couldn’t have been more proud of herself. She said I was too uptight, that it wasn’t her fault he was attracted to her more than me.

As the months wore on, I struggled to recover, i lost loads of weight, felt very alone and struggled to trust the people around me.

One evening, 3 months after everything came to light, we went over to my grandparents for a family get together. She smugly spoke to my other cousins about how happy she was with my ex and I had to leave the room twice in order to collect myself and avoid bursting into tears.

At the dinner table, I was asked by my grandpa if I was seeing anyone new. Before I could answer my cousin spoke up;

“Oh she’s probably going to have a hard time finding a guy better than her last one. Thanks for the hand-me-down btw…” and she winked at me across the table. It got awkwardly quiet.

Something inside me snapped, and it just came out without me even thinking.

“Yno Eleanor, you are a lot more like your father than i first thought”

The table went dead quiet. Her faced flushed red with shock, she was mortified.

It was a low move for me to compare her to her cheating father. It’s a moment I look back on and struggle with at times because I knew I was better than that. That comment was beneath me, and as i felt the pleasant rush of revenge, it sickened me to know i was capable of such hurtful words. But as I saw my words sink in, I knew they would change her forever, in both good and bad ways.

I feel sorry for her, in a genuine, gut wrenching kind of way. I have mixed feelings about what i said to her that day and often I wonder if i could have done more without stooping to such a level.

But something I learned through that experience is that turning the other cheek sometimes doesn’t get you anywhere, sometimes letting things slide time and time again doesn’t inspire others to treat you with the same kindness and patience.

Sometimes you do need to hit back, and sometimes it need to be a hard smack to the face.

She never talked to me again after that. I don’t think she hates me, but rather, she can’t speak to me out of shame. After years of thinking she was Gods gift to men, she was pulled off her pedestal and made to see just how selfish she had been and how lonely she was in life.

To add insult to injury, my ex ended up cheating on her with someone else… and I fell in love with a man who would never look at another woman but me. i moved on with my life, and it took her years to finally find herself.

These days she is much better, and happier. I hold no resentment towards her, but i don’t miss her presence in my life.