Wow, my first answer on here, and this is what I'm writing about? Here we go….

Please be advised, I have the unique ability to make people want to vomit and laugh at the same time. I think it is a life skill….

I went back home for a funeral back in 2004. While I was home I met up with a friend of mine from my late adolescent years. I always has high hopes for her. She was smart and very beautiful. Growing up she was like my kid sister. Nothing more. Nothing less. Unfortunately she started running with the wrong crowd after I left. And she got involved with drugs. Meth was her choice. She said how she wanted to get straight, but couldn't because she couldn't get away from the area.

I made her an offer. She could come and make a new start where I lived. I offered her a brand new turn key life, where no one would know anything about her unless she told them. I did put a stipulation on things. The stipulation was if she came down and didn't fly right, I would mess her little world up. Wash my hands of her. And would cease to exist in my life.

She moved down. Thing started off fair. I was skeptical.

Two weeks later her convicted child molester boyfriend moved down. I was livid. But I just waited to see in which direction things were going to go bad. This was turning into a Jerry Springer Episode quick.

Of course there was theft. Lying. Breaking and entering throughout the neighborhood. The straw that broke the camels back was my hot wings….

I ordered some hot wings to take with me to work. The bitch and Chester the Molester ate them. Not a problem. Here is where it gets AWESOME!

I ordered more hot wings the next day. I left them in my jeep during a hot Georgia day. Then I put them in my fridge at work. That night I ordered some Habanero powder. And got some diet capsules.

While I'm waiting for the powder to come in, the wings are sitting there in my fridge at work. Getting ripe! The powder comes in and I proceed to take the capsules apart. Dump the good stuff out. Replace with habanero powder. Put pills back together. If you have never done that before, its a VERY tedious task. It took me about a week to do the capsules.

Wings were not ready at the two week mark. Let's give then another week….

About three weeks into it I took everything home. And came up with another random passive aggressive idea as the icing on the cake. After all, I was pissed!

I put the wings in the fridge. And the pills in my bedroom. I then went into there bathroom and urinated in their mouthwash. NOT a lot mind you! I was amazed at the bubbles and foam I created in that little bit of urine I added.

The next day I seen one wing had one bite out of it. I'm not sure if they swallowed that one bite. I'm don't doubt she has any problems swallowing other substances.

Pills were missing but I never heard of any repercussions. What I DID hear every morning and night was them gargling with that mouth wash. And I just laid in bed and laughed until I cried myself to sleep.

Moral of the story? I guess it is don't pass me off…