Oh I have a few good ones.
No1
We were dining with friends. The hosts were celebrating her getting pregnant again. Everyone else at the table had had kids. We hadn’t. At this point, we found ourselves being questioned, quite intensively I felt, about when we would be having kids, why we hadn’t done so and so on.
Just as I was getting ready to snap, my implacable and genius husband responded quietly by saying very pointedly: “Well when we have decided to stop using contraceptives, we will write you a letter and let you know.”
You could have heard a pin drop and we were never questioned again.
No2
This happened to a friend. She was a buxom lady and a very motherly type. She worked in an office with three other ladies, who had become close friends as they had been on the same team for years. They were used to supporting each other through thick and thin.
As it happened, one particular Executive from the Accounting Dept came to see her once a week to get some figures (no email on those days). Unfortunately, as he leaned forward to pick up the document from her table, he grabbed her right breast and pinched the side of it quite hard, cracking a joke, as if this was funny. Apart from the fact that this was excruciatingly painful - there are more nerves around the side of the breast than there are in the centre - she was mortified and outraged. So were her colleagues.
The next time he came around, she tried to stand up to avoid this, but he did the same. That evening her husband said he would come in and punch the man’s lights out, but she said no, she would deal with it once and for all. He asked her what she was going to do. She said she would think of something.
When she came into work the following morning, she told her colleagues she was going to do something drastic, but had no idea what, and asked them if they would support her, just in case he complained to HR. They all said ‘totally - go for it.’
Sure as eggs are eggs, he comes in, and makes a move to pinch her breast again, but this time she was prepared. She grabbed both his hands in hers, put them on both of her breasts and said in a very loud voice ‘There. Are you happy now?”
He went red in the face and more or less ran out of the office. He sent someone else to pick up the figures from then on.
No3
I was standing on a crowded tube one day. You literally could not move. Everyone was holding the ceiling straps and swaying around as it jolted. There were so many of us, that we all moved like we were one physical mass.
All of a sudden, a male hand was held aloft by a female hand and a very loud female voice bellowed into the silence ‘And whose grubby little hand is THIS?’
He tried to snatch it away as everyone stared at him, and at the next station left the tube in a hurry.
No4
This is my favourite. It was in a newspaper. A man wrote in to say he was responding to a previous letter-writer who had experienced the distressing event of being flashed at on the underground train one evening when she was going home late after work. She had clearly been very upset by it and wanted the underground to provide a more vigilant TV monitoring service.
He wrote that he was pleased to have been able to do his bit for women’s lib in just such an incident and that he hoped she might derive some comfort from this. He confessed he was a transvestite and wrote ‘Though I say so myself, I make a very passable woman’ .
He described how he had been seated on the train on his way into town, when he had been approached by a big burly man, who had taken out his penis, saying ‘how about a bit of this?’
‘Whereupon’, the man wrote, ‘I whipped out my own and said ‘AND HOW ABOUT A BIT OF THIS THEN?!’
The flasher fled in terror.
Edit: Thanks to everyone who has viewed and upvoted this. I loathe the fact that we have the pc-police lurking in every area of our lives, and I love the fact that these people threw all that to the winds - and that you agree. lol.