I'm lactose intolerant, but this doesn't stop me from eating things. Usually it takes very little to stop me from eating dairy. I'll continue.

One morning I got up to do my grocery shopping, and, not feeling well (I'm lactose intolerant, I ate something with dairy), I walked to Target because their public bathrooms are usually pristine at this hour. But when I got there, to the bathroom I mean, I was baffled by what was going on. There was a group of women trying on swimsuits they had already purchased and getting ready for the beach, in a Target bathroom of all places. I mean they’re in there washing and primping and preening in this public bathroom. And they were in the largest stall, all three of them, so when I meandered in with my partially full cart, I was unsure of how I'd be able to watch my groceries as I used the bathroom. After waiting for another woman to leave a reasonably sized stall, I went in, nervous. But…

“Oh my god, is someone taking a shit? Why here? Why now?!”

“Oh my god, it smells so bad!”

“I wasn't aware that it was supposed to smell like roses,” I say.