I get what you're saying but apparently some people don't have reading comprehension. What you're saying is that you're wondering if you're overreacting by feeling that it's wrong for your boyfriend to spend time at his ex-wife's house. I don't feel that you're overreacting by being upset.

You're not controlling whether he sees his kids, you're asking that he set appropriate boundaries with his ex-wife. I can't understand why people are thinking that you're trying to control when he sees his kids. He can visit with his children without his ex-wife needing to be there.

I think that you should talk to him and if he brushes off your concerns or continues to spend time in her house under the guise of it being best for the kids then I would reconsider their relationship because he obviously does not respect you or the relationship. That would make it crystal clear to me that he still has emotional ties to his ex-wife whether he wants to admit it or not.

You're not wrong honey, you're just expecting him to set appropriate boundaries and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sorry that all these people are tearing you down. I know exactly how you feel, my now EX refuse to set boundaries with his ex-wife and manipulated the hell out of him and I was tired of suffering for it because he wouldn't grow a backbone and stand up to her.

Instead of going back to court to have the judge enforce the visitation schedule that she was not abiding by, he just lay back and let her walk all over him and I was tired of it. She was constantly texting him about stuff that had nothing to do with their kids and he was allowing it.

The last straw for me was when I found out that she had spent the night in his house. It doesn't matter that he lives with his parents, he could have left after his kids fell asleep and came back before they woke up. There was absolutely no reason for them to spend the night in the house together.

I also told him that I was tired of him allowing his family to undermine our relationship and disrespect me by allowing stuff like that. I found out that his mom actually asked his ex-wife to spend the night. He claimed that he told them that it was inappropriate but I don't know what actually happened because I wasn't there. Either way I'm done. So I understand exactly what you're saying and you're not wrong. Hugs.

Yes. And let me tell you why through my own experience. I had been in a relationship and while it didn’t work out with my ex, she had a daughter who became close to me and started to see me as her father figure from a young age.

You can certainly work things out with the mother if you can both be mature adults about it. If not for either of you, you should both agree do it for the child. Yes, there will be times where you’ll be frustrated with the mother but those will pass.

While you have absolutely no obligation to be there and you don’t have to be there. Let me first say that if you do, it will be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. You will be the person who that child will look up to and learn from. You will get to show that child how to ride a bike for the first time, help them with school, teach he or she to swim, spend Christmases and Easter together, birthday parties, father/daughter dances, theme parks and so many more great fatherly experiences. Seeing the smile, happiness and content in a child as they grow is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling things you can do as a human being.

Let me be clear about something here.

For those reading this part. If you are going to start a relationship with a woman who has a child, you’d better man up, because your life is about to change. For the better. If you are going into this relationship thinking about sex with the mother and that’s all it is to you, then you are a living, walking, breathing caveman fool with no empathy or brain. You will be missing out on something more than just sex or silly boy high school drama games. Kids don’t get it like we adults can and it does effect them if you are flimsy and flaky to the mother. Also a good mother will not let you in if she thinks you are one of those kinds of people. But if you can see past all that, and are willing to give it a chance, this relationship will make you grow and mature as a person and as a man.

I was never married, never had kids before I started my relationship with a woman who had a child. Some men are afraid of this. I was a little at first. But I thought why not. I took the step. And from my own personal experience, It was probably one of the best things I ever did in life.

Now she has grown into an amazing, beautiful, confident, intelligent, focused young women. She sees security, safety, balance and consistency in me. And it makes me proud as a father figure to see her succeed and achieve in life.

I never had my own child with another woman. But I sense I don’t need to and I feel like I have been the luckiest man in the world to have been given this gift and experience from god.

Schizophrenia cannot be “caught.”

Most people with schizophrenia are not violent.

People with schizophrenia, much like other people, can love and cherish children.

At the best, a psychiatric facility can be very isolating. People in it can get lonely.

Either your ex will recover or not. In either case, if he is a danger neither to himself or to others, he will someday have to leave the facility. Reminding him about the outside is a necessity.

If you inform the children that their father has an illness, and that this is neither his fault nor theirs, then you can feel free to let them visit.

In a way, this is like the question about how babies are born. You know the facts, and you can tell them enough to suit their age. Too much information would bore them.

Civil and functional. It doesn't have to be close or friendly.

My son's father and I split because he treated me horribly. I didnt dwell on his behavior and how it made me feel though. I chose to focus on the fact that we're responsible for a child who needs us to raise him and provide him with love and stability. Its also our responsibility to be examples of maturity and cooperation. We always speak to one another with respect and calmly discuss, with the focus on what is best for our son and his future, what he needs us to do for him. That doesn't mean that we don't still push buttons, but we choose to push feelings aside and focus on raising a well balanced, fulfilled young man. I remind my son that his father and I do talk outside of what he sees. We're a united front and we do discuss whats going on with him as far as his behavior and growth.

He apologized for his past behavior and I accepted his apology so there are no lingering feelings of injustice or betrayal. I personally don't believe in child support because I believe we BOTH should be able to care for our son independently in the event something happens to the other parent or their livelihood. That also motivates me to continue to make strides in my career. And it shields my household from unexpected changes just because his Dad decided to make career changes that affect his income.

We don't spend time together outside of our son's events, we don't have conversations about our personal business, we don't call or text one another all hours of the night. We are gracious when plans change and if we can help one another out. I occasionally buy gifts for my son's sister because she's a great kid and she loves unicorns. We have a civil working partnership.

There is a lot of trust at play as well. We don't have a visitation/custody order. His Dad gets him each weekend during the school year and a portion of each vacation. During the Summer vacation he is with me on weekends and with Dad during the week. I dont bother Dad about their plans, what hes eating, or his female companions. I know his Dad wants the best for him as much as I do. He doesn't do it exactly as I do, but that's better for my son to have different experiences. Dads parent differently but that's not a bad thing. I dont drive myself crazy trying to force his Dad to do what I do when my son is with him.

For ten years - ten formative, significant, instrumental years - my father was married to a woman who insisted we were family.

When they broke up, I barely ever saw her again.

Today, I understand the complexities inherent in a contentious divorce. But back then I felt hurt, perplexed, abandoned, betrayed and used.

I felt she had built a relationship with me to be closer to him.

If you were in this kid’s life for seven years, my assumption is that you are an important figure in his life. Even if he already has a dad (I don’t know if this is the case) kids need more people to love them and be there for them, not less.

Mothers need as much support as they can get.

Talk to your ex. Be really clear. “This did not work out between us, but your son is really important to me and I would like to be in his life”.

Then, “I understand being in his life means I will be in yours too, in a different capacity.”

Decide together exactly what being in his life looks like, right down to the logistics. (Evenings together? Weekly visits? Once a month? Once a year?)

Be prepared to keep all the commitments you make, even as your own life changes, as you fall in love with someone else, when you maybe decide to have kids of your own.

You will be building something priceless, both for him and for you. Life is turbulent and unpredictable, and family is often the one thing you can count on.

No doubt. If you were close to the kids, they will miss you, but trying to maintain contact will be destructive in the long run. For one thing, you will be having frequent contact with the ex, which you probably don’t want. There are bound to be disagreements as to HOW you teach them, allow them to do or have things that the ex doesn’t agree with. You should at least be honest with them. Tell them that you enjoyed being in their lives very much, but things have changed, and it would just be uncomfortable to continue as you were.” I would also tell them that if they ever need anything, if there is any emergency they can certainly call you up. And also, you will be around when they are legally an adult and can make their own decisions. If they do call you, be true to your word. Talk to them. But, I think you will find that since you are not around all the time, their contact with you will start to fade out. It is painful, it is sad, but they really will get over it.

If the father has NPD and is not getting help*, you must do what you can to keep them away from him. They will be scarred very deeply and it will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Nobody can hurt a child as much as the very person who is supposed to love, cherish and protect them, but chooses to hurt, disappoint, intimidate them and break them down. So whether it be the father, the grandparents or any other family member with NPD, there’s nothing that makes it right or justifiable. In fact, being related to them will only cause more damage to your children. The closer they get, the more hurt and damage they cause.

You need to ask yourself:

Would you ever willingly send your children to spend time alone with a person who is a very negative influence on them, who will break down their self-confidence and even frighten them into doing and saying exactly what he wants?

Would you send your children to a person who would hurt them to hurt you and to get back at you?

Would you want someone to get your children to start trusting him, promising them things like a holiday together, a new bike, a nice meal, only to pull the carpet from under their feet?

Would you want anyone to pit your children against each other just to enjoy that kind of power over them, getting them to divulge “info” about the other that they would normally not have told this person? He would know what upsets them most, and would do it time and again, laughing at their “over-reaction”.

Would you send your children to someone who would use this knowledge or info to manipulate and use against them? If they are scared of the dark, he’d leave no lights on. If they love a certain game or TV series, he’d make sure they don’t have access to it.

Would you send your children to a person who will find them an inconvenience and may ignore them completely while having friends or girlfriends over, most probably drinking too much and not keeping an eye on them at all?

Would you want any one of your children to feel unloved and worthless because the father would shamelessly favor one child - often just to frustrate or punish the other? And as soon as the “favorite” is feeling too safe or is enjoying this too much, the father will do a 180º turn and favor the other, shattering this child who has no idea what he/she did wrong.

Would you really want to send your children to a person who would never put them first, who will resent having to spend money on them, who will only use them to present a certain front to others? E.g. when trying to win over his next partner, he will become the poor, loving dad whose ex-wife turned the kids against him, who’d do anything for them, who’s missing them every day, but as soon as she is out of sight, or as soon as he realizes she doesn’t really like children, all of this will fly out the window, and his children will simply again become the unpleasant burden they are to him.

You can be 100% sure that the older the children get, the further the emotional abuse will go.

I was forced by law to send my children there every second weekend. It was like sending them right into the lion’s den. If they had to spend two nights and two days there, it usually took at least two days for them to settle down and feel strong enough to go back to school. Especially the youngest, who was more vulnerable. It was awful, and if I had any choice, it would never have happened. I fought tooth and nail, and in the end, our rather basic social services recommended a gradual reintroduction to their father, with a third person present - someone the children trusted.

But their father was a lawyer, he knew how to sway the social workers, he lied about this third (trusted) person, and after ignoring the children for so long, he suddenly insisted on seeing them every second week. Because he knew how that would hurt me. If they refused to get into his car, he would threaten them with the police, even though they were only 6 and 9 years old. He would promise to let them phone me if they couldn’t sleep or were crying, but once they were in his apartment, he refused to let them call me. If the youngest was crying non-stop until day 2, he’d come and drop her off. Most probably because the neighbors would start asking questions, or perhaps because he had a girlfriend over who felt sorry for her.

* Regular therapy that proves he is willing to change - this hardly ever happens, but when it does, it’s usually children or strong enough love that will motivate the person to go for lifelong therapy. But don’t hold your breath. Wait for at least 6 months of therapy before considering that he may be serious about this. And insist on seeing the therapist too, just to make sure he has not taken the therapist or psychologist for a ride.

First you need to understand their motivation. They don’t give a damn about you or the child, and never have. But, they looking down the road to a time when they may need the child to do something for them, so they want to have a relationship with the child when that need arises, because they will go to the child and try to shame the child into doing whatever the father needs the child to do. It’s purely a selfish interest. But right now they see the child as a useless liability that only costs them child support money.

The child will always be better served away from the father’s negative influence, so keep the child away from him as much as possible. That shouldn’t be difficult in the early years, because the father is self-centered and doesn’t want any parental responsibility.

Raise the child to be, think, and live positively. Also teach the child to be wary of negative people!

Good Luck!

Boy oh Boy this is a really tricky question and it is very close to my heart. So on one hand I want to say yes of course BUT at the end of the day we need to think about what is best for the children as well as yourself. Personally I have been in your shoes my ex has 4 children, 1 of which I raised from 5 days old till 9 months, she was my princess. My ex and I had a really terrible split that ended in me getting a restraining order against him…. My biggest fear is what would this mean for me and the relationships that I had formed with his kids. They called me mom and if anyone ever asked who they were they were MINE! So this was not an easy break up for me. I still have a relationship with the kids, however I have nothing to do with their father as he is a monster. The only reason I am able to have this relationship with the kids still is their birth mother, she is the one who realized that the kids were all really attached to me and that it would be in the best interest of the kids to keep a strong female role model in their life rather than making them go through the break up too. It takes a big women to understand how important and other woman is to her kids, and an even bigger women to allow that relationship to continue even though I really have nothing to do with their lives anymore. So bottom line is if it is in the children's best interest for you to stay in their lives then stay, but if it will cause more problems then make a clean break for their sake.

I feel like no one is really understanding your question, sorry. Perhaps it was irrelevant to include the child support bit but I don't think you meant any harm in mentioning it. I am going through the same thing myself with a father who does not see his daughter simply because he has no interest in doing so. He even lived in the same apartment complex as us for years and only chose to see her a couple times a month and for a short while. He knows that he is free to see his child whenever he wants but he simply chooses not to. I assume your situation is similar, not sure why everyone who answered is choosing to blame you for somehow withholding visitation. Did your situation ever improve? I am wondering too if it is better for my kid to see her father very rarely (it's now been a month since he's seen her, he expresses little interest in visiting and when he does he acts like it's a chore) or not at all. A relationship with both parents is ideal but when one parent is absent for much of their lives, does it do more harm than good to drop into their lives whenever they feel like it (which is usually hardly at all)?

First all she will have to allow you to continue the relationship. If she will then set a visitation schedule just like divorced parents do.

My ex and I were together 6 years and had his 3 boys living with us when they were 13, 14 and 15 years old. When we broke up they were 21, 22 and 23. At first I bowed out and stopped calling them because I didn’t want them to be uncomfortable, but the 21 year old called me one day and said that he missed me and just because you aren’t with my Dad doesn’t mean you aren’t still my step mom.

Even later that year when their Dad married, the boys refused to call her their step mom, they call her “Dad’s wife”. Now that they are 27, 28 and 29, we still talk and visit each other. It takes effort but the love I get from them these boys is definitely worth it!

No. Keep children away from narcissistic parents or grandparents. These creatures will turn your own children against you. They will even go out of their way to destroy the tight bond that you have with your children. They enjoy triangulation which is nothing more but drama and confusion in a particular situation that the narcissist initiates. They will even play victim in all of the drama to look like the innocent one. Narcissists see kids as nothing more but pawns who are used in their sick games. The narcissist will push everyone out of their lives including their own children. The only reason why a narcissist mom/dad will want to see the kids is to use this as a hoovering technique over the other parent. I know this is difficult because there are kids involved. Narcissists don’t care to understand that when they create kids from these fake love relationships and marriages that they are conning the wife, the kids, and the in-laws too. Narcissists are frauds and big pretenders that see dating, marriage, and family as fun and games and nothing serious. Narcissists plan to live within the moment and never for the future.

I know you want to stay in this child’s life and I commend you for it.

I would encourage you to have a talk with the child’s mother and see what can be arranged.

It may or may not turn out well. You’d probably hate yourself if you don’t try but if you’re going to commit, commit. Otherwise… Don’t.

For myself, a woman broke up with me and still wanted me involved in her child’s life. I suspect it was a financial decision, as I could afford to buy the child I still think of as my daughter the occasional summer wardrobe and provide some free babysitting and a few luxuries. I didn’t care. I loved that little girl — had been a parent to her from the time she was two years old. Her mother left when the child was seven.

I stayed involved in the child’s life (considered her my daughter) through a somewhat troubled adolescence to an even more troubled young adulthood. My spouse and I even offered her and her boyfriend to live with us to get back on their feet after a terrible tragedy.

During the time they lived with us, my spouse and I at one point wanted to talk to her about some things, and I had commented that we had allowed her to live with us because she was family, but some things where going on where she really wasn’t behaving like family. Her response was, “I have no family.”

After a bit of this and that, and finding out some significant deception going on my spouse and I had a talk and we gave them back the rent money they’ paid us and asked them to please leave.

I cannot say I felt good about that. I lost a child I thought was a daughter, but didn’t see herself that way.

I would have hated myself for not trying to help, but I do wake at night wondering if I really did more harm than good by trying to be a parent to her.

Fathers don’t “visit” their children.

And if the kids live primarily with you, it’s not your house alone. It’s theirs too.

Good parents do everything they can to promote the role of the other parent.

We have strong results from longitudinal research that simply being around and spending time with the “other parent” makes a big difference in kids growing up to be happy and successful. This applies even if the father sits and watches wrestling and makes their lunch late and forgets to pay child support.

Seriously, you’ll “look like a good parent” by welcoming Dad (and Grandma, and yes, even Dad’s new partner when Dad wants her to share in parenting.)

The three basic criteria custody evaluators and judges normally apply when assessing “good parenting” are these:

1. Nurturance. (Keeping the kids well fed, physically and emotionally, and safe, and healthy, and loved.) Nurturance includes promoting other parental figures (the other parent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and new partners) who can add to the nurturing.
2. Teaching. School, yes, but teaching by example the more important lessons about how to get along with others in a kind and caring way. What are you teaching you kids by not promoting their father’s and other relatives’ role in their lives?
3. Co-parenting. Are you doing everything possible to promote and facilitate Dad’s role in care and decision-making and taking responsibility, removing barriers and obstacles, and frequently reminding your kids of the importance of their father and his love for them?

Does he contribute to her childhood? I mean does he buy food, diapers, clothes, and help keep a roof over her head? If so, run some boundaries by him. By boundaries I'm suggesting you tell him:

1. Do not show up tweaked out of your mind. If he does show up really high, he will not be allowed in (if at your place) or you'll leave (if anywhere else). You don't mean he can't have that morning fix, that's what addicts do. But if he's scratching/picking, pacing, and looking out the window constantly, it's better off she doesn't see daddy that way.
2. The FIRST time a meeting is set up and he misses yet is NOT in the ER, there will be repercussions. You decide these, whether it's a week of not seeing her, a month, or if you charge him for his missed appointment like a doctor or therapist, it's your call.
3. There will be ZERO drug use while he's seeing her. No tolerance either. One fuckup here, and it's over!
4. There will be no sales or hussling related to his drugs. Now isn't the time for that bullshit, as it's daughter-time. One fuckup here also ends the agreement.
5. These are just examples! I was in the same boat as you with my son's mom. We were both heavy drug users (I favored heroin and also did lots of meth, she favored meth and also did lots of heroin). We split up when our son was 4. He's 17 now and I've been clean for the past 4 years almost. She has never even tried to sober up. She don't even call him for his birthday and didn't call him this Christmas or New Years. He graduates this year, but she'd have no idea. Even though she's always been a POS like this, she's never been kept from her kid. I only do this for my son. If it were up to me, she wouldn't even exist. She may as well not exist, as she doesn't help with any child support, no clothes, toys/gifts, or food. I still never stopped her from seeing her son. I never want my son to grow up and say “You never let me see mom!” I have always allowed it and he knows it wasn't my fault she's never in his life. I only suggest these “rules & regulations” because if he actually abides by your rules, he really does love his daughter. Then you should let him see her, even if you can't stand him, because it'll really be for your daughter's benefit. Good luck in these hard, nearly impossible, decisions you'll be making as a single mother of your daughter. It's tough, but you're gonna be great!

I'm not a parent, but my youngest brother was 12 when my parents separated.

My Dad was emotionally abusive, he's not narcissistic or a sociopath, but he's been diagnosed with OCPD, and for all I know he has other disorders. My brother was greatly affected by this abuse, to the extent that he was suicidal at 11 and has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

After we moved away, Dad asked if he could send some presents (for the anniversary actually - completely manipulative) to the two brothers that came with my Mom. Although she very much did not want to accept anything from him, she knew she couldn't force her decision on my 12 and 14 year old siblings. So she asked them.

Both of them immediately said they want absolutely no contact with Dad. They actually were a lot angrier than that.

He also tried to get custody at some point, but again, they both completely refused to even allow him visiting rights. They knew he was abusive and they didn't want to let him keep doing that.

My advice would be to ask your son what he thinks. Kids are smart, they can usually tell if someone's bad news or not. If he says no, then there you go, problem solved.

If he says yes, then make sure you're comfortable with the idea. As the adult, you get ultimate veto power. Consider how he treated your son in the past. How he treated other children. How he treated animals. It can be hard, but try to think about things logically, not emotionally.

If you're worried he might hurt your son, whether physically or emotionally, that's a red flag.

See what your parents and close friends think, as long as they know about the situation. They'll be inclined to protect you and your son.

If your son says yes and if you don't think it's a bad idea, you might also consider setting boundaries. I.e., always have the interaction in a public place. Prepare for him not showing up, and you would help your son deal with that. Have a time limit. Make sure your son is comfortable talking to you if he ever feels uncomfortable about something. Make sure he knows he can talk to you about anything. And if ever you notice he starts acting reluctant to go visit your ex, maybe it's time to reevaluate.

I don't have any personal experience with narcissists or sociopaths, but I hope this is somewhat helpful!

I see that you expanded on your previous question.

After one solo visit to our dad once I was off to college, my then-teen brother basically decided he wasn’t going there anymore. There had been a move due to remarriage (and without that move and remarriage my mom and brother would have been homeless due to finances), so it wasn’t quite as easy as driving an hour to get to his place. Our dad didn’t fuss then, but 30 years later is quite irksome about it *to me*, a person who had nothing to do with it.

Our dad continued his neglect, with it culminating in introducing our younger brother as his oldest son. At my wedding. In front of people who knew my brother.

So, my brother made the right call back then. If our mom had brought him to the airport he would have left. If she had put him on the plane he would have gotten off. If he got across the country he would have gotten back on a plane going home. If someone had forced him to be there, he would have sat and read a book the whole visit (which is basically what he did on the one visit, while our dad yelled at our siblings).

So in that sort of situation, listen to your child. Believe them.

And if the other adult has also checked out…well, they’ll neglect the kid anyway.

My son only figured out that what his dad was doing was very very wrong just before he turned 18. He walks a line of wanting to leave the relationship behind but he’s as “pollyanna”ish as I was…very “tomorrow is another day” and “the sun will come out tomorrow” sort of personality. So he gives lots of chances. If he made a decision and told his dad, I would respect that. His dad knows what he’s been up to. But again, my son only realized this just before he became an adult, so I don’t have experience with a younger child doing this.

Here’s a broad outline and some steps.

Establish paternity.

1. This means filing in the state and county where the child lives. Google the phone number of the “county courthouse clerk” for that county. Ask them what forms to file to start a paternity action. Ask where to get them.
2. If you are low income, also ask if there is a form to waive any filing costs.
3. Get the forms.
4. Fill them out. Be 100% truthful. These are court documents, so lying on them is perjury (jail and a big fine).
5. Take the forms back to the clerk. Ask for the help you need, but do what you can. Those clerks are busy, but they are usually very helpful and smart. They can’t give legal advice, but they can tell you what to copy and what to file.
6. Mail a big packet by registered mail to “serve” the documents to your ex.
7. Make a court date.
8. Show up for the court date. Bring whatever you’re supposed to.
9. Tell the judge the truth and what you are asking. Always show everyone respect in court.
10. Follow the judge’s instructions.
11. If the judge orders the DNA test, get the test and wait for the results.

If you turn out to be the father, file for visitation

The steps are pretty much the same. It’s another set of court documents.

You can expect that the court will approve visitation unless someone says you are quite dangerous. If someone says that, the court will decide if it is true. Then different things can happen.

If you turn out to be the father, be prepared to pay child support

While you are filing for visitation, she might be filing for child support. Just be ready and remember that it improves your child’s life. Yes, you write her name on the checks, but it’s child support, not ex-girlfriend support.

In the end,

I hope this information helps.

Take daddy to court, first of all, to establish paternity and child support. This is for your baby’s sake.

Second of all, you can’t force a relationship on the father. Sometimes this is just their first reaction, a panic reaction, and they change their minds once the panic abates. Sometimes they don’t. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because you don’t need someone like that around your child.

Third, be strong! You are a mama now, and single, and it’s tough—take it from one who knows. You need to set the example for your child, and show them as they grow, that it doesn’t matter if the sperm donor isn’t there, because Mom’s love is enough.

Later, when your child starts asking, keep it simple. Say something like, being a parent is a big responsibility, and your father just wasn’t ready to take on the job. He never met you, or he’d have loved you just as much as I do, because you are one awesome kid.

It takes a village to raise a child, I’m sure you’ve heard that before? Befriend the ex, she was stepmom to his daughter for more than half her life, he’s doing a wonderful thing keeping his ex in his daughter’s life because the daughter and stepmom obviously care about one another.

Make sure you are as good a stepmom to that little girl as his ex was, an even better stepmom would be even better. If the daughter feels excluded by you and if the dad feels you are excluding her you could very quickly find yourself as the next ex stepmom.

I’m guessing that you knew he had a daughter going into the relationship with him and she will always remain his baby. The overwhelming love you feel for your baby, he’s felt that for both of them. There are several ex’s who he might still care about because they either gave birth to his child or they were a wonderful step parent to her, get to know her, see what advice she can give you, she knows the daughter and him better than you do. The best case scenario is that you become a big happy family together.

Just to explain why I’m saying this, my parents divorced when I was 4, my dad immediately married a woman who didn’t like us, his children. My mom married a man when I was 8 and he loved us like we were his own children right from the start. I call both dads my dad and loved my stepdad a little more because he chose to parent us even though we weren’t his. I was an adult when my real dad and step mother divorced, I love their child, my half sister with all my heart, she’s my baby sister but her mom is more like a distant aquaintance that I’m friendly when I interact with her but I know she actively excluded us from having a relationship with our dad (and don’t think my dad was any better, he didn’t let people know that he had 3 children from a previous relationship, I found that out when I went as a surprise guest to his 50th birthday party and someone asked me if i was my little sister’s nanny) for most of our lives. Our parents divorce threw us kids and our mom into poverty while her money let them live in Beverly Hills and Pebble Beach and this was in the late 60’s/early 70’s. Going to visit them was like going to visit Disneyland and the memory still stings when as a kid, at a party another kid asked me who my parents were and I pointed to them and said that’s my mom and dad, my step mother overheard me and made a point of saying that she was not my mother because she wasn’t old enough to be my mother (my mom and dad were only a couple of years older than she was. My mom and dad (stepdad) on the other hand, accepted our half siblings like my baby sister and her children into our family. They love her as much as any of us.

All that was just to say, even if you don’t think it’s obvious that you don’t want that daughter around, she’s going to know and if you really do feel that there should only be room in your life for your partner and your baby, and that’s not fair to her, in fact it cruel. You might want to consider she was there before you and your baby, and if the relationship doesn’t work out with her dad, your attitude towards her will always bother her and you’ll be in her mind and those who love her, a not very nice ex step mother.

As one mom to another you know that the boundless love that you feel for your child can extend to her too, don’t you? She needs you to love her just as much as her own mom and dad love her, maybe even more (like her ex step mom does.)

Be the person who she can call mom.

Before we got together my husband was in a relationship with someone and they had twin boys together. I think the relationship ended because she got upset with him, broke up with him, and during the breakup we met and started dating. He could’ve tried to get back with her but he made a choice and they never got back together. She became mad and resentful that he’d walk away from the relationship and tried to make like he was walking away from his kids too. Just because a man doesn’t want to be with a woman does NOT mean that he’s giving up his children. She let it be known she was going to do whatever she needed to make it hard for him to see them. She even said their boys would love her more than him because she’s the mother.

She would only let him see their kids at her house. The kids weren’t allowed at my house at all, not even after we started living together. After we got engaged, she didn’t let him see them for five months. So, my husband took her to court. She was PISSED when she got served. Now my husband has joint physical and legal custody of his kids and she can’t refuse to let him see them.

So the answer is yes, an ex boyfriend can still be involved with his children. It’s better if he doesn’t have to go to court to get his rights as a father recognized. It’s better when Mom and Dad recognize that their kids have the right to know and be with both parents.

I don't think you're serving your daughters best interest by giving her gifts and saying they're from daddy. I have two exes and they're each deadbeats in their own ways. My first ex never bought birthday or Christmas gifts, she said that what she paid in child support was more than enough. For awhile I did what you did, enabled this bad behavior by saying gifts I bought were from her. After a few years I gave that up. I started opening birthday gifts in the morning so the kids knew they were only from me and after she dealt with them asking why she never bought gifts, she started buying them.

When my second split happened I tried really hard to keep things fair and balanced and I talked about EVERYTHING I did with my daughters therapist before I did it. After months I realized that I wasn't helping my daughter I was confusing her. So, I just got honest about things. I realized that my baseline for parenting is honest communication whenever possible and I was doubting my ability as a parent more and more as I just blindly followed the therapists advice. Advice can only guide you as you draw your own map.

When my youngest talks about my ex's mistress who is now her partner I want to say really awful things about her. I used to say 'As long as she's good and kind to you that's all that matters.' Now I say nothing. I just smile at the story and think about other things. That feels more genuine.

I think your relationship with your daughter is what you should focus on. Be honest to a degree, don't enable bad behavior. Let your ex focus on his relationship with his daughter because in the end their relationship is forever and should have very little to do with you.

Are the children YOUR children with another man rather than your ex, or is your ex the father of the children. If he is the children’s father, he definitely would want to see them and he should. If he is not the children’s father, how long was he with you and with the children? He may be very attached to the children even if he is not their biological father, and the children may be very attached to him? Good for him for not abandoning the children. When a breakup happens and a father or step-father disappears from a child’s life, it can be devastating for the child. It sounds like his intentions are to keep a strong relationship with the children. I don’t think his purpose is to torment you. I’m sorry that you are hurt and want him back, but this is not just all about you. Put your children’s wellbeing first and support the relationship between the ex and the children. You may see it as “torment” but the children likely do not.

Is having a great relationship with my daughter's dad who is my ex weird? I have no resentment towards my ex and we actually have a great relationship I am not at all attracted to him or have no desire to ever be together. when we converse I enjoy his company and even enjoy a few laughs together and make sure I keep co-parenting boundaries but I feel like other people might find it strange that we have such a good relationship. I only want what's best for my daughter and having a healthy relationship with her dad is of utmost importance. I would like to add that we are both very good looking people so I'm not sure if that might be why I think people might find our relationship strange. He usually wants to hide our conversations from his girlfriend who he has been dating for years because he wants no problems and wants to keep our conversations a secret from our daughter because he is afraid she might tell his girlfriend. he does not call my daughter directly to my phone and seems to call his mother or my mother in order to talk to our daughter. when we are around each other with his family or mine he seems to be himself but when it comes to his girlfriend knowing we around each other or communicating he does not seem to be himself? is our relationship wrong or strange? how do normal people have relationships with the father/mother of their child? I do not believe or agree with having "secret conversations" especially because it is only about our daughter.

He's unable to bear the responsibility of taking care of u and the baby. Cos the modern economy BARELY facilitates basic biological subsistence for 1 working adult. BARELY. I'm 62 years old and de facto retired. I need only studio flat for me and my wife but I need to get 2 BHK cos some lil cousins aged 35 working 12 hour shifts for 6 days a week barely makes enough money and needs to bubi with me now and then on intervals. These are hard working 35 year olds with kids and businesses.

World economy after 2008 is increasingly in crash mode. So guys and girls are going to be focused less on matters of family , bromance, romance etc and more on cold hard survival.

Ur husband / partner prolly did a calculation as to his wage and increased costs after childbirth and lost his mind.

FIVE of my 28–35 year old cousins said if my family didn't practice Marxist Leninist culture in the household, they would have abandoned their wife's and kids. See I made my surplus in my 20s and 30s in better times. So I have surplus. And in Marx culture when u have surplus and ur cousins, friends etc don't , ur kinda obliged to pick up their bill and I do this which is why my cousins haven't done what ur husband did.

I wish I was ur boyfriends father. I'd offer to keep the baby for 10 years till both u gopniks stabilize in life. I'd be happy if u did in 5 years though 😆.

But to answer ur question, the state of the world economy and it's impact on ur husband / partner is why he behaved the way he did. He needed someone to hold his hand. He can't ask u but he can ask me or my comrades. But that Marx culture is not there in USA homes so it's hard.