Brace yourself.

I caught my ex cheating on me.. twice. Both times, in terrible ways. I did leave him the first time but after months of begging and pleading I allowed him back into my life. Stupid me. I do blame myself, I know I should have continued to walk away but that’s besides the point. That’s not the story I want to talk about.

The first time I caught him cheating we had been together almost 6 years, second time almost 7. (It happened almost exactly 1 year after the first)

After getting back together and being together for just a few months again I found out I was pregnant. I was upset because something deep inside was telling me this was bad- this wasn’t who I should be with much less having a child with. We were still working on our issues together…

I told him, and proceeded to “breakup” with him. I said that I know this isn’t what he wants, nor something that he is ready for and that is okay. I’m ready, willing, and able to do this alone and he could be as involved (or not) as he liked. He said no, although he never wanted to have children he would do this with me.. wouldn’t be an absent father… etc.

I began planning- my lease would be up in about 4 months and while we didn’t live together he spent every night at my place and had a lot of his things there. We had a conversation about moving in together and moving to a different town closer to my family to have help and support. He was zero help- another red flag, I should have known.

Fast forward- we are living together, I am the sole provider. EVERYTHING we both own- I bought and was paying for. (ANOTHER RED FLAG) and I was 5 1/2 months pregnant.

We went on vacation, came home and suddenly I felt I was with someone different. I tried to talk about it and his response was - I’m not acting different, don’t know what you’re talking about.

He was off at work almost an hour away so I was spending time with my sister and something just did NOT feel right. I got the sudden urge to go to his job and I couldn’t explain why. In that moment his mom texted me asking how he was doing since she hadn’t heard from him (he was supposedly visiting family the day before). That made me follow my gut, my sister came with me as she was worried I was pregnant and the stress would be too much.

We sat outside his job for a few minutes when he leaves with a girl as he’s texting me telling me how busy it is and he’ll be stuck late.

I played along, and we followed him as he followed her (HE WAS DRIVING MY CAR!)

We let him arrive and I got out, went to the door, said do whatever it is that you want to do but NOT in my car, with the things I’m working hard to provide for you. I took his cell phone (really my cell phone which I had just upgraded for him a month ago) took the car keys and drove home.

I didn’t hear from him for a week. When I did he attempted to sway me with lies and this time I was not falling for it. I am now 8 months pregnant- he is still with her.. texts me telling me he loves me and will be in the babies life but I know he won’t. I know who and how he is. Very manipulative and will tell everyone what that person needs to hear to make him a good guy.

(EXAMPLE- he texts me telling me nothing in the world will stop him from being there when the baby is born- he has no clue that I know he’s going on vacation with her while I’m in labor. He has no intention of being there and meeting the baby but he’ll never let me know that and frankly, I don’t want someone like that there. I’m happy with him staying away. )

He has bad mouthed me to make himself the victim, so be it. As I said, I’m happy with him staying away, not because of the failed relationship but because as a father he is not a good role model in the slightest, has done nothing to benefit his own life in preparation for being a father, and he has done nothing for my son other then beg me for an abortion.

I don’t want someone like that in my sons life and that’s what keeps me going. My son. He is what I’m living for and I obviously only want the absolute best for him! I’m single and pregnant, soon single with a newborn. This is immensely hard to do alone- emotionally hard.

There is obviously so much left out of this story but none the less it feels great to get this off my chest!