I really miss my ex-girlfriend’s 2 year old daughter. She's currently mad at me and won't let me see her. What can I do when I loved that little girl like my own?

Question

Zoltan Newberry · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately for you, that adorable 2 year old comes with a Mother.

You need to let go. They are a unit, inseparable.

ChatGPT · Answer

It sounds like you're in a difficult and emotional situation. Here are some steps you can take to address your feelings and improve the situation:
1. Respect Boundaries: If your ex-girlfriend is currently upset with you, it's important to respect her boundaries. Pressuring her may only worsen the situation.
2. Communicate Openly: When the time feels right, try to have an open and honest conversation with your ex. Express your feelings about her daughter and your desire to maintain a relationship with her. Acknowledge her feelings and concerns.
3. Show Understanding: Demonstrating that you understand why she might be upset can help rebuild trust. Empathy can go a long way in mending relationships.
4. Be Patient: Healing takes time. Allow her space to process her feelings, and be patient. Rebuilding trust may take time, but consistent, respectful communication can help.
5. Find Common Ground: If possible, focus on the interests of the child. Suggest ways you could be involved in her life that align with what’s best for her, such as attending events or activities where the child is present.
6. Consider Professional Help: If the situation is particularly complex or if there are significant emotional barriers, seeking the help of a therapist or counselor could provide guidance on how to navigate your feelings and the situation.
7. Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to reflect on your feelings for the child and what it means for you. Understanding your emotions can help you communicate them better.
8. Stay Positive: Focus on the positive memories you have with her. This can help you cope with the current situation while you work toward a resolution.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to prioritize the well-being of the child and respect your ex-girlfriend's feelings.

Anonymous · Answer

Are they divorced ?

If not, the ex-wife will manipulate all she can, as she ha children with him. Plus, a year apart is not a long time. There is long period of time till both can start talking amicably with each other, but one will harbour resentment, the ex-wife may now be aware her ex hubbie is a good catch and reluctant to let you sink your teeth into him. Believe me, I have experienced it personally myself.

When a man says he has split up from his wife, and there are children involved,. Take a step back and let him sort his shit out.

Protect yourself first.

Yes, you both may be totally attracted to each other and love being together when you can, but the other side of his brain is still dealing with the ex-wife and children. There is a Bond that is very strong and believe me the ex-wife knows it.

Sorry, but it's the truth.

What I do now, when a guy tells me he is interested in me . I ask a few questions and that gives me enough of an insight as to whether he's really just looking for a “gap filler” while he and his ex-wife are working thru marital crap.

Be selective Lady !

Susan Blake · Answer

I can empathize with your situation—I know how it is to become attached to a child. However, if you don’t think that you’re likely to be getting back together with her mother on a permanent basis, then it isn’t fair to the little girl to try to maintain a relationship with her if you’re no longer dating her mom because the mother seems pretty unstable and immature; it’s likely that you and the mother will eventually fall out, if not now, then later.

I base my judgment of the mother on the simple fact that the kid is only 2, and your ex-girlfriend not only isn’t with the child’s biological fathe

I base my judgment of the mother on the simple fact that the kid is only 2, and your ex-girlfriend not only isn’t with the child’s biological father, she’s already broken up with his replacement, i.e., you! This woman seems to go through men like boxes of See’s candy.

This little girl is probably destined to witness a parade of men go through her life—don’t make it more difficult for her. You’re the adult.

Sandra Akesson · Answer

She shouldn’t let you see her. She’s only 2 years old and will forget you. If you continue to see her and then later meet someone new and start a family, you are not going to stay in her life. By then she will remember you and feel abandoned.

Bill Giandurco · Answer

Move on… if there is no further relationship with the mother youll only cause complications & heart ache down the road. I bet you can imagine some bad scenarios 3–6 months on & not to mention her mom getting a new boyfriend thrown into the mix.

Ameer Gittens · Answer

Don’t give up—but don’t press. If you and your bf advance to marriage, you will become a fixture in the life of his 2-year-old that his ex cannot ignore.

It might be painful, but the best course for you is to become an inert component in the conflict. Stand your ground, but don’t advance or withdraw. Refrain from adding to the animosity and it should become increasingly difficult for the ex to maintain it. Eventually, the resistance will (probably) wane, and your presence will become accepted. Even if only grudgingly, that would be good enough.

That said, the ex can only keep the father away from the child for so long. If she continues to resist, he can take her to court to secure visitation—and he should. This advice assumes that your bf has documentation sufficient to prove that he is, and has been supporting the child. In that case, you’re bound to have access to the child which you will use to gently disprove any anti-you slander with which the child may have been seeded. All of this will take time—possibly years—so don’t go into it expecting scheduled, or instant results.

All of the foregoing is, of course, assuming that you are not the reason that the “ex” has her prefix. If you do hold the ungainly title of “home wrecker,“ you can expect the hatred to last possibly for a long as you know her, but your prescribed course of action is the same.

Cathy Buchanan · Answer

That must have been quite a question, Darius. But since you didn’t tell us what the question was, we really can’t tell you how to proceed.

All I can tell you is that a solid marriage would not fall apart because of one “honest question”. So I suspect your marriage was already in deep trouble. Your question was either deeply offensive to your wife, or had already been asked and answered so many times that she decided she never wanted to hear it again.

Perhaps your question made her think you were doubting her fidelity, or your daughter’s paternity? Perhaps she got tired of answering that one “honest question” and not being believed? You say it was one question, but you don’t say how often you’ve asked it.

Love 4 ALL · Answer

I don’t mean any disrespect but it sounds to me like you’re spending a lot of time and energy on a situation that you don’t have all the information to. Are there two children or 1? Doesn’t matter…. You’re being duped baby. He’s probably still married. Decide how you want to spend your time.

Anonymous · Answer

Go to Friend of the Court, file for both child support AND visitation rights. See it through to the end. Pay your child support, visit your child as the court stipulates.

Child support and visitation orders are NOT punishments. They are to ensure that child has the funding they need and the parenting time they need. They are to ensure one party cannot play silly buggers with their child’s rights to both their parents.

You and your ex cannot get along. You need the court to help you both set up parenting time in a manner that is fair to your child. NO I dont give a rats ragged rectum about YOUR rights or the other parents rights and neither does the court. They care about the child’s rights.

Lana Gorokhav · Answer

Let’s get real here. You're missing your ex while you've got the girl you always wanted? First off, that's a signal—one you need to pay attention to.

Why do you miss and care about your ex? Simple: You’re human and your past isn’t as cleanly wiped away as you’d like to think. Relationships, especially meaningful ones, leave a mark. It’s like a heavyweight fight. Even if you win, you take some hits, you feel the bruises, the sweat, and the adrenaline afterward. That's your past relationship - it's part of your emotional DNA now.

Your ex represents a part of your life that’s gone but not forgotten. You invested time, energy, and emotions. Maybe there were highs that felt invincible, which now seem distant and irreplaceable. The mind plays tricks, glamorizing the past, amplifying it even, especially when there’s a comparison at hand.

But let’s clear something up: Missing what was doesn’t mean undermining what you have now. You’ve got the girl you always wanted? That’s something millions only dream of and never achieve. You’re living a dream you once craved—appreciate that.

Why do you care about your ex? You’ve got unresolved feelings. Maybe there are loose ends, unspoken words, or a lack of closure. It’s not about wanting them back; it’s about understanding they were a significant chapter in your life’s book, one that helped shape you.

Here's the deal: Stop living in the past’s shadow. Engage with your present. The girl you “always wanted” is here. She’s your now. Pour your energy into understanding why you dreamed of being with her. Focus on building, creating, and nurturing that relationship. Don’t sabotage your present because of tangled feelings from a previous chapter.

You’ve got to cut the noise. Every time your mind drifts back to your ex, remind yourself of what’s in front of you. Practice gratitude. Remember why you wanted this girl so bad in the first place. Dive deep into your current relationship. Create new memories, new highs, new experiences.

Also, realize this: It’s okay to care. It’s okay to feel. But don’t let those feelings control you. Channel them. Use them to fuel your determination to make your current relationship the best it can be. You're in a prime position; don’t waste it.

You’re not weak for missing someone. You’re human. But strength isn’t defined by the absence of feelings—it's defined by the actions you take despite them. Be decisive, be present, and be the partner your dream girl deserves.

Remember this: You’re a man. You forge your destiny, you shape your reality. Take control of your mind. Focus on the here and now. Build a future that outshines your past. That’s where true power lies. Own it.

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Jo Ashfaq · Answer

Funny how wonderful we are at surrogate parenting until we are instantly deemed “ unfit” by someone who’s mad and vindictive. Not much you can do I’m sorry I know this is painful. Move on be a great man and find a wonderful girl to love , appreciate her every day and she’ll stick with you and have children with you. The good news is : the female dating pool is so much deeper these days and soon you’ll find a keeper.

Anonymous · Answer

Short answer: Move on. That is all that you have to do.

Long answer: It is easier said than done. I am telling you from some personal ex-perience. Moving on is the toughest thing to do. Let me tell you what I did.

Some background: I was head over heels in love. It had been three years of relationship. For last one and a half years we had spent every available free moment together. We worked in the same city but could not meet during the week due to odd work timings. However, like all other love stuck people, we were always on call. On weekends, we spent the entire day together. We rarely visited our families or friends because we wanted as much as possible of “us” time. All was good, in fact perfect. Her parents were ready for our marriage. It took me eight months of convincing, but finally by parents also understood that she was the one for me. And then, when life seemed to be a bliss, then it happened. We broke up. I will not tell the reason. But it happened.

And that was the thing I had never expected. Suddenly everything changed. It was as if someone shoved loneliness down my throat. Now, I had after office hours vacant. They were still manageable. The things that I dreaded was the weekends. I preferred to slog in the office than just lie alone in my bed and stare at the roof during the weekends and keep thinking about her. Suddenly, the dream trading job that gave me adrenaline rush every morning was now just a desk. I felt nothing, ate nothing. I had already distant myself from my friends. So I talked to nobody. I would try to sleep for hours, but manage to just lie awake and think why? Why with me? What have I done? They say you go through five stages of grief. But I think the first four hit me together.

Those were the lowest times of my life. I did not like anything. I would convince myself of moving on, but go back to thinking about her. I would wake up midnight and just couldn’t sleep. On several days I would have to force feed myself so that I don’t feel sick. I lost a lot of weight. I would try to block her memories every second day as now even the good ones were haunting me. I wanted the pain and the suffering to stop. But it never did. This continued not for a few days but for almost 6 months. And then I realized that I had to do something otherwise I would destroy my life and in the process hurt my family. It was not an epiphany but gradual acceptance.

“Everything is a matter of choice and priorities.” 
I decided that I had to make a choice between my life on one hand and the hope of getting her back on the other. Trust me, it was not an easy decision. It required a lot of determination to make that decision and implement it.

Moving on: As I have already mentioned, this is one of the toughest things to do. Whatever I did, her thoughts would crawl their back in. Somehow, I had to stop thinking about her. That became my primary target. And to do that I had to keep myself occupied. This is all what I did to keep busy.

Travel: First thing. Resigned. Took a 40% cut in salary and joined a job in a different city. Before joining that company, took break for a month and travelled alone for a month. I visited Gujarat, West Bengal, and Goa in India and spent 10 days backpacking in Thailand. The experience was exhilarating. Often I would just stroll on a beach for hours looking at the water. Or just spend the day on a shack with a book. I would always travel by public transport and interact with locals. I met some fellow travelers who are still my friends. Most of them had such interesting stories to tell that I would just spend hours listening to them. I also met a 64 years Australian divorcee who asked me to marry her and look after her farm and sick father back home. She told me that she had come in search for a husband and if I obliged she would not have to look any further.

Reconnected with family: “When there is no-one, then there is family.” I started visiting my parent every month. Every 2-3 months, I would take a week off and spend the entire week with them. Trust me they loved it more than I did. Initially I started doing it to keep myself busy. But during the process, I started enjoying. I started calling them daily. I had been out of home since class sixth. So we never connected much. But now, my parents and sisters became my friends.

Reunited with oldfriends: During the relationship I had hardly talked to my friends. Gradually the connection and communication had ended. I made a list of all my friends. I made it a point to call each of my friends at least once a month. The initial conversations were awkward. But slowly everything was OK. Now most of us meet every other weekend and have a blast.

Learn something new: All said and done. Still I had vacant weekends. And still a lot them. So I decided to register to some weekend course to pass time. I joined French classes and toastmasters. Every weekend about 6 hours of my time would go there. Most of the time I had pending assignments from the classes that would consume some of my time.

Picked up a hobby: I was always interested in cooking. At home I would fight with my sister on who would make the meals for the entire family (we both would first send our mother out of the kitchen). But slowly it had taken a back-seat. I hardly cooked once in 2-3 months. I decided to aggressively pursue back my hobby. I decided to learn new cuisines. Most of the times I would end up cooking for 2-3 hours per day for 3-4 days a week. As I liked cooking, I would be completely lost in it. During that time her thought would rarely enter my mind.

So this is almost all I did to move on. Next month will be 2 years of our breakup. I cannot say that I have completely moved on. Her thought still lingers on. But I think that will always be the case. You cannot forget someone if you loved that deeply. But the pain has subsided. My days have become fun and not just bearable.

My advice to you: You already know what you want to do. Concentrate on your career. But don’t waste six months like I did. Keep yourself occupied. Hangout with friends. Pick up a hobby. Travel. Read. Visit distant relatives. Play FIFA. Or work harder. Spend a lot of time in office. You must have a bucket list. Something you would like to do. Just pick up a thing and do it.

It will never be easy. If it is, then you love was not true. The process is gradual. When you will do things, you would certainly remember her. But even if you get through a few hour without thinking about her, then it’s a great start. Start small. Just concentrate on small things and everything will be fine. Only one sincere request. Don’t procrastinate. START NOW.

One last suggestion: Cut all ties with her. The longer you stay in touch, the tougher it will be to move on. Eventually someday you will have to stop talking to her, why not start now.

Anonymous · Answer

Your only chance is to make up with the ex girlfriend. You have no other options. If you really love the child as your own daughter, dealing day to day with a committed relationship with the child’s mother really won’t be that tough.

George Reyes · Answer

There’s nothing you can do. She’s not your child. Don’t take it personally.

Anonymous · Answer

A year into relationship is pretty good time for you to begin meeting his family, which may become your family.

However other than his former spouse hating you, she may want more certainty you won’t be just a person that is comes into daughters life, and then leaves for whatever: That should be understandable.

Just the same, he has visitation rights, and she has no veto to who he can introduce his children. It’s his call, and I suggest you have a talk with boyfriend.

USMC 0311 Vietnam Jan69-Jan70

Bob Bridgman · Answer

Looking at the boyfriend; he has a two year old daughter but has had you in his life for a year. That implies the daughter was an infant when mom and dad split up. So for starters mom has no real regard for baby daddy. And you come into the picture soon after baby birth date. I'd speculate she's not wanting to get past this stage. Since you haven't seen the kid I guess baby daddy may not have any custody rights and maybe restricted visitation privileges. So is he doing his best as a financial and emotional provider? You need to be the best background person while mom and dad figure out how to parent.

FyrStrike · Answer

Yes. And let me tell you why through my own experience. I had been in a relationship and while it didn’t work out with my ex, she had a daughter who became close to me and started to see me as her father figure from a young age.

You can certainly work things out with the mother if you can both be mature adults about it. If not for either of you, you should both agree do it for the child. Yes, there will be times where you’ll be frustrated with the mother but those will pass.

While you have absolutely no obligation to be there and you don’t have to be there. Let me first say that if you do, it will be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. You will be the person who that child will look up to and learn from. You will get to show that child how to ride a bike for the first time, help them with school, teach he or she to swim, spend Christmases and Easter together, birthday parties, father/daughter dances, theme parks and so many more great fatherly experiences. Seeing the smile, happiness and content in a child as they grow is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling things you can do as a human being.

Let me be clear about something here.

For those reading this part. If you are going to start a relationship with a woman who has a child, you’d better man up, because your life is about to change. For the better. If you are going into this relationship thinking about sex with the mother and that’s all it is to you, then you are a living, walking, breathing caveman fool with no empathy or brain. You will be missing out on something more than just sex or silly boy high school drama games. Kids don’t get it like we adults can and it does effect them if you are flimsy and flaky to the mother. Also a good mother will not let you in if she thinks you are one of those kinds of people. But if you can see past all that, and are willing to give it a chance, this relationship will make you grow and mature as a person and as a man.

I was never married, never had kids before I started my relationship with a woman who had a child. Some men are afraid of this. I was a little at first. But I thought why not. I took the step. And from my own personal experience, It was probably one of the best things I ever did in life.

Now she has grown into an amazing, beautiful, confident, intelligent, focused young women. She sees security, safety, balance and consistency in me. And it makes me proud as a father figure to see her succeed and achieve in life.

I never had my own child with another woman. But I sense I don’t need to and I feel like I have been the luckiest man in the world to have been given this gift and experience from god.

Alex Kojfman · Answer

First off, be clear if you actually miss her or miss the idea of her. Truth be told it doesn't sound like you really know her now since you haven't had much contact with her in 5 years. If you do decide that you want to give it a shot and tell her how you feel, that's great, but again make sure it's something you really want, and not some fantasy. Worst thing is to try to involve someone into your life when you really don't want them, or not sure of what YOU want.

Now a personal story. 
I went out on a date with a woman three times in early 2009. We decided it wasn't for us. I told her it was nice hanging out with her, she understood. She wasn't into me either per say. About 5 months later she messages me and said she wanted to be friends. I said cool. Over the years we were friends. Maybe casual acquaintances. I got into a 3.5 year relationship. She dated a few people, but nothing serious.

I got out of said relationship in 2013. In an effort to connect with friends and rebuild or remind myself who I was I was open to meeting old friends and acquaintances from across the US while I was traveling.

She happened to like a photo of me and my niece on facebook and I said "well i'm going to new york why not ask her for a cup of coffee..."

We met up for coffee and caught up. It was nice. I didn't think anything of it. 
Well I'm sure you can guess the end of this story. 
I'm still single. Just kidding. Long story short: I married her.

After my New York city visit, I went back to living overseas. She came to visit me for a week about 4 months later.
 Turns out she always had a thing for me, thinking i was this great guy that got away. At the end of her visit she asked me to come to LA where she will be living after she was done her residency.
 I said no. I was not in the place to start a new relationship or not really up for that sort of thing. My previous relationship made me a little hesitant to get into another one. But I thought about it for about a month. And told her I'd come visit her (after I went to visit my niece/family.) I told her during that visit that after careful thinking I didn't want my past to dictate my future so I was willing to give it a shot. I'd come out to LA to date her and see where it went. Keep in mind we had exchanged several emails and skyped a lot since her visit and most importantly we exchanged values lists. REalizing she was someone with similar values and I realized I had both an attraction and desire, share values and a penchant for taking a chance I decided to go.

We dated for about 10 months and now we are married.

The point is, you'll never know if you don't try. Go for it. Life is short so why not? And what's the worst that can happen? She rejects you. Good, at least you tried. You live, you learn, you learn to love again.

good luck.

Dushka Zapata · Answer

For ten years - ten formative, significant, instrumental years - my father was married to a woman who insisted we were family.

When they broke up, I barely ever saw her again.

Today, I understand the complexities inherent in a contentious divorce. But back then I felt hurt, perplexed, abandoned, betrayed and used.

I felt she had built a relationship with me to be closer to him.

If you were in this kid’s life for seven years, my assumption is that you are an important figure in his life. Even if he already has a dad (I don’t know if this is the case) kids need more people to love them and be there for them, not less.

Mothers need as much support as they can get.

Talk to your ex. Be really clear. “This did not work out between us, but your son is really important to me and I would like to be in his life”.

Then, “I understand being in his life means I will be in yours too, in a different capacity.”

Decide together exactly what being in his life looks like, right down to the logistics. (Evenings together? Weekly visits? Once a month? Once a year?)

Be prepared to keep all the commitments you make, even as your own life changes, as you fall in love with someone else, when you maybe decide to have kids of your own.

You will be building something priceless, both for him and for you. Life is turbulent and unpredictable, and family is often the one thing you can count on.