During one of my industrial internships, I had a colleague (let’s call him X). X was what one would typically call, a fawner. A suck-up. And an asshole of the highest order.

X was a contractor. I was an engineer. X felt threatened. So X went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable. X would be condescending (it didn’t help that everyone at that company was senior to me).

So, after 1.5 months of tolerating crap, I was HELL-BENT on unleashing HELL on X. All I desired was a suitable opportunity……

And that opportunity came to me one fine Wednesday afternoon. I was printing some documents on A2 sheets and needed to cut off the white blank edges of the papers. So I take my sheets and go to the guillotine (or a paper cutter, in simpler terms).

X saunters round to where I am working and then casually asks me:

X: “Do you know how to use a guillotine? Have you used one before?”

Me (trying to be nice): “Yes. But could you please show me once nevertheless?”

X (smirks and passes a rather nasty look to my colleagues): “Well it’s easy. You put your fingers through the end and pull the blade…”

Me (in a flash of brilliance): “That’s REALLY nice, but I’d rather use your acrimonious tongue than my hands to do the trial run.”

All the while, steadfastly meeting his gaze, while maintaining a sincere, effusive smile.

The whole office burst into laughter, amidst shouts and jabs of “HE GOT YOU!”, “THAT WAS STUNNING”, “OMFG! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?” etc.

X took off early that afternoon and took the remaining two days off. Thankfully, he behaved professionally during the remaining time of my internship.

Passive-aggressive? More like aggressive-aggressive!