⁷My father gave me this advice shortly after I got married to the love of my life. He knew a thing or three about lifelong love: when my mother passed away, they had just celebrated their 63rd anniversary.
I was working long hours and feeling put-upon when I would come home to my wife needing help with the housework and the baby. She didn't come right out and accuse me of slacking, but I felt the suspicions. I was lamenting to my Dad that I just wanted a 50-50 split, thinking, in my naivete that would be an egalitarian solution.
He nodded and in his own no-nonsense way, gave me the sagest piece of life's wisdom. There is no such thing as a 50-50 split. Things will always be unequal between partners. Some days you will be called on to give more because your wife needs more help, but the scales always tip back and next week you may need her support. At times, you may be called on to give 100%, or you may need her complete support because you have nothing left to give.
Here's the important part: if you are not willing to accept this temporarily unequal state of affairs, then you shouldn't be married. If you don't love your wife enough to put her happiness and wellbeing above your own, then you don't deserve it when she does that for you.
My Dad's been gone for seven years now, but by following his advice, my wife and I have been married for 44 years. We have 3 sons and 3 grandchildren. As we've aged, my Dad's advice has been even more pertinent. In the past year we each had to undergo heart surgery. I had a quadruple bypass, necessitating a lengthy stay in bed. My wife was a trooper! She did everything for me until I could get up and move around on my own. Then, 7 months later, she had a pacemaker implanted and I got to return the favor.
In both cases, the one being cared for felt worse about needing so much help than imposed upon to help the other. And that's what a marriage should be. Thanks, Pop.
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