A guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him, "Nice perfume.....which one is it?...I want to gift it to my wife.. .!!"

Lady: 'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her...!'

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A linguistics professor lecturing a class says: "There are many languages where a double negation in the sentence makes it a positive sentence, but there is no language in the entire world where you see a double positive turn a sentence negative..."

Quick came a reply from the back of the class, "Yeah, right."

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David Letterman (To charlie sheen) : Do you want to return to Two and a Half Men?
Charlie Sheen : Yes
David Letterman : But you were DEAD in the show.
Charlie Sheen : But so is the show.

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iT HURTS :p