You say, “I’m sorry for our quarrel. I apologize. I’d like for us to be friends again.” You say nothing about “you had a part in the quarrel, too” or “you were wrong when….”

If this is a good person, they will say, “It was part my fault, too. I apologize to you.” Then you suggest you go for coffee (or whatever the equivalent is where you live) or to hang out. Then the friendship resumes. Or, the person might say, “I accept your apology” and take no blame for their part. Your goal is to resume the friendship, so you say, “I’m glad you accept it. Let’s go for coffee this afternoon.”

The contact with the person MUST contain an apology from you. If it was TOTALLY your fault, you say that. “I’m sorry for our quarrel. I apologize. It was all my fault, and I’m sorry. I’d like for us to be friends again.”

Forget listing reasons! This is a terrible idea!! This is “finger pointing” bcs I’m sure some of the “reasons” will be something your friend did wrong. This will make them angry again. That is not your goal. Remember: do NOT mention your friend’s part in the quarrel. If you do, the quarrel will start again. And then the friendship will be done forever.

AND…you must identify what went wrong, what your part in it was, and don’t do that again. With this person or anyone else.

Be aware that the friendship will not be what it was before. Expect it to be less close. MAYBE the friendship will grow strong enough to grow back to being -close- what it was, but it will never be the same.

Meanwhile, develop some new friends. love, Mom

It would sure help if we knew your approx age.

Look IME writing is less likely to be as effective as a face to face discussion.

Hate to tell you OP, but it's going to appear cowardly.

There's nothing wrong with writing something like: “hey I miss talking to you. Can I buy you a cuppa coffee? I'd like to explain some things. I'd really appreciate it and I bet we can reset any misconceptions. Are you free tomorrow around lunch time?

Taking the time to look your friend in the eye, to say “I'm sorry” and/or “I feel terrible. . .” Just can't be accomplished with a letter.

It takes guts to do this in person — but, it sure says a lot about you, all positive.

I am 17 years old. I am best friends(not used loosely) with this guy for the past two years. I've probably spent 60–70% of the time talking/chatting/attending classes together.

No time to tell you how close we were during those two years but yeah I could receive a call from him at 4 in the morning and that would sill be business as usual for us.

So two straight guys, best friends for life(used loosely), acting as a support system for those two tiresome pre college years.

We were both preparing for our college applications, but he was attempting to get into a medical college while I was going for an engineering institute. So I remember one day after I had gotten an admit from the college where I really wanted to go and he was still worryigly awaiting his admits we were taunting each other like we would normally do. I am not sure how the conversation took a turn and I ended up saying something on the lines of “Atleast, I don't have to wait anymore to get into college, unlike you.”

Well, I am not an asshole by personality that was a shitty move especially when I knew that he was really tensed about getting an admit after having studied his ass off just like me. He took it pretty hard and I must've touched a nerve there for he stomped out of my house without saying anything. I thought at first that he'll be fine and will be soon back to our normal ways. But he did not reply to any of my texts for an entire day. Calls were disconnected and those were the only to means of communication I had back then. Then, later during that night I receive a text from him, after my umpteenth attempt to reach him over phone, saying that we should probably call it quits on our friendship.

I did a lot of contemplating that night, called up another friend of mine and recited the entire story while crying like a baby for I thought I was never going to get my friend to talk to me again.

Just to remind you guys again that we both are pretty straight guys, it was just that I am really extreme when it comes to being emotional.

So, this other friend is super freaked and asks me if he should talk with my friend and try to make peace between the two of us even though the two of them do no know each other at all. I have a pretty exclusive group of friends. :)

Itold him it wouldn't make sense for the two of them to talk anyway. And then he told me that I should just apologize for being an asshole and if the two of you really ever cared for one another, you'll be fine.

Now I am a guy. I might cry like a baby who has been told that Santa isn't real but God foebid I've never apologised or confronted after a fight ever in my life before. I had said the casual 'I am sorries' for whenever I've bumped into someone or broken a glassware, but never apologised for a broken heart. But there wasnt anything else that I could do and I could really afford to lose one of my three friends so I go over to his house next day.

Said sorry, cried again, embarrassed myself but got my friend back.

That is what you need to do. If you think that you are at fault for the falling out with your friend, go over and apoloise. If you are not, then make sure that you are ready to accept a sincere apology. If the two of you ever really cared for each other, you'll find a way to get back together. Of course if depends on the reason of the falling out, but a sincere apology goes a long way in fixing broken relationships.

As far as what happened with my friend and myself, well while we may only call one another once or twice a year, given he moved to a different continent, but even then those two calls we have every year are not awkward and we pick up from right where we left off at.

This has actually happened to me like twice with my best friend. Both times I thought I was going to lose her. What I did was just be honest.

It may feel weird to talk about what happened between you two, especially if y'all never talked like that before but there are other ways to do it if face-to-face is too much for you.

You can text your friend or write them a letter. Explain to them how you don't want to lose them and that you're sorry for what happened (assuming it is you who needs to be sorry) or if its them that needs to be sorry explain how their actions made you feel and why.

Since y'all are best friends more than likely they want to continue being friends as well only that they may not know how to go about things either and this is where you become the bigger person and step forward.

I really do hope this answer helped. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to send me a message or ask another question. Good luck

Let me tell you something about friendship .

There are three types of people in our lives…

People in our life are like parts of a tree. We have the leaves, branches and the roots . Some people are like leaves on a tree, when the wind blows they go with it. When the seasons change they change. They’re like the temporary friendships, a summer fling or connection, like leaves, they're beautiful in the beginning but eventually they fall away. When we think of this, we can remember the people that were leaves in our own lives. We can appreciate the lessons they brought, we can have gratitude for the moments, and detach from any pain they caused. They helped us grow at that time.

The second type of people in our life are like branches, you have to be careful with these, because they can often fool you. They'll make you think that they're a good friend. They're really strong, and they're there for you. But the minute you step out on them, they can break and fall. we've all had people who say to us “you can depend on me.” “I'm always there for you.” “I'm just one call away.” But when you follow up with those promises, you find that they were hollow. In our own lives we know moments where we've been branches to others, and had branches in our lives. Often, we may have promised a lot, and not been able to live up to it, because of our own shortcomings, and the same is true for others. This allows us the opportunity to become more honest with ourselves and more honest with the people around us. We need to surround ourselves with people who contribute to our overall emotional, mental, physical well-being.

Then the third type of person are those that are like the roots. People who are like roots of a tree, a permanent. Friendships who go through everything. Go through hell and back and grow from it. And still stand strong as friends worth keeping. A good friend knows all your best stories, a best friend has been through them with you. A tree in its lifetime can have millions of leaves, hundreds of thousands of branches, but a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything that it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them. But the rest of it, be okay to let it go. Reflect on this, who is a leaf, a branch or a root your life, and to who you are a leaf a branch or a root? And remember, you cannot change the people around you. But can change the people who choose to be around.

Dear XYZ,

I realize you don't have me now and you don't want to have anything to do with me or our friendship anymore. I accept that.

But before I go away for good, there are some things I really need to say. I'm not gonna go away bitter or mad, I'm just gonna let it go and cherish the friendship that we had.

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but please hear me out. I don't know where to start so I’ll start with this; I’m really upset that our friendship is gone and it made me miserable for the past couple of months.

I just want to say I'm sincerely sorry for putting you through my angry/frustration. I know I made it seem like your fault, but it was never your fault, I was lying to myself and it was easier to blame you than to realise that.

Our friendship is too valuable to me to end over this. To find another friend like you would be impossible, you’re caring, patient, funny... I can go on and on, and it doesn't feel right without you anymore.

I didn't mean for things to be like this and wish I could take everything back to when we were close friends, I know I can't but I can show you that this will never happen again and I'm still the guy you trusted and thought of as your best friend.

I keep apologising because I’ve been completely in the wrong to be so inconsiderate and act like I have, I wasn't the friend I should have been but I don't want to lose you because I think you're worth holding on to, I don't know why, but whenever I had a bad day, or week you always made me feel better, you were one of the few who could do that.

I hope you forgive me :)

Your friend,

ABC.

Firstly he/she is your friend !

Do you need any excuses or reasons to talk to a friend? Anyways, one of the best ways I usually do is that I simply talk about a random thing. I mean there shouldn't be any signs that show you are talking after a fight.

Maybe something like this.

After all the fighting and arguments are over.

Friend 1: Dude, do you know what happened yesterday?

Friend 2 : *turns his face to the other side*

Friend 1: You don't know what happened yesterday? Really?

Friend 2: * he is confused * No.(blunty)

Friend 1: Seriously! You don't know what happened yesterday? My God! Are you even from this planet?

Friend 2: No, I'm from Mars! I've come here to kill you!

Friend 1: That's sad! You didn't know what happened?

Friend 2: *curses* What the hell happened yesterday?

Friend 1 : I don't know man ! That's why I'm asking you in the first place.

Friend 2 : ( I think you know what would have happened then)

You can do this with anything but it should be totally different from what you were quarrelling about. It works out most of the time because he/she is our friend no matter how much we are angry with each other we end up forgiving them. Humour always works!

Hope this helps!

WHEN I was 20yrs old my bestfriend and I have a serious argument we fight because I date my ex bf and she didnt like him for me as he saw that the guy is no good for me. SO ofcourse as a gf I defend my ex that time and thats when we started lost the friendship. I told her I supported her when she got pregnant with his guy even I hate it and I felt alone because she is the only friend I have. I said to her that she should support me for my happiness too.

We never talk for a year and we have same attitude and we have a strong ego so I break it and say HI to her in messenger.

later on she appologized to me about what she did as her reason “she is not matured enough” during that time and I accepted it because I love my best friend. And now we are in good terms and the friendship we have getting stronger even we have our own life, we are far dustance because she work abroad and me just started my career but we still have contacts on facebook. Our friendship started 2010 during our high school days.

Precious people in our lives are more than our blood related they are more than that.

So to you if you think your friend is more than a sister or brother or she feels the same way continue the friendship.. whatever it takes show her you love her and you are always there for her to listen and slowly she will trust you again..

Ashwani has given the required answer. I would like to add to it.

Quarrels are inevitable in any relationship because no two persons are alike. But how both of you deal with it is what matters.

So, as for your part, you can directly talk it out with your friend. Be completely honest when talking it out. Let all your feelings come out and ask the other person to do the same. Keep no hard feelings against each other. Take them all out. Want to play the blame game? Play it, but in front of each other, not in your mind at each others' back. But also keep calm and listen to each others' perspectives and try to understand the situation being in each others' shoes as well.

If both of you do so, I believe it will be sorted. Don't wait for the other person to start. You take the initiative. You are at no loss in doing so. But also see through the situation that the other person participates well too. Give him or her time if he/she needs it. Don't fall prey to falsehoods. Do your part and wait for the other person to do so.

At times when you come together after such quarrels and little fights, your bond becomes stronger than ever before. Hope the same happens with you too.

Good Luck!

This happened between me and my ex-best friend. We used to be super close until I realized we had an extremely abusive relationship. It got to the point where she tried to convince me that she was the only one of my friends that cared about me. We drifted. One day, she sent me an extremely manipulative message on Facebook trying to guilt-trip me into being her friend and apologizing. I didn’t give in because I spent the six years of our friendship bending over backward for her while she took advantage of my kindness and compassion, used me as a lab rat for her little “lying experiments” (she liked to research psychological manipulation techniques and would practice them on me without telling me until much later, and this happened multiple times), never listened to me or cared about what I had to say, and criticized everything about me, from my looks to my personality to my work.

So yeah, don’t do that. And do not expect to return to being friends if you really hurt her.

Im a very communicative person and wherever I go,i make friends.This year I changed school for hight school.I made a friend,Katherine.Katherine and i were best friends and had lots of moments together. Around Christmas Katherine and i had a friend,Lisa.Lisa did something awful to me and so we didn't talk and we always fought. Lisa was crying when I was hanging out with Katherine.She even said to Katherine that if she talks to me Lisa and Katherine wouldn't be friends anymore. She did and other threats also. All of my friends were there for Lisa when she was crying and all the stuff. Lisa just got too much attention.I stopped hanging out with Katherine for awhile,so that her friendship with Lisa will be okay.But I was all alone.I talked to Katherine about it and we all did something to help.Everything's okay now but.. Katherine changed.In the start of the school year, she was a shy innocent girl that i had manny commons with.After my fight with Lisa she changed.She started hanging out with the popular girls,the open girls, and became a lot like them.I talked to her again. During the breaks I was all alone. I had friends,but not like her.And i have friends, real friends but we can't keep much in touch because we are in different schools.I don't know if Katherine is much a real friend now. I explained to her and i also cryed. She hugged me and said "I will be there for you okay? Even if I hang out with others" I believed her.When she fought with someone or she was feeling sad,i was there for her.I made her find her smile again.But what did she do for me?I need her now and where is she?Its hard to make real friends.i can't belive a person like me became so lonely.I feel unloved from every side. Friends and family. I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. What should i do...?

Same Case as mine buddy…hahaha,

Ya definitely, as you said she is your best friend, so it is obvious that you worried about her, and I guess you are always there for her whenever she need someone to talk, and right now she is not talking with you.

So you can do one thing just ask her that she is hurt by any of your action, If she says yes than Apologies to her, make smile on her face with giving gift her most favorite thing, like chocolate or something else.

But If she is not hurt by you than give her a treat of food or chocolate make her happy and then try to talk with her.

And together you can fix her problems.

You just answered your question. Sometimes we have relationships that we have to move on from. If the feeling of the other persons investment in your friendship is not reciprocated you are not being valued. You stated that it is up to you to make the first move. So if you don't make the first move does that mean it will continue until you make the first move. That is all well and fine if you are the one who is always the problem. However, if you really feel you are not it's time for the talk:

Every time we have a falling out its up to me to make the first move. Are you perfectly fine if we never talk again. Are you okay with us never being friends again. Then you sit and listen, just listen until the very end. Maybe it can be resolved right there or maybe you need to sleep on it. If you do maybe you'll know your value and move on .

Good luck!

It sounds like you care for your friend a lot. It’s upsetting to feel ignored especially by someone you consider to be your best friend. The quarrel probably made matters worse. Honestly, it’s a mark of what a great friend you are that you’re putting in so much effort to fix the issue. However, it’s hard to know from the question alone what group you’re talking about and all the little details that go into the situation, so I’m going to simply attempt to address the natural hurt that a friend would feel from being ignored.

In relationships the most important thing is clear communication. The ability to express yourself and what you’re feeling is fundamental for the friendship to continue. It sounds like this is someone you like spending time with and talking to. So perhaps the best method is as follows. Tell them exactly how you feel. Is that something you’re willing to do? To tell them that you enjoy spending time with them and feel hurt from what seems like a greater interest in other people than you. Would they be willing to set aside some time the upcoming week to hang out?

A message like this requires caution. It requires your personal understanding of your friend. Only you - because you know your friend so well and because it’s your relationship - can possibly figure out exactly how to give this message in a manner that doesn’t hurt your depressed friend and doesn’t cause them to become defensive. As a friend you’re trying to support them on their journey upward through their depression. Being the great friend that you are, I’m sure that you want to encourage them and are willing to make sacrifices as part of that journey. Perhaps a good part of your message to include, would be your willingness to support their being a part of a group that helps them feel better.

Wanting them to spend more time with you and with the group aren’t in conflict. You’re not asking them to completely give up their time with that group nor are you asking them to spend all their time with you. If I’m understanding correctly you’re asking them, “Hey, I enjoy spending time with you, and I feel a hurt because it seems like you’re spending more time with the group than me. I have no problem with you spending time with them, in fact, since I know you enjoy it I support it. But I was wondering if we could we set up some time this week to hang out also?” Good luck

How can you lose your self-respect when trying to patch things up with your best friend?

It is your best friend that we are talking about... I think even he/she must be in dilemma as to how to start talking to you again and resolve the matter. Trust me when I say this, your best friend will be, like you,waiting for the right time and thinking for the right way to do it... Many a times, we lose contact just because of this self-respect (popularly known as 'ego').

So, stop overthinking about it and go talk to him/her. If he/she considered you his/her best friend, there will be no hurt, and you both will be happy. Clear things up.. Take the initiative.. Won't hurt you in any way...

Just go up to that person, and talk like you guys did... Ask him/her what is wrong.. Discuss and come to a conclusion.. Starting the conversation does not mean that you were wrong.. It just means you care enough to get him/her back after the quarrel/fight..

You will feel good after you both patch things up!!

All the best.. :)

The best way to solve any fight is Communication.

Mostly the reason of fights are misunderstanding or ego clashes. There comes some circumstances when you haven't expected something from your best friend but they don't give a damn.

Hold on.. You have that key.. Communication.

Calm down and think first, whose mistake was there.

I can give you my example, one day I had a fight with my best friend because of some stupid reason. He argued and left me at a place. That hurted me and I started crying. He was not aware of that. I went back to him, and as usual he was busy in his work. But then I started talking and told him all about I felt. As he knows me more than I know myself, he understood and felt sorry for what he did. I also apologized for that stupid fight because I started first. And then ever after we had millions of fights but we are there for each other ever and forever.

So, Talk to them and just resolve it.. Because more gaps means more differences and that means losing that bond between both.

If you mean write a letter, I know exactly what to tell you.

You just know.

It's not a what-should-I-write matter, it's a how-should-I-write-it deal. I've once mailed a letter to a best friend because they mentioned, “I've always appreciated letters. Especially compared to text messages. One written paragraph says way more than a text message can.”

I wanted to make him happy in the same way he made me happy. So, I told him I would write him one. I had started writing one but crumbled up 5 letters until one morning, when I jumped up and started writing the perfect letter.

Keep in mind this was a year ago, so my memory has faded on this one, but I'll try my best to repeat it:

Dear (we'll call him J. best friend),

I decided to handwrite this instead of the old-fashioned typewriter. And in all truth, I'm writing this because I want to tell you what you truly mean to me. It's too difficult to say directly to you, so here it goes.

As my best friend, my guardian angel, my (our version of “bff” we had for each other), you have made me the luckiest girl on Earth. Not everyone is so blessed to have someone to lean on, have a shoulder to cry on, laugh with and have extremely deep conversations with. You build me up when I'm low, you make me laugh when I really need it; but you also rely on me for that same happiness, which no one seems to look to me for. People are so shallow and only pay attention to my appearance, then they'll just talk to me for other reasons than connect with me like you have.

Thank you so much just for existing, honestly, so I thank your parents and God for you. I hope you always live a life full of joy and love.

Sincerely, (nickname he has for me)

That's what I think is pretty close to what I wrote. If you click on that blue link “best friend,” you'll understand that I am forced to not talk to him. But his friendship alone fuels my every breath, I don't care how long, if never, that I can talk to him again. He's made me the person I am today. I'd write ten trillion more letters for him if I could.

Be as much informal you can but be real. Make sure everything you tell is true and you mean it. You should tell her how you feel- I know, it’s hard to explain in words when you are hurt, But what matters the most is you realized your mistake. Doesn’t matter what you write or not. What matters is: If you actually understood what you did was wrong and actually feeling guilty about it.

We make a lot of mistakes. We have a lot of fights but along with these we become what we should be. Always try to learn from what you did. If it’s something good, do it again. If it’s something bad, never do it again. This is how life works…
And Don’t worry, I am sure your best friend will accept your apology. Good Luck!

PS. Thanks for caring about your best friend. Whoever it is must be really lucky to have you as a best friend! <33

I would say:

1. Accept responsibility for hurting the other person's feelings.
2. Don't be defensive. If you want to repair your relationship with your friend, then don't press whatever points you were trying to make.
3. Don't accuse, blame or pass judgments. This is what triggered the quarrel in the first place. Holier than thou attitudes add fuel to existing fires.
4. Don't try to make your friend feel guilty. It's okay to say that the quarrel upset you, cost you sleep, made you unhappy or so on, but don't say that if your friend doesn't forgive you, you will harm yourself, be harmed permanently or cause others harm.
5. Specifically ask for forgiveness. If you don't, either you will confuse your friend about the reason for your contact or you will come across like you're trying to feel better at your friend's expense.
6. Offer a gesture of goodwill. If you caused damage, offer to pay for it plus a little extra. The extra is your investment in the relationship, because you owe your friend compensation to the point that they are back to the position they were in before your behavior that caused the damage.