Upper class status is rarely “screamed” in Italy.
This is because very often a family has been upper class (or “alta borghesia”, in Italian) for several generations, and members do not need to show a newly acquired social position.
In this context, wealth and influence is taken for granted, and showing it other than in a subtle and understated manner is generally frowned upon.
Secondly, especially in the North of Italy, rich aristocratic families were the target of kidnappings for ransom in the seventies and early eighties: this led them to adopt a very low profile, sometimes bordering with pauperism, that somehow still endures today.
On the other hand, upper class families who have lost much of their wealth, try to conceal this with the tacit complicity of their richer fellows (who may well talk about it behind their backs, but never in front of them).
That said these are, in my opinion, some distinctive traits of upper class people in Italy.
Accent
In most cases, members of the upper class retain their regional accent, but with a distinct “smoothness” to it (at least to the trained ear).
If you speak Italian, listen to industrialist Giovanni Agnelli and comedian Luciana Litizzetto (both from Turin) and you’ll notice the difference between an uber-upper class accent and a middle class one.
Attire
Mostly tailored and no logo, but with excellent choice of fabrics and perfect lines. Some pretty restrained luxury brands (Ferrragamo, Hermes, just to name a couple) are more accepted than flashier others.
In my city, for example, upper and upper middle class used to shop for clothes at an establishment that was located on the first floor of a residential building in the center. It had no streetfront windows and was only advertised by a tag on the interphone. It sold Italian and British apparel, mostly private label, save for Church’s shoes and few other very selected brands like Drumhor. Summer jobs as a shop assistants were reserved to the sons and daughters of the best clients, and it was not infrequent to be served by the son of a count or the daughter of the CEO of some important company.
Some very old money people love to wear their preferred garments to the point of consumption, and make a boast of it. At some weddings I have met young people convincingly bragging that the morning suit they were wearing belonged to their beloved grandfathers. Of course it is to remember that their ancestors wore frocks when yours toiled in the fields.
well, some are more restrained than others…
Attitude towards money
Never mention how much you earn, how much you are worth, how much you paid for something. Money is never discussed, except for something that is considered awfully expensive and vulgar or low value.
Education and Careers
If you do not manage the family business or holdings, you are a third or fourth generation lawyer, public notary, chartered accountant or doctor.
Working as an employee is socially acceptable only if you are a manager or director in certain companies, typically very old insitutions founded by some fourth degree cousin of your mother or great grand auncle of your father.
You either went to some expensive private prep school or to a public liceo in the city center, close to where you live.
Most often you attended public university in your city (Law, Economics, Engineering), with the exception of Bocconi in Milan or Luiss in Rome. In younger generations, you probably completed your education abroad.
Some artsy types take some kind of humanity studies and run a fashion business or an art gallery.
Years ago military career or being a magistrate was also an option, especialy if your ancestors had prominent careers in those sectors.
your great great great grandfather, the first notary of your family
Sports
If you live in the North you are more likely to enjoy skiing (ski mountaineering, rather than alpine ski, which is seen a bit as a fad for the nouveau riche) and hiking. Sailing in summer and maybe golf, rowing or horse riding.
like granpa in his prime
Cars
Difficult to tell if you are upper class or not from the car you are driving, because I know truly upper class people driving small Fiats and other Maseratis.
Generally speaking:
Mercedes: for rich butchers and gipsies
BMW: too flashy
Audi: I’d say a popular (pun intended) choice
French cars: forget about it
Japanese cars: like the French
Fiat/Alfa/Lancia: you probably own at least one to go around the city
Porsche: another favourite for the most dynamic (I’m talking about the one and only 911, the Cayenne is for rich plumbers and dodgy entrepreneurs always on the verge of bakruptcy)
Jaguar: okay if it’s pre-nineties
Land Rover: popular choice, because “è molto British” (it is very British, meaning cool)
Tesla: you are eccentric and a little bit nuts, but it is accepted because you save on fuel
Ferrari: if you own it, you don’t tell and keep it as far away as possible from the place you usually live, like a very beautiful mistress
Lamborghini: like Ferrari, but even more embarassing (think of a tart, rather than the beautiful mistress).
perfect to roam the streets of your city unnoticed. This one allegedly belonged to Gianni Agnelli
Properties
You normally live in a large apartment or house in the city center.
You may casually mention “la casa al mare” (house by the sea), “la casa in montagna” (house by the mountains) or “la casa in campagna” (country house).
Only after a long time you know your interlocutor, you may casually let slip that that these houses are in impossibily beautiful places like Portofino, Capri, Courmayeur or Cortina, and that the country house is a mansion your family held for generations.
Some also have one or two pied-à-terre in Monaco, London or Paris.
“…yeah… we have a sort of place by the sea, but it’s an old restored farmhouse in the hills of Liguria…”
EDIT: many thanks to the readers and the upvoters
It just sprang to my mind that you can find a very funny and rather accurate portrayal of an upper class lady in Paolo Virzi’s film La pazza gioia (Like Crazy - Like Crazy (2016 film) - Wikipedia). The character of Beatrice Morandini Valdirana is played beautifully by Valeria Bruni Tedeschi (who really had a very upper class upbringing). There is also a cameo of Valeria Bruni Tedeschi’s real life mother, playing Beatrice Morandini’s mother, who speaks in a very natural upper class accent.