This isn’t exactly *horrible* but it’s hilarious.

I was living with a boyfriend at the time, and had agreed to drive him to work early every morning, so he wouldn’t have to deal with parking or public transit. Needless to say, the relationship wasn’t going incredibly well. I was feeling pretty grumpy one particular day, waking up early when my own job started much later in the morning. But, I poured my coffee into a travel mug and off we went.

I had to stop at the bank, which was right on the way, to deposit a check. He waited in the car.

When I got back to the car and closed the door, I was hit with a vile odor of intermingled farts and coffee. I was not happy. “You couldn’t just roll down the window??” (This was in California— there was no excuse to not air the car out.) Combined with the multitudinous additional inconsiderations in our life together, this put my over the edge. Here I was, chauffeuring his ass to work, and he didn’t even have the decency to air out his rank gas from the vehicle and save me from a turning stomach so early in the morn?

We got on the road, arguing. We were stopped at a red left-turn light. When it turned green, I floored it. Immediately, a cop pulls me over.

Great, I thought, here’s what I get for losing my cool.

The officer approached the vehicle, looked directly at my boyfriend in the passenger seat and said, “Sir, you were not wearing your seatbelt just now. I’m afraid I’m going to have to write you a ticket.” He got a $100 ticket for not wearing his seatbelt.

The officer mentioned nothing about my behavior, which I suppose wasn’t as bad as I thought, but had at least drawn attention to my criminal passenger!

When the officer left, I laughed. I laughed. So. Hard.

That’s what you get for hotboxing the car with your fart.