I live in NY but am from London and was back in Surrey briefly whilst working up in town. I arrived for the early train at the local suburban station.

As I queued for my ticket, bleary-eyed and staring down at my phone, I suddenly had ring side seats for the boldest push-in of my 33 years on this earth. A tall, thin, slightly red-in-the-face gentleman in an ill-fitting suit assumed the position in front of me, unabashed by the now tense situation he'd created. Needless to say this didn't thrill me, as at that time in the morning everyone is in a bit of a hurry and generally doesn't suffer fools who interrupt their routine.

I looked around to the bloke behind me to exchange a 'is he serious?' look. He obliged. I turned back to our new queuing neighbour and politely said:

"Scuse me mate, I think the queue starts back there". Now...what he said next wouldn't have been so shocking but for his demeanour. Think the bastard child of Gareth out of British office

and Luke Chadwick.

"Yeah?" He awkwardly points to the BACK of his head "you see that?" (To which I felt like saying "no, your facing me", but didn't want to spoil his delivery) "that's the back of my head, and you'd better get used to it, because I'm here now!". Verbatim, seriously.

And let me remind you, this wasn't Harlem or Hackney, this was Coulsdon South! As I stood, aghast, he turned around and shuffled forwards. The only option I had to take things further at that point would have been physical, and that's not really my thing. So, half smiling at the bizarreness of the situation, half pissed-off, I watched him get to the front of the queue.

At this point, as he stood at the ticket machine, I am not sure if the chaps in charge of Karma were looking down thinking 'nah, we can't let that one go', but his train (which was not my train) began to pull in.

To my intense, inner satisfaction he went to pieces. Clearly the three Shredded Wheat (and five cans of Monster) he'd had for breakfast weren't helping now. I seized the opportunity and strode forward to reinstate some focus to the transaction. Asking him which station he needed to go to and even pressing one of the buttons for him.

Whilst I tried, he never looked me in the eye as he dashed off. He made the train.

Morally, it was a knock out.