Actually I’ve done this several times. When somebody does me wrong I sign them up for the Live Animal of the Month Club.

What’s that? It’s like a magazine subscription but involves live animals. Once a month a live animal is delivered to the subscriber, usually early in the morning and left on the front porch. In some cases more than one animal is involved.

For instance, at Easter the recipient might get a crate of baby chickens or ducks. Sometimes a half-dozen cute little rabbits.

In June, last year, they delivered cows. They were all very old cows, no more milk, many were skinny, but loved to crop down on their new owner’s lawn before their lucky new friend came out for the morning paper to find ‘em.

Puppies and kitties are always popular in August and September. Just one puppy or kitten? No. Sorry. At least half a dozen.

One year goats were distributed in November although normally baby turkeys are preferred.

One of my favorite was the time they delivered baby pigs to everyone. A tiny baby pig is cute as the proverbial button, but quickly grows into a near 500 pound somewhat aggressive animal.

That’s the best revenge I could ever think of (or have done).

“Hi, we’re your new pet pigs.”