Disclaimer: I am no longer the young person I was when I did this.

So back in 1998 or so I was living in an apartment complex in Lancaster, PA. I had just moved away from my Mormon family who was devastated that I wouldn’t drink any more of the Joseph Smith (Con-man)) Kool-aid ™. I was enjoying living with my super immature GF who still came home and snuggled with her STUPID Talking Winnie the Pooh bear (which I later microwaved, keep that quiet, I never told her).

So she moved out. Then one day as the weather turned wintery, it started to snow pretty well. I had two cars at the time and they were around the corner of my building in the lot. As the snow got around 6″–10″deep it finally quit. I went out and like my neighbors, I was shovelling out the spaces where the cars were.

Once they were all cleared. I put them back. By this time it was getting darker and I needed some grub. So I got in the car and went out. I came back to see my neighbors car in my space. She was a middle-aged larger woman who lived on the same side as me. So I just knocked and asked if she would give me space back. She proudly informed me that there were no assigned spaces in the lot. So it’s first to come first steal as it were.

I was able to dig out another space a few down and parked there for the night. The next afternoon my friend was up visiting. I told him what happened and he thought it was pretty crappy and then I thought to myself. “She really wanted that space, who am I to deny her the spot and all that it contained?”

So we decided to replace the snow that was removed and then some (pro-rated for loss from melting). We cleared out 4 other spaces and put the snow all around the car and even rammed it underneath, careful not to damage the car at all (We may be jerks but we still respect property). I’m talking snowplough forcing it under all 4 sides (all while singing Dirty Deeds by AC/DC). The neighbours saw what we were doing and were laughing like crazy. Plus we were shovelling out their spots, so it was a community service (as Jesus would do).

We then brought out buckets of water and dumped it all over the car. It froze quite nicely. So in this parking lot, you saw a minor amount of snow in a few spaces and this vehicular ice sculpture compacted into the white lot lines.

All witnesses swore they didn't see a thing which was neighbourly. The next day I came out to see her and two maintenance men trying to free the car from the space. They couldn’t budge it.

I later got a call from the main office from a lovely older lady named Marsha. She asked if I could stop in. So I grinned and walked up to see her. As I walked in smiling, she looked back with the same look and was holding back laughter and let me know that there are no assigned spaces in the lot. I told her that I agree and that I thought it’d be selfish of me to keep the snow that was in it to myself, so I simply put it back. She also told me that I was being accused of breaking her car antenna. It was broken for as long as I could remember, it was an old 80’s Dodge/Chrysler New Yorker/Dynasty. So she didn’t pursue it.

When the car was finally removed 2 days later, the shape of the undercarriage was imprinted in the ice it was sitting on. It was all the way under. So essentially, We put the car on an ice shelf when ramming snow underneath.

She didn’t take my space anymore (come to think of it, no one did). We didn’t talk either. So, two problems solved.

So that’s my story of revenge. Not something I do anymore. I end up using a missile when an arrow would suffice.