There have been multiple people who have taken advantage of my generosity and kind nature over the years. Some of these people totally deserved revenge for the things they did.

For example, in high school, I was hanging out with a group of “friends” one day after school. We used to smoke a lot of pot together, and eventually I got the suspicion that they were stealing from me. So, that day, I kept my money and pot in my pockets, rather than my purse. I assumed there was nothing in my purse worth stealing.

Fast forward to the next morning: Everyone at home wakes up around the same time. We’re all getting our bearings and my grandfather scolded me for forgetting to lock the front door. He goes back into his bedroom as I’m thinking to myself, “I could have sworn I locked it!” Within seconds, the house is in a frenzy. The safe he kept right next to his bed had vanished. Most of the contents were replaceable, but not my dead Grandmother’s wedding ring.

Naturally, I knew exactly who took it, and I can’t even find the words to describe how guilty I felt. Those dirtbags stole my house key off my keychain the day before, snuck into my grandfather’s room while he was sleeping, and took off.

Maybe a year or two later, I bumped into one of the kids at a party, and he tried to apologize/feign innocence/blame the others. Thinking back, he was obviously more naive than me to think I’d actually forgive him. But I told him it was water under the bridge and he believed me. The ring was long gone, and this was my best shot at getting revenge. Soon after, he reached out to see if I could get him a good deal on the weed he wanted to buy for an upcoming camping trip. He told me he had $400 to spend, and as Julia Roberts would say: “Big mistake. Huge!”

He got $400 worth of lettuce and leaves. But was that really revenge? I mean, I still didn’t have the ring. I barely had my dignity after fake-accepting the apology. I’d stooped right down to (or maybe even beneath) his level.

It took a longer time than I’d like to admit for me to stop hanging out with dirtbags. Finally though, I just cut ties with all the negative influences around me. I didn’t blame them for my unfortunate circumstances, it’s just that I knew they would impede my ability to improve as a person. The last person was really hard to shake: My ex-boyfriend/best friend who also happens to be my neighbor. He got really nasty when he realized I was phasing him out. But I continued going about my business and working on myself. After a few months, my life had improved 10x over, and I was the happiest I’d been in almost 10 years. The whole time though, I would hear the horrible things he was saying about me from mutual acquaintances and people around the neighborhood. It came to a point where I couldn’t stand quietly on my own porch for 10 minutes to wait for my ride to work, because someone always had to spill the latest gossip. That was really the last straw for me. I’d been trying to ignore it and hold my head up and rise above that petty nonsense, but at a certain point it wasn’t just “gossip” anymore. I felt bullied and harassed, and he was really trying to discredit my character.

So, I typed up a carefully-worded Facebook post that pretty much said “I know what you’ve been saying, and even though it’s all BS, you have my blessing to continue running your mouth because it obviously brings you joy, and your life is sad.” I really didn’t want to have to go there - I felt like it was petty and like I’d stooped to someone’s level once again. But, misery loves company and the fact that I was doing well genuinely pissed him off enough to try and derail me. Within minutes he responded, denying that he ever spoke about me to anyone, and asked that I take the post down. I gave him a piece of my mind, but I took it down and haven’t heard “gossip” since.

In hindsight, I no longer feel bad about the post, and I don’t consider it to be revenge. It was more like standing up to a bully. My real revenge was leaving him to feel bitter as I continue to do better. So, in essence, I really think it’s true that focusing on yourself and fulfilling your personal definition of success is the best revenge you can get on a person like that (I forget how the actual adage goes).

For the most part, I no longer wish bad on those who’ve wronged me because I’m too busy hustling. But I understand the feeling of wanting to see them suffer, and those feelings being totally justified. In the specific cases I mentioned, karma eventually came around and gave those people exactly what they deserved…

EDIT 11/19/18: (…Maybe more. I mean, the kind of revenge that I wouldn’t even have wished on them to begin with, let alone carry out.) The biggest POS in the group of kids who robbed me eventually developed a raging heroin habit and burned bridges with everyone and everything he knew until he was finally deported back to Brazil, where he continues to battle his addiction. My ex? His life is filled to the brim with turmoil (personal/family illnesses, addictions, poverty) and that doesn’t make me feel good. What makes makes me feel good are the good things in my life, not the bad things in the lives’ of my enemies.

Reveng is a really funny thing. I still don’t know if I actually got mine, or if I just didn’t have to. (Is it still considered revenge, even if it’s not even your doing?)

But what good, if any, could be salvaged from the betrayals I’d endured? Some scars are just permanent - like losing the ring. Can something like that ever be replaced just for the sake of learning a valuable lesson the hard way, and ultimately growing as a person? I’d like to think that I’ve grown enough to remain happy regardless of the circumstances of my enemy, I mean I don’t like to see them suffer.

But would I still have that satiated feeling in the back of my throat if I thought they were living happy lives? Like, am I really a sadist with some skewed “The bad guys were defeated and we all lived happily ever after,” mentality? I think I’m too much in my head now, lol, revenge really is such an ethical grey area! I’d like to look into some research on the subject and see how the ways in which people seek revenge correspond to personality types. Such an interesting way to gain perspective on someone.

Good question!